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She can't handle a 6yr.

ultrak's picture

Submitted by ultrak on Sun, 06/07/2009 - 7:00pm

I've been a way for a while, mostly because we haven't seen SS for over a year because of all the drama that you all can relate to. However, for the last few months BM has been call my husband wanting him to get back involve with SS. Well the reason why is because she can't control SS who is only 6yrs. old. He's been getting in trouble in school and talks back to her. Now I thought that we would get a phone call when he turned around 13, that age when they start smelling themseleves. So now my husband picks him up from school on wednesday and fridays everyweek and keeps him til 7pm. We don't get him on the weekends because I travel a lot for work and DH has to work late nights on fridays and saturday. And also, last time he had visitation I would watch him and she didn't like it and cause to much drama. Anyway, the reason for my blog is this. DH and I was talking about her today because she is still rude and nasty to DH, I made the comment that in their commucations she probably pretends that I don't even exist and he said "yeah pretty much". Also, I know that DH never probably mentions my name in her present either. Should I be upset? or am I making too much of it. An example is he called him the other day because SS was crying because DH said he could not spend the night. BM called DH and ask why he couldn't and he said because he had to work to early. I would rather him say Kim and I had to work and niether one of us could take him to school in the morning. He never lets her know that I help out with SS when he's with us. I told him that i wouldn' mind watiching SS on the weekends if she knows and is ok with it, but he hasn't said anytthing to her about it. I feel like he doesn't mention me because she doesn't like me but I feel that she sould know that I am in her son's life when he is with us. For his birthday I bought him two pairs of shoes and when DH took SS home that night with the shoes, he never said I bought them. I don't to be praise but do i deserve some aknowlegment? I hope this blog makes sense.

Comments

justlikeastar987's picture

Submitted by justlikeastar987 (not verified) on Sun, 06/07/2009 - 7:27pm

to be upset. I would be too! You guys cannot continue leading your lives pretending like you don't exist just because it might offend or hurt someone's feelings. Girl, you are too blessed and too beautiful to be leading an invisible life. And yes, when people do things, even on a voluntary basis, its okay to expect at least a 'Thank You....but that's part of the step mom life style, unfortunately. Alot of it is thankless. But I think you should talk to DH, express to him how you feel..let him know that you just want to be appreciated for the things you have to put up with and the things that you do for SS. Otherwise, let him put up with it! Let him buy the shoes and the birthday presents! Good luck....

justlikeastar987

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Sun, 06/07/2009 - 9:25pm

BM sounds very (non) competent. She can't have it both ways, where she controls everything about his visits but then complains that there are no visits. Are you married? Then he doesn't have to explain anything to her. If you are willing to watch the child, maybe you can teach him better manners.

She doesn't have to like it, but it sounds like it is developing into the classic power struggle, PAS could possibly follow. But you have no choice really, if your DH wants to be in his son's life, he will have to stand up to BM. And admit you are helping him and work very hard to look out for their child!! Tell this to DH, he needs to step up and support you and his son.

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin

Stick's picture

Submitted by Stick on Sun, 06/07/2009 - 9:52pm

I'm guessing that your DH isn't mentioning your name / things that you bought to BM so that he doesn't have to hear about it, and so that BM cannot start stirring up drama all over again. Understandable, but the reality is that DH needs to include you in the discussions with BM. Otherwise, she's manipulating DH and controlling the situation. You don't want it to continue as SS gets older. And it can't really. Eventually she's going to have to face the fact that you are watching / interacting with her son. She needs to get over it. DH not mentioning you to her doesn't make her GET OVER IT!!! Does that make sense?