You are here

Non-Spankers Seem to Fall Into Two Categories:

thinkthrice's picture

1. those who let their children run wild with no consequences
2. those who are EXHAUSTED from constantly trying to distract and "re-direct" their children away from dangerous/undesirable behavior.

Example:

Flying back from Texas yesterday, I saw a young couple board adjacent to us with their 20 month old son (I know how old he was because a flight attendant asked--you'll see why)

The young couple did not bring any toys, books, games. Nothing other than a juice bottle, baggie of snacks and a diaper bag. There were no toddler oriented games he could play with on dad's phone, however DAD played PLENTY of games on his phone after his kid finally conked out.

I stopped counting after 45 the number of times mom said "no." It had no meaning for this child and was basically white noise as he slammed his hand into the headrest in front of him 11, 12, 13 times and giggled about it. He then flipped the windows shade up and down for a solid three minutes.

Next, he slammed his hand into the airplane window with quite a force repeatedly. I must also mention these people were ginormous (they needed seatbelt extenders and the kid was no exception; not unlike my skids)

"Junior" had a vocabulary of maybe 5 words, one of which was to shriek "BYE BYE" at a decibel level that would make a jack hammer blush. The only time mom sounded urgent enough to make him stop was when he rammed his head into her chin and she cried "OW, you hurt mommy, no!" He then crawled under the seat in front of them and found the elderly passenger's cane stowed beneath the seat at which point he picked it up and started slamming into the chair legs.

This went on for almost the entire two hours. They totally monopolized the beverage and snack cart with repeated requests for everything. To the point of others on the plane not getting anything.

To be fair, it was quite obvious from the onset that Junior was overtired and I realize there's a limit to what you can take on a plane, but still! The last 20 minutes, Junior and mom fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion whilst dad played games on his phone and polished off Junior's snacks in the baggie. They left a discarded diaper on the floor after deplaning.

Had this been me, I would have offered the distraction of games/toys on the plane and if Junior still insisted on slamming his hand into the headrest of another passenger, he would have received an attention getting smack. There would be a few moments of yowling and then finally peace. I'm pretty sure I can see into the future--this couple will get their child tested for some sort of syndrome as an excuse for the complete lack of parenting and then shove meds down the poor kid's throat.

I cringe at the future.

Comments

twoviewpoints's picture

"1. those who let their children run wild with no consequences
2. those who are EXHAUSTED from constantly trying to distract and "re-direct" their children away from dangerous/undesirable behavior."

You missed a category
3. those who parent their child and stay on top of parenting skills that don't require spanking.

And the example you gave for the 20mo old...that kid didn't need a spanking nor attempts at distraction. That kid needed a cage *shrugs*

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Or just something to do. The parents failed before they got on the plane. They had nothing for the child to do so of course the kids gonna find a way to entertain themselves. A simple coloring book, small toy, or even age appropriate phone games would have been good. I mean dad was on the phone the whole time. He's an adult who should be able to handle boredom. No two year old is able to sit absolutely quiet and still for 2 hours without something.

I believe a LIGHT swat at this age is reasonable in some spots but in this case it would have just been wrong. You can't just tell a kid no. You need to give them another option. "Honey stop playing with the blinds, why don't you ______ instead" hand them toy or book whatever.

secret's picture

I get really annoyed when people are all.... he's a chiiiild... he's suppoooooosed to be loud... why do you hate children...???

Um, no.

1) Yes, he's a child. Which means YOU need to reign him in, he can't control himself.
2) Yes, he's going to be loud - and it's YOUR job to stop him when you're somewhere like an airplane. Your shrieking monster may not be bothering you, but his ear piercing wails are bothering EVERYONE else.
3) I don't hate children - I hate the results of parents who can't parent and let their child be little turds for everyone else to endure while getting annoyed at those who dare get frustrated at having to put up with it.

I never really smacked my kids - I can count on one hand the amount it happened, in several years and multiple children.
I also never overused the word No. No meant finality, it meant business - it was not to be messed with.

I was also not stupid enough to forget to bring age appropriate things for the kids to do, so they wouldn't bother anyone else... it's people like that, that make people like myself pack up and leave a restaurant, mall, movie, anywhere there's a wild child on the loose with sh!tty parents doing nothing about it. They're the reason many places are not wanting "families" to go... adults only... they want to keep their business, not be turned into a chuck-e-cheese.

Just because YOU think it's ok for a toddler to run around screaming happily, doesn't mean I'm going to be ok with said child trying to climb my legs.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Uh-huh! I don't hate children. But I LOATHE the parents who ALLOW their offspring to act like mini banshee neanderthals on crack.

ksmom14's picture

OMG that sounds terrible!

