communication and boundaries - when to give a child a personal phone?
What is the consensus regarding appropriate means of commuication with BM?
We are trying to establish boundaries with BM as she thinks she can just message/call at any time of the day as she doesn't work. DH has told BM that all correspondence regarding both of my SSs should be via email, but of course if there is an emergency, she should contact him directly on his phone. BM's response is that she does not know what is classed as an emergency - she cannot judge what is important and what is not important in order to establish whether the line of communciation should be email or whatsapp. BM has stated that she would like regular phone calls with DH to discuss child-related matters, as going back and forth through emails is "too long" for her and that she has other things to do during the day. I just don't understand how someone cannot differentiate between important/urgent information versus information that can easily be delivered through email. Of course it is a judgement call, but as an adult - especially as a parent - surely you should be able to make judgement calls based on the circumstances?
For example, my DH called BM's phone to speak to both of his sons as per contact arrangemetns he can call every other day after the boys finish school. On one such occasion, BM didn't answer her phone as the youngest had an incident at school with a black eye. This was all she said. BM did not inform DH about the details and whether their son was ok, I suggested he call the school directly if he was concerned.
You're telling me that BM doesn't know what is classed as important information to be relayed to DH?
On another note, what does everyone think about the age in which children should be allowed to have a personal phone, particularly to contact the parent that they do not reside with? BM is the primary carer and DH only sees his children every other weekend on a sunday and sometimes during the school holidays. My SS is 11 and as we all know, children this age start to go through many physical and emotional changes as they go through puberty. As a boy, he may not be comfortable talking to his mum about certain things. BM has refused for SS to continue having a personal phone as she feels that it is disruptive - she returned the phone to DH a month ago, after SS has been using this to communicate with DH for the last year. DH had given the phone to his eldest son as a means to communicate directly with DH without having to go through BM every time. Now it's been a year and SS is 11, BM has stated SS is using it to speak to his friends and play games on it which is disruptive. BM demands that DH speak to the children through her phone only. However BM is always listening in on their conversations on their video call.
If there are strict parental controls on the phone, I don't see why my SS can't have a personal phone to be able to speak to DH freely. It feels like an act of control, as BM wants DH to have no choice bu to go through her to speak to the children.