So we were at OSD's place on the weekend, along with the rest of DH's family

On the drive home afterwards, DH sadly says recounts all the 'wrongs' that happened to him/us that afternoon, how disappointed and sad he is:

1) No one (other than SSIL) came to greet us at the door when we arrived

2) When we walked in to the room everyone was in and said hello, his sister and daughter didn't so much as acknowledge we were alive let alone respond

3) Although we were just involved in a major head on collision that totaled DH's car, and are now in physio, no one (other than FIl) asked how we were doing

Etc... etc... etc...

I find it so funny that for all the years I have had to put up with DH's sister and daughter ignoring me, excluding me, going out of their way to hurt and humiliate me, DH has not only pretended it wasn't happening, but whenever I brought it up he would turn on me. Attack me as well, and that on top of what they were doing, was just so unbearable

Like so many SM's out there, I learned to just deal with it. Rise above it. And I did. But now, now that DH was getting a taste of what it was like for me, he simply found it intolerable, unacceptable, and he was venting to me. Wow

Well, after I mentioned to him that he now knows what I have gone through - and in silence with far too little support - I had lots of advice on how to rise above that and not let it bother him.

DH was actually listening to me at this point

So I told him that next time he arrives at his family member's house and no one greets us at the door, other than SSIL, that you know what? You are super friendly and pleased to see SSIL

Rather than stomping into the room where your sister and daughter are and being all snippy with them, which just plays into what they were doing, instead you take all the time in the world to congratulate SSIL on the new house, comment on the front of the house and ask about this or that, mention the beautiful tile in the entrance and where did it come from. How about that spectacular light, and so on

While your sister and daughter are in the next room feeling great that they ignored you when you came in, they will not really have much of a chance to gloat because rather than you reacting and showing how angry you are, instead all they will hear is you and SSIL going on in an endless oh so animated discussion about the house, how much you love it and how pleased you are for him

When you finally enter the room they are in and say hello and neither of them answer, but FIL of course does, you speak with FIL. You ask how he is, what happened with his doctor's appointment, yada yada and pay no attention to the fact that your sister and daughter didn't so much as acknowledge you were there let alone respond to your hello

And when FIL asks both of us how we're doing, how is the physio going, as he did, we give him a full update and then get in to a discussion about what's happening with him, just like we did

And then you do exactly what we did and brightly say "well happy new home!" to SSIL and OSD and place the gift we bought for them as it's the first time we've been in their new home (not to mention they're hosting lunch there) and you pay no attention to the fact that although OSD said a weak thanks, she didn't so much as look at the gift let alone open it....the gift was afterall for both of them, her and SSIL, and SSIL of course thanked us big time, so really that is all good

And when your daughter and sister carry on a loud conversation involving only them, and obviously deliberately excluding us (especially me) you simply strike up a conversation with SSIL and/or FIL or even little SGS, and as always, your sister and/or daughter will then try to "break up" our conversation because we're not running after them. They will try to cut in or take over, but you just carry on not letting that bother you at all

So basically DH, unless they are totally and obviously rude to your face (and then you deal with that because you are not a door mat) you remain a happy, bubbly class act and pay no attention to the scowly faced bad behaviour of those trying to hurt you

DH was listening, and he seemed very sad but, I think it was more the realization that I had become such an expert on how to deal with his own family's crappy behaviour to me. That he had tried to force me to just deal with this crap in silence for all these years, and that I had. That I had actually learned how to rise above it, remain calm and classy, all the while avoiding people who were behaving so low, the opposite of classy or even remotely mature

Definitely an eye opener for him