I recently flew 17 weeks pregnant, with my 17 month old DD by myself with her in my lap. It wasn't horrific, but I will NEVER do that again!

The first flight (3 hours) consisted of 1st 30 minutes needing TONS of distraction and attention, the next 30 minutes her crying on and off because she was over tired and couldn't get to sleep (I was so embarrassed, but literally NOTHING would help until she finally fell asleep), the next 30 minutes her crashed out (finally!) and the remainder of the flight she was very well behaved, happy, and easy!

The flight home (2.5 hours) she crashed out during take off and slept for the first hour, then was quite well behaved and happy the next 1.5 hours.

But I had about 6 different snack options, juice, a paci, stickers, crayons & paper, 4 books, a small pouch with some favorite toys, a few apps on my phone, and small stacking cups, and she used ALLLLLL of these items at some point!

thinkthrice's picture

This is how my parents (and I) would have handled it had distractions failed and said child continued obnoxious behavior after being told no:

Parent escorts child into the bathroom. Child is told what he is doing wrong and needs to stop it followed with a light smack. Let child cry a bit, then come back to seat. Child is now settled and sleepy in the confidence that his parents are in charge. Voila!

ksmom14's picture

I will say though for my DD17 months spanking has not worked. She mimics us so much that if we swat/spank her she then tries to smack us.

I've resorted to time outs which have been working very well for her.

ESMOD's picture

I wish the airlines could have a small stash of distractions for the under 5 set!

It's too bad the flight attendants didn't ask the parents to stop the slamming of other passenger's headrests!

thinkthrice's picture

This is how my parents (and I) would have handled it had distractions failed and said child continued obnoxious behavior after being told no:

Parent escorts child into the bathroom. Child is told what he is doing wrong and needs to stop it followed with a light smack. Let child cry a bit, then come back to seat. Child is now settled and sleepy in the confidence that his parents are in charge. Voila!

tankh21's picture

My YSS behaves badly most of the time in public and my DH tells him to stop or no. When my DH did try to discipline him when he was little BM said that he was too hard on him so he left BM do the punishing because he got tired of fighting with her about it. BM coddles both of the skids so of course YSS is used to getting his way. Now that DH realizes he made a mistake in letting BM do the punishing which consisted of god knows what he is stepping up to the plate and correcting YSS behavior. YSS behavior is much worse at BM's house. For example a few weeks ago YSS bit OSS to the point where there was a huge bruise and bite marks like he had been bit by a rabid animal. I know it is none of my business but, when kids start misbehaving in public it is utterly embarrassing and I think to myself some people should never procreate because they can't control their kids or have lack of structure. I can't deal with my own skids being bad much less dealing with other people's kids. If I was on the plane with these idiot parents and their little spoiled snowflake I would've said can you put a lid on your kid.

DaizyDuke's picture

You can't provide minimal amounts of "parenting" to a child and then expect to board a plane and suddenly and miraculously become parent of the year in a two hour time frame and expect your child to respect your sudden zest for proper parenting. This is what it sounds like happened. That 2 hour period of time on the plane is probably the ONLY time in this 20 month old's life that the parents have attempted to parent. Sure it was all for show and once they got back home, they went back to letting kid run wild.

BS7 used to like to watch Supernanny. I would get pissed and sometimes end up in tears because what appeared in the beginning of the episode to be feral, out of control kids running the house.. where really just kids who didn't know any better because the parents were doing such a shit job. Then Supernanny comes along and imposes all these new rules and regulations and strategies and the kids lose it and you can't blame them!

SourGrapes's picture

The fact that these people left a dirty diaper after deplaning tells me everything I need to know about what kind of people they are. That is completely disgusting.

tankh21's picture

They are human garbage. I was at the grocery store one day and this woman with a couple of older kids was too lazy to put her cart with a bunch of trash in it in that thing where you put the carts and it was only like 10 feet away from her. I saw her put the cart up against my car and hit it. As she was backing up out of the parking place she happened to have her window rolled down and I said you are a lazy ass because you couldn't put your cart in the proper place and it hit my car. Thank you!! So what kind of example is this parent setting for their own kids!!

