^ The skids no biggie. That's a father-daughter relationship. As long as her fingers aren't sticky and I don't have to worry about everything disappearing it's no big deal.
However other women as in the Psycho, or someone who may not understand solid boundaries. I would be uncomfortable with that. I firmly believe that people shouldn't flirt with disaster. So I trust my DH and he trusts me, however random people of the opposite gender (non-family) neither of us see as appropriate in private locations. So that I would be uncomfortable with.
I think it would depend. If it's a stepdaughter who has treated you respectfully, has her father's best interests at heart and is not a known thief or a terrible slob, I can't imagine I've have a problem with it. It's all those other scenarios that might be problematic.
So what are your fears of your DH's daughter visiting her father in the home while you are not present?
She isn't 'another woman' in the sense that one might usually form the question you proposed. This one is (unfortunately?) related. Is your husband going to be home while you are gone? Does the daughter have a habit of snagging your possessions when no one is looking? Rearranging your belongs? Sucking cash out of Daddy wallet if not supervised?
I have and would not have any problem if one of my daughters came to my home to visit their father while I were gone. I only have a stepson, but he would not be a problem either. The only person banned from my home, whether I am present or not, is my oldest daughter's husband. And not just because I don't like him.
Out of curiosity , what is the age different between your husband's daughter and yourself.
Obviously you are on this forum for a reason. So I am going to guess the reason you are uncomfortable with SD 53 coming over while you arent there because she is disrespectful, diminishes you,does not accept you as his wife, has an enmeshment with daddy, is a mini wife and the list goes on. To make matters worse your DH is a coward to address this? If any of these reasons ring true, I totally get it. Yes its better if she is there when you are not around, but you are human. I dont think anyone would feel comforatble having a guest in your home (even if you are not there) who is disrespectful to you, or causes problems in your marriage.
Yes, I get it. My adult SD, who I've known since she was a child, is not allowed in my home whether I am here or not. Her rude and cruel behavior towards me, along with DH's inability to stand up to her, brought us to this point.
DH didn't like SD''s banishment at first and probably still doesn't, but he knows I was prepared to leave should she continue to be in my face. DH sees her and gskids at her home usually. I am disengaged and don't ask about her or gskids but I also make sure not to give him a hard time about his visits with her.
My SS33 is not allowed in my home - ever under any circumstances. I have cameras at all the entrances. I was out of state for about 2 1/2 weeks. DH spent time with SS but not in our home. I made that clear when I banned SS. SS was never to be in our home even if I was gone. That was not negotiable - nor did DH argue the point.
Maybe a better question is why IS she visiting when you aren't there? Are you disengaged? Do you not get along?
My SD always seemed to visit when I was not around too (before I disengaged and she was banned from the house). Of course you'll feel strange that someone who can't tolerate you suddenly shows up when you're not there. I don't blame you at all for feeling uneasy.
She has been covertly rude on several occasions..inviting inlaws to stop by on holiday in middle of dinner...coming into my home looking at something n saying thats mine in the future...taking myself n my family off social media..borrowing money from our guest cause had no gas in her caddy...
I can go on n on...her dad says ihe is not going ti change her...his relationship is limited.
If she wasnt a sd i would choose not to be friends
w her.m she has abandoned her lovely 18 yr old daughter n went w her new husband out of town to live.her daughter is living in 1 bedroom w boyfriebd n 3 of his siblings sleeping in one room...and she knows this!
I have had her daughter here once a week for dinner w boyfriend n told her if she needs us call anytime day or night.
My sd is an opportunist..n will take things heirlioms from family n sell them at her yard sales!
Yet i would n have been there for her...my husband never corrects her. At holidays which i know longer do she would take dessert n cut it up before served cause she had to leave early.i was invited ti my daughters fir holiday while going through chemo..she n husband called me n tild me they have right to be there...it was not my home.caused me all kinds of aggravation.
I guess i just dont like her....having her here when i am not here us diff.for me but have no choice
P.s. did i mention had meeting w 6 people left me in room alone while she decided uf i should me called gma! Thank u for listening i feel better venting.
Comments
Other "women" sure.... My
Other "women" sure.... My spouses daughter... no.
But what kind of relationship do you have with her? Is she rude? Does she fail to acknowledge you? Or is she generally pleasant?
