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I honestly think he is messing with me * Update- I snapped

TrueNorth77's picture

I told DH earlier this week that I think SS is f*%cking with me. He asked why and I went on to list my reasons: Every day he is here, he does something he knows he shouldn't be doing, or something that is just common sense not to do. Lately he is always with his gf (fantastic- go do things!) or working sometimes, so most of the time he is coming home for 20 minutes and doing this crap. He is almost 17 and a smart kid book-wise, and he knows better than to do all of these. 

 - That same night I told DH this, SS came inside for 10 mins before going to his gf's house, and left empty bottles on the counter. DH said, "Gah! I think he is f*cking with us!". 

- He parked next to the clearly-empty trash bins by the curb and walked within 6" from them, but didn't bring them up to the house. 

- The night before they left last time they were with us, he was supposed to wash his towels, but he only put them in the washer and left them there without changing them over to the dryer, then went to Crazy's, so I had to finish them so I could do my laundry. 

- 3 times this week, there have been used snotty-toilet paper just thrown on the floor around the trash can in the bathroom- all from SS. Yesterday there were FIVE WADS. I'm telling him that the next time this happens, I'm going to put them on his bed and taking out that trash will be his additional chore for 2 months.  

- There were some clean dishes on the counter- where we only put CLEAN dishes. Last night SS put a dirty bowl and spoon inside of them and then left to go to his gf's. 

- He brought half a head of cooked cabbage home from work and left it in a cardboard takeout container in the fridge, where the container got all soggy and stunk up the entire fridge. There is zero chance he would actually have eaten it. 

-We took skids and SS's gf to do an escape room- it was 50 mins away, and SS's gf had to work prior, so they drove separate. DH told SS he needed to make sure they left right when his gf got done with work or they would be late. We could clearly see SS leave our house 20 mins later than he should have, and even then he should have had plenty of time to get there early, but he managed to show up exactly as we were supposed to start the escape room. The employees were waiting for us and we were late starting. DH had called SS multiple times, and him and I were both irritated so it put a damper on the whole thing.  

-He was late twice this week coming home from his gf's- DH had to text him both times to get him home. Is there a punishment, you ask? Not so far! Skids leave today so I doubt DH will punish him. It is taking every ounce of willpower not to say something about it. 

He just walks around doing what he wants, lazy and oblivious, and I'm about to snap. Teen behavior or not, I am at my limit. 

* UPDATE- I just lost my sh*t on SS. I WFH, He had a class today and should have been home by noon (they are on spring break). He has been told 1 million times he needs to let us know where he is going. It was 1pm and SD was asking where he was because she's ready to go by Crazy's. I text DH and checked the insurance app that shows where he has driven. It showed he was at his gf's. DH said "I'll text him to come home". In an epic disengagement fail, I text DH that for this and being late for curfew twice this week I think he should be grounded from his gf for at least 2 days when he comes next. DH said "Today is a gray area, technically it's Crazy's day and they are on spring break".  I said, no- SD is still here, SS's stuff is still here. They are still with us, it's not "Crazy's day so SS gets to do whatever the F he wants". I'm the one here with them while DH is at work. I said, and about being late? No consequences? DH said "Holy shit, I'm at work, I'll think about it". I said, "I'm at work too. But I'm the one getting asked where he is, and here dealing with it. If he thought there was a chance of a punishment we wouldn't even be having this conversation". 

SS walked in and I told him, We're going to talk. I went off and said, Enough. You are running around acting like you don't have to follow any rules- coming home past curfew, not telling us where you're going...and throwing used kleenex around like you just don't care at all. I said, do you know your dad and I? You have gotten away with a lot, but now I'm PISSED. I have had it up to HERE. If you think you can just run around doing what you want and not listening with no consequences, you are wrong. I like you and I know you are a smart kid, but you are not being respectful and following rules, or acting like you care about anything around here. I know you like your gf, but you still have to put in effort here, and you're about to start losing time with her. Cause I'm DONE. I said, pick up after yourself, follow the rules, and show that you can be trustworthy. Because there are times coming up where we will be gone, and you would possibly have the opportunity to stay here without us, but right now we would never do that because we can't trust you to follow rules or be responsible. Show us that you can be trustworthy. I don't want to be mad at you, but I have been this week because you have been doing what you want all week. He took it all and said he understands at the end. I have not yelled at him like that in years. I'm frustrated with DH for allowing it and for not giving consequences- all it does is encourage SS to do it more because he doesn't think anything will happen. 


Winterglow's picture

 Just keep the same attitude when your husband tries to object. Turn your wrath on him, full blast.