Jlbfinch's picture

I remember when my daughter was around that age I took her to this Christmas lights wonderland type place that's popular. She was acting perfectly fine until we got on the hayride and she suddenly went from angel to demon. She wanted to run all around the trailer and explore when obviously you're supposed to stay seated. She's getting upset and trying to wiggle away, I'm trying to hold her and redirect her to look at the lights, look at my phone, play patty cake, anything! Other passengers were doing that thing where they're pretending to ignore the brat but also making it obvious that they're annoyed by the situation. Well my daughter used all her strength to try and fling herself over my shoulder which would have sent her flying off the hayride so I sternly said "no!" and popped her on the leg. Then she proceeded to SCREAM at the top of her lungs like she was badly hurt for the whole rest of the ride. So I not only looked inadequate but also abusive. It was so embarrassing, there's nothing worse than a kid deciding to go feral in a small space with no escape.

WalkOnBy's picture

Oh, thrice, the stories I could tell about bad parents, bad children and airplanes. Sooooo many stories from my stewardess days...

thinkthrice's picture

I feel for flight attendants, waitresses, any one in customer service. I was a waitress at one time. I can say that the majority of "parents" parent this way now. Never used to be that way. You'll NEVER catch this type of behavior in Amish or Mennonite communities.

The first time I was exposed to bad parenting was when my parents invited a young couple with a five year old over for dinner. What a nightmare. I still remember it to this day and I could not have been more than ten years old. "Christian" was never taught to keep his hands to himself and not to touch other people's belongings.

"No, no, Christian" they kept saying with ZERO consequences. Half the time they were oblivious as "Christian" proceeded to take my guitar and pluck the strings violently and twist the tuning keys until they were almost broken. He started to stand on the guitar in an attempt to smash it and finally the mom pulled him off. My parents looked on in absolute HORROR! From toddlerhood we were taught to respect other people's property and NEVER to touch ANYTHING without getting permission first.

Acting up either at home or anywhere else was FORBIDDEN! When "Christian" and his parents left, my parents commented "they must be reading Dr. Spock books" and "Christian should be renamed Demon."

WalkOnBy's picture

We got spanked if we misbehaved. The kind of spanking where sitting down was difficult afterwards.

We didn't have to get spanked all that often - we liked to sit pain free.

Rags's picture

Had I been in front of their toxic spawn I would have kept hitting the call button until the issue was rectified and if I got no response I would have corrected the little shit myself. Moby Mommy and Dumbo Daddy be damned.

smomofone's picture

I don't know how you sat through that. Within my family I am known as a miracle worker when it comes to misbehaving kids. Most of my family spanks their kids. Most of my family go a bit far really with the physical discipline. On most occasions the kids still don't fully listen to the parent. But when I am around, once I hear the parent say No 3 times, on the fourth time I am saying "hey, didn't you hear your parent" That is usually all it takes. I have never once hit any of the children in our family. Actually once I smacked my nephew on the hand but it was light and a reaction to him smacking me in the face when he was 2.

I have found that most of the children in our family listen to me because they hear the "I mean business" tone in my voice. The ones that have tested me get a time out and while in time out I will sit with them and talk to them about why they are in trouble and why they don't get to do what they want. It has seamed to work. On a rare occasion it doesn't work they get their toys taken away until they learn to behave.

Once, I was staying at my cousins place. My grandma, cousins wife and I where the only adults in the home. Grandma and I where in the kitchen making dinner. Cousins wife was in the living room watching tv. My cousin's daughter was a demon child to say the least. We hear a knock at the door, cousin's wife doesn't speak English so she asks me to open it. I go open the door and a man is holding CDD. He says does this child belong to you. I say to my cousin, how do you have her, who are you? He proceeds to tell me he found her wandering down the street and has gone door to door looking for her parents. CDD was 4 at the time. I thanked him, took CDD in. Told Cousin's wife, WTF? The only way she could have gone out was through the front door and wife was sitting on the couch right by that door. She said I didn't see her go out. No bitch you didn't because you too busy with your lazy ass in front of the tv. Oh I was so mad. Took CDD to her room, explained to her what she did was wrong and told her she was in time out. It was the first time out she ever had. I went out of the room but was watching her. She got up from her bed and starts playing with her toys, I go back in there and tell her time out time was reset since she disobeyed again and played with toys. I did this about 3 times until she realized she wasn't getting her way. She ended up taking a nap.

Her mom was mad at ME for saying anything to her child and letting my cousin know what happened. I told her, if you don't want anyone teaching your children how to behave or when they do something wrong than you get off your lazy ass and do it yourself! They are lucky CPS wasn't called. Or that she was run over or kidnapped.

moeilijk's picture

So sad that the only way some people are able to control their children is by causing pain. Hate to wonder what their relationships with other adults are like. Some parents are just bad parents. Some of them hit their kids too.