Well today is Monday the first day back since he left again this time for 5 days, in which he hardly seen Derric let alone take a phone call from me!! Im not sure how he ended up coming back this time, I tried and to refrain from begging him to come home and well on Sat night he came over late after of course he went to the races with his family. Yes he invited me only though after I had mentioned that I would love to go sounded fun. I didn't! Aprox. 2am I had beat around the bush enough to learn that infact the determination of actual need to move out and consider we were through was not really that of "I run my mouth" "All we do is fight" it appears he was/is allowing Cyndie to win. Of course she would do anything to tear us apart, for what reasons and motives I WILL FIND OUT ONE WAY OR ANOTHER! So he said to me, in regards to what bullshit she was going to come up with before the next court date "Crimsson & I are going to be moving into the motorhome at my moms, so there is really nothing she can say." In lamants terms he wasn't about to walk the walk with me us together as planned for the sake of being a complete family and the chance for cc to finally have some what of "normal" life he was going to run from me and any chance that he may loose his daughter even if it meant loosing us and Derric in the meantime. I was just flabergasted and of course i vented to the point that I did not could not and would not see past this being ok so I told him that he needed to leave and so of course he did. Sunday morning to my surprise he called and wanted of course though all or nothing to know if we were going to be able to quit fighting and if i thought it would be safe for him to load his truck and come home. He came home and we argued he left to get Sissy and at that point I had thought he wasn't coming bak for we were just not able to quit the arguing I took a nap with DJ when I woke up Sissy her friend Toddy and his friend and James were here. So here we are again, one big happy family!! (oh my) We really need counceling. So on Friday I knew just what i needed to do so that I may able myself to once and for all stand on my own two feet regardless what's going on with a man or no man. However, this isn't just any man anymore It's my Husband, my husband of course whom told me straight face in the eyes he wasn't in love with me and hasn't been for a long time. He then informed me that he had filed out the divorce papers and they were on the floor board of his truck. I was completley devasated. Not enough to motivate me in any other direction then stuck on stupid, scared, no move mode & for the most part just seemed to spin circle to circle with no clue of where to go or what to do. I could and probally should write a whole bunch about this to once and for all discover my actual true feeling and determine just what it is my heart feels and what to do about those discoveries but for now Oh my God where did the day go? Oh wow? I think I would be content to have a day or two a full from morning to night by myself (with baby) to just do whatever important not important productive not so productive fittle fattle and then there I could clear my head and contunie in the right direction! That's not gonna happen, heck our 1 year anniversary is coming up on the 1st of September and today is August 25 and of course, no plans made or to be made. This is where I call my life a total and complete R E P E A Tq!! More later.......