your her what?????
so after all the drama of my step daughter{ whom i raised forever and truly love as my own} she went to bm for the summer and now that its nearing time to come back she has told bm shes not happy here, i beat her and she doesnt want to come back. there has never been a custody battle she is 15 and we have 6 kids in all and i really dont want to hog tie her to bring her back. i dont even think we can. why would she lie on me like that? she hates our rules we r a strict family with good values and bm lets boys stay the night and is just trash. bm left skids when they where 3 4 and 5 and i been their mom since they where 4 5 and 6. sooo bm decides to go all psycho yelling like i beat her kids and she would never hit her kids. let me say i believe in spankin a kid not beating. i spank my own. anyhow shes ranting and says shes not ur daughter shes mine! :jawdrop: what really? she left them and never even called! she was a bag whore! litterally. yes shes clean now yada yada yada but she is the furthest thing from a mother ive ever seen. she likes to play best friends. also she never calls i call her for ss12 to comeover. she never calls on bdays nothin and now that these kids can wipe their own asses shes here tryin to be a mom? anyhow i said ok and let it go but why the betral from my sd15? really bcause she has made everyone think i abused her and have been horriblr to her because she loves that freedom. i would die for that kid she stole from me and turned on me like nobodies buisness. does anyone have insite? please i value ur thoughts im blown away by this. i finally told her ok u when thanks alot i love u but ur wrong and so on and basically let her know i wont be in her life if thats what she wants. i dont know what to do let it be right? again bm was out of the picture for a few years and never called and when she came back to the state it was a rare occasion to see her. why can sd15 be so angry with me and not at bm? how is bm the good guy in this. and bm is all indignant now its weird like they r feeding off eachother. like bm finally gets to show her shes a good mother wtf.....
- used up 29's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I don't think it's ever right
I don't think it's ever right to hit a child. How do you "spank" a 15 year old? I do agree that 15 is a difficult age for a girl as I have one of those myself. As a step parent i do not think it's appropriate to spank your step child though no doubt your intentions are good.
Your SD's mother is not
Your SD's mother is not mothering her child now, she is being her friend. That is really the biggest issue, I think. You have a teen who went to visit her mom, but found a new friend. The freedom that comes from this relationship is VERY appealing to your SD now. Sounds like BM asked the girl a ton of questions, and either twisted the answers or provided your SD with her (BM's) own answers.
I can imagine something like this:
BM: So, does useedup29 and your dad make you have a curfew? (Rolls eyes).
SD: Yeah! It sucks. I have to be home by 9 (whether that is the right time or not-SD can be feeding off the question). They don't let me do anything. It SUCKS! (Again, feeding).
BM: Those assholes! Usedup29 is not your mom. She has no right to tell you what to do. Tell her to go to hell.
SD: Yeah, she is a bitch. (REALLY feeding bc she wants her "friend" to feel bad for her).
BM: You should just stay with me. They are losers. I am your mom, and I love you more.
SD: YEAH! I KNOW!
Imagine similar conversations going on and on and on.....combined with the huge amount of freedom-you are now perceived like a jail warden or an evil witch.
Your SD may come around, when she realizes she had it so much better with you! I think the values you gave her and the good things she has seen will come back in her head eventually.
If not, you have to remember that you did NOTHING wrong. These kinds of BMs are like parasites that attach themselves to their kids. My boyfriend has 3 young adult children who he tried to raise decently. Yes, he made mistakes, but their mother is a disgusting, nasty creature. They stay loyal to her. While he worked tons of hours while they were growing up, BM gambled away their savings and later their home. They know this, yet she is their friend. She has raised them to treat him terribly, and they call me horrible names. If he won a million dollars and gave them all of it, BM would tell them he was keeping a dollar from them and they would become completely angry. NOTHING will ever be good enough, concerning him, in their eyes. I do think they have some kind of attachment disorder, and with him not being around much (his work and multiple separations from BM), they never were able to see anything but their mother's awful viewpoints and opinions.
You are seeing the same kind of poison. Hopefully, your SD can survive it. You gave her a good foundation. Stay strong and know that you are the innocent victim here.
You shouldn't discipline your
You shouldn't discipline your SD. That should be DH. As for the SD15, BTDT. My SD wanted to live with BM because she was fun and had no rules. Well we let her go after told by the lawyers that if this is what she wanted we couldn't win since the judge takes what she wants into account. Fast forward a year and half and DH has seen his daughter 4 times for dinner. The child is manipulative. Once she has in her head that she wants to live with mom, you can't change it.
As for why she turned on you, it makes it easier in her head to justify that she wants to live with BM. Something happens and they become pure evil once they have made this decision. Makes her guilt easier. Watched it with SD and now watching SS13 doing it with his mom, since he wants to live with us.
I would let her go and focus on the kids you do have. Once we let her go, it made our whole household calmer and happier when she was gone. By focusing on the other kids, now SS13 wants to live here. Ironically she left because there was rules and he wants to be here because there is structure for him...
Good luck.
thank u all for the advice. i
thank u all for the advice. i did want to say i obviously didnt spank a 15 yo im talking about spankings when they where little. everything sd15 has brought up is several years old and i have been the mother for years its not the classic step mom role i had i was always the mother bm was never mom i shoulda been more specific. i do spank my kids however if its needed. teenagers are indeed difficult and i agree she has found a friend in bm. she has painted a viscious picture of us not to mention she went all "emo" our sd14 is pissed that sd15 would leave and she says bm is not her mom i am. i feel bad for sd14 losing her sister to this. i also have decided to let it go its a done deal. its time for us to focus back on the kids in the home because this is consuming us. and it is amazing to me the change in sd15 overnight since this happened she has decided she doesnt have to even speak to her father. and u know even though i feel like since i raised these kids without bm involved at all that i was their mother and treated them as my own, maybe your on to something maybe i shouldnt have spanked them but it wasnt like a skid situation its more like addopted kids. i am their mom but like i said maybe ur on to something and even with me being the only mother they had growing up i was still the stepmother.