If her mom were around
I read all these entries and for all the pita it would be to have to deal with sd's mom on a regular basis, I can't help but wonder if it would lessen the bs I deal with with her on a regular basis. I mean, for her side, a lot of her crap behavior is out of her mothers ambivalent existence. It would be irritating to deal with what I consider the one person on earth so stupid I am amazed they managed to procreate, but it may make that same persons daughter a little more bearable. At this time, she calls maybe three times a year... I have people I talk to regularly, the conversations go one way, others I talk to a couple times a year, and they are different conversations. BM calls a couple times a year but wants to have what equates to a weekly conversation with her. She is not part of her life, and the older sd gets, the more obvious it is to her how little her mom knows her. When sd came to live with me, she was AMAZED I had my own vehicle, and could drive, and had my own house. Years later she is blown away that bm cant drive. I don't tell her that it gets bm out of a lot by 'not being able to drive', I just blow it off when she asks. In Tx kinder isnt mandatory and bm kind of used it like free babysitting. Sd was pretty delayed when she hit 1st, I had toyed with holding her back, But she was so capable it became a non issue. That year sucked for her, between learning new stuff and catching up... She made comments a couple of times when frustrated to the effect that she 'may turn out like her mom and not be able to read'.... Kind of like that was an option. Not that her bm would be considered a good influence, but I guess her being perceived as a caring shitty influence may be better. I don't know...
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Hi tiffany and welcome...I
Hi tiffany and welcome...I am in the same situation as you are...and as much as it sucks, IMO, I think it is MUCH easier for us to not have to deal with the BM like some of the ladies here do....its heartbreaking to know that a biomom could give a crap about her own child, but at the same time, it makes my day to day life much easier....It sounds like yur SD knows where her bread is buttered and knows that her BM was on track to providing no future for her at all....I wish u well in yur situation and am here anytime u need to talk to someone who somewhat understands what u are going thru :)...
A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....
I thank you, and same to
I thank you, and same to you. I am new to this, and one of my other friends who has skids has the uber relationship. her hubby and the bm are educated, ok financially, and rational reasonable adults who realize their behavior impacts the kids. So my friend just kind of gets to have fun with them on the weekends they come. there isn't so much real life. and lots of times when we talk about the skids we are conversing in greek and russian. simultaneously. Some days I think my sd is starting to get it. Other days I wonder if she will EVER get it. I know some of it is a defense mechanism. but... I still remember toward the beginning, her mom had called us, her probation was revoked and she was going to the pokey for a month and wanted us to take care of the kids. I don't know what she told them about where she was going, but she told them and I remember clear as a bell, June 3, she would be there to get them june 3. For the next 30 days that little 5yo girl would ask me what day it was, and how many days left. Somewhere into mid june she stopped. for the irritation of knowing what was coming those 30 days, I don't know when I felt worse, when she was asking and I was feeling foreboding (to myself), or when she just quit asking...
I just wonder how it must be
I just wonder how it must be to be her. I mean she has a living mother who cant be bothered?????