Mother's Day is so difficult for stepmoms.  We are putting out so much effort but aren't recognized.  I always say we should do for ourselves:  make sure we have a nice outfit for Sunday, make sure we have good food, plan to relax.

Happy Mother's Day, all.

Mother's Day and skid weddings (or any "joyous" occasion or milestone.) The banes of the SM's existence. I agree with JRI. Treat ourselves! Whether or not we have bio-kids. I've been a BM and a SM, and the SM job is just so much more difficult. You may not always do as much as a BM, but when you do, the lack of control, criticism, etc., just makes it so painful. 

DH and I married when most of his kids were adults. He had a pre-teen and teen still at home when we met. I NEVER expected to be their mother....was hoping more of a friend or aunt role. But of course, toxic StepHell raised her ugly head. Once the ugliness started, I pulled back from any expectations from DHs kids in regards to Mother's Day. I AM a mom to two wonderful adult children, doing well in life. DHs kids have a mom (well, did as she has passed) and that is who they honored on Mother's Day.  

When I dealt with the Disneyland dad. 
 

He took custody on Mother's Day with no consultation with me. 
 

And let's just say I got a front seat pass to just barely above bare minimum "breeder worship" day

Barf

Dude had the gall to leave me that day to take his kids to go shop for his remote Beck n call operation owner. 
 

I sat him down and told him I expect to be consulted first before you take custody on a day that most moms with a court order have custody. 
 

I also expected him to give no more than $20 per year on any gifts to that woman. Hell child support is her gift. And those kids can get jobs or save up chore money. That itchB doesn't deserve not one single dime over the legal requirement. 
 

If I ever was a step parent again and those kids ever landed in my presence on Mother's Day it's going to be me they will be worshiping otherwise they can stay with their mother and worship her from her home. 

Mother's Day was very difficult for me when SD15 was younger & before I disengaged. She lived with us majority of the time back then and I did ALL of the day-to-day motherly things. Car rides to school, homework, teacher conferences, gymnastics practice, birthday parties, etc. 

But because I wasn't BM, I never got any recognition on Mother's Day. 

Things have since changed. I have disengaged from SD15 and am no more than a "step" anymore. We also has an ours baby in 2021. It bothers me MUCH less now, but when I was doing the majority of the parenting, it was very difficult. Just reason #1,000 why it was healthier for me to disengage. 

I think I might understand where you are coming from with this.  My DH’s Spawn lived with us full time and on any holiday with gifts involved my DH tended to put all the focus on his Spawn only, not on all the kids.  If I was opening gifts, he constantly made comments like “This is from Spawn oh and bios.”  Or “Oh Spawn chose that for you herself.”  But he wouldn’t say anything about what the other kids had picked out.    I realized way too late in the game my DH is the problem, and his Spawn was just a symptom of him.

After awhile I would just smile and nod and thank Spawn after, but it got where I hated birthdays and Christmas and Mother’s Day, because it was all tied up in bending over backwards to force some bond between me and his kid. 

Before the 3 SKs moved in, Mother's Day wasn't an issue.  But once they all arrived, I was doing EVERYTHING.  She never even took any of them for a day, much less a weekend.  I was totally blindsided when that first Mother's Day arrived and not only did I receive little or nothing but there was,a big push from SD to get $ from DH to buy gifts for BM.  This happened year after year but I eventually realized I needed to take care of myself by buying a nice outfit for that day, planning a good meal, etc.  DH is not good with gifts so that was a factor, too.

I was angry and bitter but eventually realized I wouldn't want to raise kids who were unkind to their own mother.  So, I understand and forgive.  But, the bottom line is that Mother's Day is rough for SMs.

My bride had full physical and legal custody from birth.  She and I met when SS was 15mos old and married the week he turned 2yo, a few days before his birthday.

I'm the first person he ever called dad(dy).  He has always known the Spermidiot.  My FDW had a large picture of the Spermidiot on the wall of her apartment and a pic of the three of them as well.  

My bride is celebrated by SS and by me on Mother's Day.  I celebrate her for making me a dad.  SS celebrates her for being his mom. Both SS and I celebrate her for the amazing person that she is.