^ The skids no biggie. That's
^ The skids no biggie. That's a father-daughter relationship. As long as her fingers aren't sticky and I don't have to worry about everything disappearing it's no big deal.
However other women as in the Psycho, or someone who may not understand solid boundaries. I would be uncomfortable with that. I firmly believe that people shouldn't flirt with disaster. So I trust my DH and he trusts me, however random people of the opposite gender (non-family) neither of us see as appropriate in private locations. So that I would be uncomfortable with.
I think it would depend. If
I think it would depend. If it's a stepdaughter who has treated you respectfully, has her father's best interests at heart and is not a known thief or a terrible slob, I can't imagine I've have a problem with it. It's all those other scenarios that might be problematic.
So what are your fears of
So what are your fears of your DH's daughter visiting her father in the home while you are not present?
She isn't 'another woman' in the sense that one might usually form the question you proposed. This one is (unfortunately?) related. Is your husband going to be home while you are gone? Does the daughter have a habit of snagging your possessions when no one is looking? Rearranging your belongs? Sucking cash out of Daddy wallet if not supervised?
I have and would not have any problem if one of my daughters came to my home to visit their father while I were gone. I only have a stepson, but he would not be a problem either. The only person banned from my home, whether I am present or not, is my oldest daughter's husband. And not just because I don't like him.
Out of curiosity , what is the age different between your husband's daughter and yourself.
Obviously you are on this
Obviously you are on this forum for a reason. So I am going to guess the reason you are uncomfortable with SD 53 coming over while you arent there because she is disrespectful, diminishes you,does not accept you as his wife, has an enmeshment with daddy, is a mini wife and the list goes on. To make matters worse your DH is a coward to address this? If any of these reasons ring true, I totally get it. Yes its better if she is there when you are not around, but you are human. I dont think anyone would feel comforatble having a guest in your home (even if you are not there) who is disrespectful to you, or causes problems in your marriage.
Yes, I get it. My adult SD,
Yes, I get it. My adult SD, who I've known since she was a child, is not allowed in my home whether I am here or not. Her rude and cruel behavior towards me, along with DH's inability to stand up to her, brought us to this point.
DH didn't like SD''s banishment at first and probably still doesn't, but he knows I was prepared to leave should she continue to be in my face. DH sees her and gskids at her home usually. I am disengaged and don't ask about her or gskids but I also make sure not to give him a hard time about his visits with her.
My SS33 is not allowed in my
My SS33 is not allowed in my home - ever under any circumstances. I have cameras at all the entrances. I was out of state for about 2 1/2 weeks. DH spent time with SS but not in our home. I made that clear when I banned SS. SS was never to be in our home even if I was gone. That was not negotiable - nor did DH argue the point.
Maybe a better question is
Maybe a better question is why IS she visiting when you aren't there? Are you disengaged? Do you not get along?
My SD always seemed to visit when I was not around too (before I disengaged and she was banned from the house). Of course you'll feel strange that someone who can't tolerate you suddenly shows up when you're not there. I don't blame you at all for feeling uneasy.
Exactly
She has been covertly rude on several occasions..inviting inlaws to stop by on holiday in middle of dinner...coming into my home looking at something n saying thats mine in the future...taking myself n my family off social media..borrowing money from our guest cause had no gas in her caddy...
I can go on n on...her dad says ihe is not going ti change her...his relationship is limited.
If she wasnt a sd i would choose not to be friends
w her.m she has abandoned her lovely 18 yr old daughter n went w her new husband out of town to live.her daughter is living in 1 bedroom w boyfriebd n 3 of his siblings sleeping in one room...and she knows this!
I have had her daughter here once a week for dinner w boyfriend n told her if she needs us call anytime day or night.
My sd is an opportunist..n will take things heirlioms from family n sell them at her yard sales!
Yet i would n have been there for her...my husband never corrects her. At holidays which i know longer do she would take dessert n cut it up before served cause she had to leave early.i was invited ti my daughters fir holiday while going through chemo..she n husband called me n tild me they have right to be there...it was not my home.caused me all kinds of aggravation.
I guess i just dont like her....having her here when i am not here us diff.for me but have no choice
P.s. did i mention had meeting w 6 people left me in room alone while she decided uf i should me called gma! Thank u for listening i feel better venting.