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Vanessa68's picture

OMG…. I want to message him, send him an email about "Why you shouldn't put your kids first"
I am to vomit, this is the first time I have wanted to message him…

Why not..? Just say hope you are well, thought this article was interesting…loll

He fell off the planet 3 weeks ago, i don't hate him….

Ohhh my head is spinning



another step's picture

STEP AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER!!! This is not some old friend that you thought of when you saw an article and just wanted to pass it along to. Obviously you want him to contact you and explain why he just disappeared. That is natural. Unfortunately, it will also make you look needy, pathetic, and like you want him back.

The guy clearly was not right for you. You were not happy because your lifestyles did not mesh. The problem is that he beat you to the punch and dumped you and that hurts. I get it. But please just lick your wounds and consider it a lesson learned. A few weeks from now you will be VERY glad that you maintained radio silence and did not compromise your dignity.

Vanessa68's picture

We had a small falling out prior to this, he was always coming over later and that pissed me off, always some excuse traffic, but he could make appts, pick kids up onetime. We argued one night and i got all panicky and practically begged him to come over, it was a very low point for me. He said that kinda behaviour means i love him, i told him it was sick.

the next day I kinda disappeared for 2 days, i told him i needed to think if this what I really wanted, the kids, the ex, always late, always last in his life…

it lasted about another 3 weeks and this is where we are now…

I tried to suggest different approaches to dealing with this, that when he disappeared...

Vanessa68's picture

I am trying… I am up…more than I am down, 2 days off the mind starts to wander…

I am doing better than I have any other relationship, maybe because I know its not all about me, things beyond my control.

I can't say I didn't try...

ChiefGrownup's picture

If you send him an article about not putting your kids first it will just confirm for him that he did the right thing. He will never believe the article, probably won't read it. Just the headline will make him feel all glorious for protecting his widdle kids from the likes of you.

Stay strong, Vanessa. Vent here, do not reach out to him.

Vanessa68's picture

I don't know why its hitting me all of a sudden…

I feel anxious and nausea….I am seem to be running the whole relationship through my heads, all the little things that were small red flags..

I took my profile down off dating site, all the men make me want to barf…lol

I feel like there is something wrong with me… just can't seem to get it right, he treated me well, its such a head spinner…

I really put effort into this, changing my schedule around, stuff I would never do before…ugh…!!!!

I want to cry and be sick at the same time…:}

Tuff Noogies's picture

NO. dont.

do NOTHING for man who has rejected you. do NOT chase him. it takes two to have a relationship and he has gone obviously radio silent. do NOT try to contact (not even under a 'helpful' guise) someone who has shown for three weeks that he does not WANT any contact from you. ask yourself- do you REALLY WANT a man who ignores you for weeks as if you no longer exist? EFF THAT.

Vanessa68's picture

Well that triggered something, the tears came fast…

I think you are right… usually I am a mess right from the get go….I wondered what was up with me….3 weeks later…strange

I feel lost….scared…hate the pain, feel stupid for falling for it….believing I would be the one….

I noticed the songs on the radio yesterday… i was like…come on!!!

Good news I didn't message…

Indigo's picture

Ah, ... I remember your earlier blogs. I was traveling and didn't post since it seems that everyone else had your back.

Panic attacks are old friends of mine, so I can definitely relate. Remember that they are not real. It's your body reacting to an imagined/perceived fear. That part is real. The rest: "FEAR: Fantasized Experience Appearing Real." I have mitryal valve prolapse w/a left ventricle arrhythmia which is common but let me tell you, when you're heart starts the funky jump, you react as if mountain lions instead of stepkids are jumping on your back !!

After I read your first blog, I happened upon an article about "ghosting." The latest trend in break-up. Not even the non-courtesy of the text-dump. They disappear. I think it was Sean Penn's latest who caused the latest "ghosting" reference in the media.

I translate: Fearful, immature, non-socially cognizant, ball-less wonders. (Yes, women can have the metaphorical cojones.)

Step away from the computer; step away from the phone. He is not worth another moment because he's "just not that into you." (He's a complete morally, socially inept ass. AND an ineffective parent who is working to insure that teen pregnancy/jail time are in their future with Daddy supporting them well into their 40's. FFS. You KNOW better.)

Wishing you well

Evil3's picture

Do not contact him. He's not worth your time. You seem to be a loving wonderful woman who only wants to love someone and give a relationship her all. He does not deserve you. I'm glad he freed you up to go find someone who is more worthy of you. Before you hook up with another man though, go fall in love with yourself. I know that sounds cray, but I've been in counselling for always ending up in relationship where the men treated me like I was a second class citizen. I was grieving over yet another relationship fail and my counsellor gave me homework, which was to go have an affair with myself. I was to treat myself the way I would someone I was in love with. My homework turned out to be a lot of fun and very cathartic. I went on trips, went to movies, made myself wonderful meals, registered in sporting events I always wanted to do, but felt I couldn't. I started to talk to myself the way I would my best friend and psyched myself up for half marathons and finishing getting my black belt in karate. I ended up accomplishing some things I never thought I could do. Go volunteer with animals or kids or something. Go have a blast. Keep us posted. I can't wait to hear what you've started doing for yourself now that you found yourself worth doing for.