Father's day has always been mine as far as recognition is concerned. I'm his dad. Period Dot. From when he was a toddler even before his mom and I married.  When we were dating he would point at the pic of the Spermidiot when asked about daddy.  After a number of months we were playing together in my FDW's apartment, SS-32 (then about 19mos old) pointed at me and said "Daddy".   His mom and I married about 4mos later.  Our anniversary is 5 days before his birthday.

After that the Spermidiot was known as Daddy FirstName.  After SS reached his early teens, he referred to the Spermidiot just by his first name. Never something we pushed. It just evolved that way.  For a while apparently he did refer to the Spermidiot as Dad when he was on SpermLand visitation but that was short lived as the reality of who and what BioDad is became increasingly clear to my son.

Even as an adult there have been some interesting events related to the title of "Dad".  When SS is telling stories about his childhood upon occasion his friends or coworkers will correct him.  "There is no way your Dad did that, that has to be Gangster Dad."  

Gangster Dad is how our son refers to the Spermidiot in conversation with his friends and coworkers.  Again, not due to our pushing.  After a single incident when he was 2yo we never again referred to Spermidiot by anything other than his first name when SS was at home or present.  We thought we had been careful. But little ears hear all.  SS was 2yo, the Spermidiot made one of his tearful "I love you and I miss my family!!!!" calls to my DW.

DW laughed and then told the DickHead to talk to his son calling SS-2yo from his room to the phone in the living room.  DW handed the 2yo the phone. When he heard BioDad's voice he gleefully said "Hi Daddy DickHead!". DW and I just about gagged while DickHead tried to figure out what he had heard. It was a land line, SS was a fairly fresh talker, and "DickHead" sounds very much like the Spermidiot's actual name. So, it apparently did not sink in for either SS or the dumbass BioDad.

Never once during the 16 years we lived under a CO did he ever ask to shop for the Spermidiot, the SpermGrandHag or anyone else in the SpermClan. He would get excited for he and I to go shopping for his mom or to make something for her, and for my mom.  Apparently the same was the case when he and his mom would prepare for Father's day.  He/they always did something for me and after they retired and lived near us, for my dad.

He never asked and we never pushed him on any interface with the SpermClan beyond COd visitation.  They never made any effort at all beyond intermittent use of their COd visitation. Not pne call or one birthday/Christmas card was ever send to SS by the SpermClan. Not one. Ever.

Kids are smart, they know who their REAL parents are.  Even when they are PASd and refuse to engage in reality.  Sadly, many never will engage in reality on who their parent figures of quality are.

Just because someone or some-two may have performed the biological function of procreation, does not make them a parent.  As is the case with love, being a parent is about consistent action and effort.

IMHO of course.

Happy approaching Mother's Dad ladies.  Regardless of what flavor of mother you may be.

Take care of you.

Where you stand.  If SK don't show you your prooer Mother's Day appreciation.  You know how to handle there birthday and holidays.  If they don't consider you as a mother don't consider them as your kids 

My SDiablas (26&28) have never acknowledged me on Mother's Day. I don't expect them to think of me as a Mother or even a SM but I AM a Mother and it's just common courtesy to acknowledge it. Sadly, the diablas have no common courtesy. 

They also shower DH with gifts and cards and give me nothing. They invite him to do things and not me. They put zero effort into acknowledging my existence. As a result, I have completely disengaged.

I do know that I have a DH problem when he chases after them. He has given them too many inches and they take miles. DH has done a piss poor job of training them to be polite.

They have a transcient lifestyle and when they run out of places to stay they come here. Last year, between the 2 of them, they stayed in our house for a total of maybe 3 or 4 months. I only see them when they place themselves directly in my path, which was A LOT last year, TOO MUCH.

Thank-the-heavens they have been traveling outside of the US since the beginning of 2025 so no SD's for the past 5 glorious months! I suspect that me laying down simple boundaries when they stay here has scared them away. They don't tolerate being less than #1 all day, every day. They don't like that the red carpet has been removed and they are no more of a priority than anyone else in our household, including my bio kids, me and DH.

They do not communicate their arrival or departure times which gives me a free pass to miss greeting or saying goodbye to them. They get even less acknowledgment from me than a traveling salesperson or handyman. I don't give them gifts and I don't see them on their birthdays so no need to celebrate those either. They are strangers who come around to see DH from time to time, nothing more.