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BS Father's Day, or, Let the PAS'ing begin!

wth was I thinking's picture

Skids were to be dropped of by BM on Sunday, which worked out great for her, since she also had to work. In the afternoon, DH's phone rings, it's BM. The kids are on their way to the door, but she told him that she is going to wait in the car for the kids, as they are not staying, they just want to give him his gifts and then go with her to work. (she cleans offices, she's not like a dolphin trainer or anything cool) I'm like, ok, what in the ever loving fuck? They come to the door, very quietly. Normally you can hear them pounding up the stairs talking loudly, banging on the door, etc... I didn't even hear them approach, and they knocked lightly. Odd.

It was so incredibly awkward and uncomfortable when they came in, it's hard to even describe. They were very quiet and subdued. They gave him their thoughtless gifts (more cheap cologne and a t-shirt, same as always) and these cards, that were focused on them, with lines like 'from your wonderful daughter'. :sick: Gag me, what the hell, where do you even find cards like that?? He asked them again, you don't want to stay here with me? No, we would rather go to work with mmmooommmmyyyy. So after about 3 minutes, they left. They fucking left. He was crushed, I know he was.

I tried to get him to talk about it, but he said he doesn't want to force them to do anything, etc... Even though in the CO it stated each parent gets the kid 3 hours on their 'respective day'.

I do not think the kids (9 and 10) should have been given the option not to stay. I think that if it was determined that they are in fact old enough to make such decisions, they should also have to be able to explain and defend such actions. I think it was disgusting, horribly rude behavior by them and their mother. I have to wonder what in the hell she said to them to get them to act that way. I have never seen them like that. And last week when they left the house, everyone was happy and getting along just fine, so it's not like we left off fighting or anything. It makes me so very angry with them that they could be so thoughtless towards their father and hurt him so badly. I am very afraid that this is probably just the beginning of years worth of this shit. I am very protective of him, and when people try to take advantage of him or hurt him it makes me sick. I honestly don't even know how I will be able to look at them this coming weekend.

I have considered saying something to them along the lines of 'you really hurt your dad's feelings', but do I bother? I feel like someone needs to call them out on their bad behavior. But what will that accomplish? Nothing. It's just so hard to sit back and watch him take that kind of emotional abuse.

The more I think about it, the more pissed I get.


Starla's picture

How sad, I'm sorry. If Skids were to stay, their dad would have needed to stand his ground with BM in following the CO to a tee. I'm only assuming that Skids were under the influence of BM and it showed in their silence, it wouldn't be fair to punish them over what BM pulled. I think your DH is at fault bc he didn't put his foot down when he should of. Well BM is at fault for PAS'ing but that is someone being given an inch who to took a mile. Sad

I'd say let it go bc whats done is done and your DH needs to be firm when it comes to the CO and BM. Skids are along for the ride when it comes to parenting time whether its BM or their dad.

wth was I thinking's picture

I agree, I told him that he was entitled to that time with them, and he said that he didn't want to force anything. I get that too. I asked him if he will tolerate it so easily if they start doing it on the weekend visits too? He didn't really have an answer for that.

Ugh, I wish we could just move away and forget the whole lot of them. It is YSD birthday this Saturday, and his weekend with them. Wonder how that's going to turn out.

wth was I thinking's picture

"SO isn't a mean guy so he can never win against BM's dirty tactics."

Exactly DH's problem as well. He just goes along with it. I've decided I'm going to stay out of it though. I am done pointing out any of the shitty things they do, only to have him get pissed at me. I'm over it. if he is ok with being treated that way, then so be it. My only solution is to not be around to see it. I do my best to stay gone pretty much the whole time they are over.

help78's picture

Telling them they hurt his feelings s the right thing to do but are they demons like my SD. She would just laugh. She loves to see her dad cy