The whole Bonus mom thing is funny and creepy.

A bonus is something you want and work your behind off to earn.   We don't hear men calling themselves bonus dads, or children saying they are bonus kids.  The whole thing is just weird and screams LOOK AT ME.  Sort of like a BM that wants to play  MOY for attention.

Stop your laughing ladies.  You're all going to get banned! I jad oje warning a long time ago. I was kinda rude to someone who was annoying me but not nasty.

She was the one with the angry face as a profile picture, correct? Everything she said sounded so angry because of that face lol

I sent her a reply the other day to a message about my daughter! I was friendly ( I hope...) it was chit chat. - if I caused any offence I sincerely apologise. I certainly didn’t report or block her. I hope she is okay.  

Is there anything stopping her signing up under a new name?

My message says at the bottom ‘user had disabled her account’ maybe she can ‘enable’ it if she chooses to.  I don’t know.... 

Don’t know. It won’t let me cut and paste ...

She did not disable her account - it was "disabled" for her. No reason as to why.

I can't message NotUrMama either.....come back!!!

I'm offended that NotURMama was deleted and I am offended at all the people who call themselves Bonus Moms! Do I get everything changed to my way now because I said I was offended?

I wonder what would happen if I opened my own website and invited y'all to join.

I'm sorry she was banned.  I can see how her bluntness might have been a bit offputting.. but anyone who was on here regularly could see that she wasn't "picking on" anyone really.. she was trying to get people to recognize that they needed to put themselves first.. instead of being doormats.

Oh.. and I also have a visceral reaction to "bonus mom" though I have not been warned..lol.  It really just brings to mind the image of those IG/FB/TWITTER social media "invfluencers" that post styalized versions of their lives and act like they are all sweetness and light all the time.. and in a way they are back hand putting down those people who struggle with their stepfamily dynamics.. because "OBVI.. if SM and BM would just have costume making parties together to hand sew the halloween costumes for the kiddos and if they would agree to joint events.. always.. that there never would be a cross word spoken"

UGH..   

TBH.. I'm not a 100% against certain posters on here that arent' SM's.. every now and then they do have advice I can agree with.. even though their focus tends to be more "child centric".. I believe there is enough "anti-child" on here (and admit it there is lol)... to provide some balance.  I do think some people do forget that they are dealing with kids sometimes.. young ones esp. and place too big a weight on the kid's head for the success or failure of their household/relationship.

So.. while there is room for the non-sp.. there is also room for the "don't date him girl" type of advice as well.

I will say there is one poster recently that I had to totally step away from because I found myself on the edge of (which edge..lmao) getting too mean.. there was just no sense of reason on the other side.. and I figured.. whelp.. It's my choice to be here pounding my head against the brick wall.. so I choose to stop.  There are people who are too stupid, disillusioned, mentally twisted to engage with.  there are also people who will hold opposite views.. and I can choose to let things go vs taking them to the mat.  I don't like to argue really.. I reallly hate to lose.. so I am likely to only press my point when I really think it's "right".. so it's not that I am always right.. but I don't press points when I think that I might be wrong.. lol.

Anyway.. perhaps NUM could come back and figure out which snowflake called her out.. and then perhaps she could just put that person on mental ignore.

I've been a member for 5ish years and I feel like we go through this every couple of years. When was the last great banning? And then I can recall one more big banning before that. (Although, if my memory serves me, that one actually had some substance as I think a member had lost anonymity and other members of the site were causing said member difficulty IRL...)

The members who were here when I joined would rip a newbie to shreds so fast her head would spin. It was rough! Most of them had excellent advice but the delivery was sorely lacking. I posted one time the year I joined and got so much vitriol for it, I immediately deleted it and didn't post again for months! LOL. But I still stuck around and read until my skin got a bit thicker and I felt solid enough in myself to take the criticism with a grain of salt. 

I am not a fan of the warning system to be honest. If someone is being a downright bully -- name calling (more than "you're stupid to do XYZ"), making threats, harassing someone on ever single post with obnoxious behavior that gets in the way of actual conversation -- then ban that person because they clearly aren't here for the right reason and it detracts from the experiences, advice, and information we are trying to share here. But short of that? Let it be. The last thing I need is one more place where I can't openly communicate what it's like or what I've learned being a stepmom.

But, it is what it is, and while I don't completely agree with the rules as they are, I do my best to abide by them because I don't think there are any other sites like this. I find ST to be the right mix of raw honesty, ugliness and support.

Agreed re the warning system. For crying out loud we're all adults...if you really can't handle off-the-cuff remarks and swearing here and there, leave the site. 

But whoever that "Bonus Mom" was, who ran to tell tales about Pet's remark - my word, isn't she in for a REAL eye-opener as she becomes more familiar with stephell. She won't last 5 minutes *lol*

Soooooooo..........everyone on this blog gettin' warnings? *sorry2*

I'm sorry to see that she was banned, that's messed up. Especially over the bonus mum comment. 

I'm in Belgium and nearly everyone here uses the phrase "bonus mum" me and my stepdaughter hate it. SD is 9 (nearly) and we have a wonderful relationship and I love her dearly but I am not her bonus mum. I'm her stepmother, I'm her fathers wife, I am in no way her "mum" bonus or otherwise. The term bonus mum makes both me and her uncomfortable. I've had many arguments with people about it. 

People assume they are being nice by saying "bonus mum", that it in some way makes us more of a family unit but for us that's simply not true. 

I also think it's worse when people use the phrase "bonus mum" when they are the step parent on the visitation side. This child is with us for what? 8 days a month and I'm supposed to prance around calling myself a bonus mum? No, I'm her step mother. 

People are keen to use bonus mum to move away from the negative stereotypes of the term stepmother but I'm one of those people who call it for what it is. 

I'm just glad my relationship with my stepdaughter is good enough that I was able to see she was uncomfortable the first time someone called me her bonus mum. That she feels confident enough in her own skin and with me to honestly tell me so when I asked and the little grateful look she gives when I correct people. 

Everyone has the right to do their own thing, find what works for them but for goodness sake stop projecting on others.

Hmmm, maybe bonus mum is more of a trigger than I realised lol