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Ok, I'm venting, but what do you do when....

tootsie's picture

It seems like every single time it is hubby's weekend for his kids, BM sends him a (less than tactful) email (and copies me one it) that one of the kids has Cub Scouts or camping with church or something else going on. I must add here, that in her emails, she states... and I quote... "since you are unwilling to participate in the camping activities... by continuing to refuse to participate in his childhood..." WTF!!! And so what is dad supposed to do with the other two??? Take them along to the Boy Scout camping trip of the other one? Yesterday, one of the SS's told me ... "Mom said dad got fired from his job..." What a lie! and where did all this come from?

Hubby pretty much agrees to let the kids go to whatever function it is - but it just seems like it's nearly every single period of possession. Last spring, hubby called the house one day to talk to the oldest ( 17 yrs) and BM told him that he has moved to the coast to live with HER parents and go to school there!! How shitty is that! SS had talked to us several days before that, and expressed that he wanted to live with us, for his senior year. But that's how DH found out his oldest son had moved 350 miles away! Then, during SS's Christmas break, when 17 yr old went home to BM's house, hubby was informed that BM was sending them on a skiing trip in Colorado - that "just happen" to be during hubby's period of possession.

So, in order for hubby to exercise his visitation, he would have had to have been the bad guy and SS would have had to cancel his ski trip. We deal with stuff like this all the time.

Has anyone else had to deal with BM's like this??? We don't want to make the kids cancel their activities, and we do want them to have a life, but it's getting ridiculous. And, to top it off, BM refuses to trade weekends. So, if the kids have activities during dad's visition weekend, he loses it. Period. She will not trade.

Has anyone else had any experiences like this? Any suggestions??

Tootsie

Comments

Cruella's picture

I don't think the BM should be scheduling the Skids weekends on your DH visitation weekends. The BM sure should not have moved her son so far away without the Father's consent. I think you ought to see an Attorney about this.

Anne 8102's picture

If you insist on the scheduled visitation, then you get a lot of anger and hostility from BM and skids and risk her withholding them even more or them hating you for causing them to miss out. If you let it go, you end up like us... haven't seen the skids in almost two years now because it's never convenient for them or BM.

How far out do you plan visitation? I'd get a calendar and plan it out for six months to a full year of expected visitation dates, let her know that far in advance when you want them and then just sit back and see how many times she denies him. If she does it enough, then what choice do you have but to either let it go or get an attorney to help you enforce it?! Shouldn't be necessary. Pisses me off that it is.

~ Anne ~

Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)

steph77's picture

Sometimes you do have to be the bad guy and have SS miss out on something. I'm not sure how old the SS still living with her is, but ours know that they need to ask us ahead of time if they want to do something on our time with them. They've gotten really good at this. It took being told no a couple of times because we heard about things at the last minute and already had made our own plans. Sure, there have been a couple of times there were big things going on that BM let us know at the last minute and we let it slide with the boys. We changed our plans, never let BM know we had to change plans (gives her too much satisfaction), but sent her a very clear email about what she is supposed to do (let us know about baseball tryouts earlier than 2 hours before they start). Other than the really big items like that we'll make them miss out on if necessary. They learn really quick. It's unfortunate that it has to fall on them, but some of it does when their mom is so disorganized.

tootsie's picture

Thank you all for all your input and suggestions. It may just come to being the "bad guy" for a while until she figures out that we aren't going to go away.

And, for the record, she's not "disorganized." I think she's just a deceitful bitch.

Thanks again for all your input. I don't know what I'd do without y'all!!

Tootsie

"You gonna skin that smoke wagon, ‘er just stand there and bleed?"