Chef Boyardumb's Crash and Burn at the BBQ Cook-Off
I paid $125 for Chef and his work buddy (guy who is actually afraid of Chef as the Chef beat him up a few years ago) to get some peace and quiet for four hours.
Sounds like a good idea, no?
I even gave them my recipe adapted for the environs they were going to be cooking at.
AND there was only one other team at the Cook-Off!
Chef was bragging for WEEKS that he was going to WIN! He is VERY competitive and needs to WIN at everything (everything except PARENTING that is)
Instead, they spent the entire four hours BOOZING and making it up as they went along. I tasted their concoction at it was AWFUL!! I was actually angry that they were talking about using my recipe then discarded it at the last moment saying "they didn't have time."
Really? I realize 4 hours doesn't do ribs that much justice as I brine mine overnight at the very least. But still!
I tasted the other team's ribs and they tasted like Chili Powder and Brown Sugar. Yawn!
I kept saying: "Did you follow my recipe? Where's the liquid smoke? Those aren't MY ribs!"
They kept whining "we didn't have tiiiiime." Come to find out they spent most of the time boozing and Chef actually almost got into a bar fight oggling a 30 something woman who was smashed and who was NOT flirting back!! IMAGINE! The HORRORS as Chef is "god's gift to all women (TM)"
Instead she spurned him with: "What the hell are YOU looking at??!!"
Chef immediately became incensed (it doesn't take much especially when he's sauced) and was going to lunge at her boyfriend/husband. Of course Chef had to blurt out the proverbial "I CRAP bigger than her boyfriend!" Apparently this woman was flirting actively as her boyfriend/husband told her to tone down the flirtation. WOW! SHOCKING that CHEF wasn't the hottest thing since Jalapenos! (eyeroll)
They won second prize and after that Chef went on about "I thought ours was the BEST" and "something went wrong because the Chef (the real one) told us that our sauce was great and gave us two thumbs up."
Haven't you heard of LYING so that suckers like you will think you are really talented and continue to pump money into the culinary centre??!! Oh wait, that's what your EX-WIFE does to your children so that *should* sound VAGUELY familiar to you, Chef Boyardumb!!
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Comments
Good nickname for him. What a
Good nickname for him. What a fricken nutcase. Too bad her BF wouldn't have been a UFC champ or something and gave him a good beat down.
Hmm...ChefBoyardumb Rib
Hmm...ChefBoyardumb Rib recipee.
Set oven to 300 degrees
add salt and pepper to each side of ribs.
Open up bottle of whiskey
Wrap each rib in almumum foil
Take a swig of whiskey
Place ribs in baking sheet and place in oven
Meanwhile chop onions
Pour two shots of whiskey
fry onions until browned
Add mixture of tomato paste and water to saucepan
Add shot of whiskey
Drink other shot.
Add cayenne pepper
Add Brown sugar
Add Apple cider vinegar
drink another shot whiskey
Spit out shot of cider vinegar accidentally consumed
Pour another shot of whisky
Add onion powder
Add garlic powder
Add liquid smoke
Drink another shot of whiskey
Pour another shot of whiskey
Stir saucepot until sauce thickens
Drink another shot of whiskey
Check on ribs
Reach for first aid kit from having burned yourself
Drink another shot of whiskey to dull the pain.
Pull out phone book
Order take-out.
Yeah pretty much it,
Yeah pretty much it, Drac0--except for the part about flirting with younger women and expecting them to be mesmorized.
And misSTEP, I would pay good money to see Chef to get a good beating! Too bad Ultimate Fighting is not legal here in NYS.
Believe it or not, I am
Believe it or not, I am actually an amazing cook when I am drunk. There is just a small problem though.
Guest: "Wow Drac0! This is AMAZING!?! How did you do it? Can you give me the recipe?"
Me: "Oh it's easy! You just take some soya sauce, garlic, and....uh....Why did I cut up a grapefruit?"
I cook by basic cooking
I cook by basic cooking skills and taste as well. But I write things down for next time or, in this case for Chef Boyardumb, the great channeler of his deceased father who was the greatest cook of all time. (eye roll) :barf:
Oh doncha know Chef's father
Oh doncha know Chef's father was a THOUSAND times better than Julia.
I can picture him now the way Chef describes him. 300 lbs of hulking, smoking, sweating, hairy, boozing, arse scratching culinary capabilities with a cig in one hand and a spatula in the other, barking out orders and turning purple with rage.
Think Mel of Mel's dinner plus 80 lbs or so. The best cook in all of Redneck, New York (upstate)
Thanks for the naming
Thanks for the naming convention! Ha ha, I would totally die of embarrassment if Bobby Flay ever showed up. Those were the worst ribs I have ever tasted in my life! They would have tasted better if they had been baked in ketchup!
And yes, Chef Boyardumb t level is obscenely high. Which is a shocker since his voice is so high and he hardly has any "gear"