Winterglow's picture

 Just keep the same attitude when your husband tries to object. Turn your wrath on him, full blast.

missgingersnap2021's picture

Couple things - I think you should have waited to talk to him with DH. Trust me you do not want SS hating you and casuing even more issues. Also its DH's JOB to deal with all this BS not yours. 

Don't get too excited about him going out of state to college. If his girlfriend stays local I can see him wanting to do the same so they can stay together.

And SD18 has decided to be way more messy then she ever used to be. I have decided that if she wants to act like a messy child I will treat her like one. I go in and move her stuff . (ie. She piles her clothes on the hamper in the bathroom. It's smack in the middle of the hallway and something I have to look at every time I walk by. I pick them up and put them in her closet. She will just leave things all over her bedroom floor. I pick them and move them to her closet or dresser and tell her I had to move them to vacuum. Which was the truth.) And she has pulled the "starting her laundry and not finishing it" crap. 2 times now. One more time I am gong to tell her she needs to do it when she will be here to finish it and that it is not DH's job to do her laundry. 

And the grey area commnet was him just being spineless!

TrueNorth77's picture

I love how DH made the gray area comment and expected me to just believe it and not recognize that he just didn't want to yell at SS. I'm not an idiot DH. 

I really didn't want to yell at SS. I wanted DH to handle it. But, when I tell you I was mad...I was seething. I don't think I could have kept quiet if I tried. And skids were leaving right then to go by Crazy's for the week, plus I leave on Sunday for work (which means when skids come next Monday, I will be gone most of the week. I cannot WAIT), so there wasn't much of an opportunity. If it didn't get addressed now, it just wouldn't. I don't think he will hate me because we have a pretty good relationship and he knows he's in the wrong, but also, if he does Because I called him out in his BS. Meh, ok. The upside may be that he won't be as apt to live here during college! Smile

I am nervous about the out of state thing also. He's been so adamant about it, but his gf is a year below him, so she will be here longer. She has big aspirations of going out of state also and getting a job in DC, so I really hope he wouldn't make a decision based on her...but we know how teens are... at the very least, even if he stays in state, I'm pretty sure he would NOT want to live at home. He can't wait to move out. If that changes he can stay with Crazy, otherwise I may reconsider my marriage. 

Survivingstephell's picture

DH needs to tip into his kid for being disrespectful to his wife.   There is no way you should be dealing with this. I'd raise holy hell on DH for it coming to this. 

TrueNorth77's picture

He got an earful over text at work and he will be hearing more when he gets home. I'll also tell him that because he didn't handle it, I yelled at SS myself. He doesn't love that because he thinks his way is the best way. My response to this will be, you did nothing and left me to deal with him not listening, and I handle sh*t. If you had handled it, I wouldn't need to step in. My patience is not endless. 

1st3rd5thWEInHell's picture

Why are they at your house on spring break? Dont they have a holiday schedule? 

Any child that is no.longer court ordered for visitation will start coming and going and staying as they please in my experience. 


You wasted your time and energy, he will do the same and behavior will not improve. Then you will flip again and he will tell crazy and his father how much of a "crazy" person you are for reacting

My 21 yo SS does that....goes to his mother to talk crap about us wjen he doesnt get his way and vice versa. They love victimizing themselves and triangulating....


My advice to you is to tell your husband that visitation requires a schedule per the court order and his presence. Anyone who aged out will have to text you and check in with you to be allowed to.come by unexpectedly

TrueNorth77's picture

SS is only 16 (almost 17) and a Jr in high school, so he still has to follow curfews and rules, although he thinks he's grown and nothing applies. They still have a custody schedule. It's week on/week off, they go by their mom today. Their spring break started today and they don't split spring breaks, so Crazy can deal with this crap all week. I am thanking baby Jesus, counting blessings, and all of the things that spring break wasn't on our week. 

He probably will keep doing what he's doing, but I am definitely not going to let it all slide- his gross tissues will end up on his bed and he will have more chores in store at the very least. I'm not a maid!

Rags's picture

When he pulls this shit, disable his car and introduce him to walking. He can pay for Uber/Lyft with his own earnings until he earns back his car.

Get devious.

Have fun!!!

TrueNorth77's picture

Haha, we don't even have Uber or Lift in our town so he just wouldn't leave the house then because he certainly couldn't walk anywhere! *clutches pearls* 

Patience2000's picture

I think he is just being a selfish teenager. He is not taking all this out on you personally.....he doesn't respect you obviously, or anyone else.

TrueNorth77's picture

This is likely it. But it was like he was finding new innovative ways even during his short times of being here to make a mess or break a rule. I am obviously not a kid person, so it boggles the mind. I'm almost impressed!