the kids cell phone
So,...Background:
FDH has primary custody, BM gets visitation. BM does not pay for ANYTHING no CS, no doctor bills, no school expenses, clothes, nothing,....
Ok, so FDH is cutting off communication with BM, nothing but email.
He started by getting the kids their own cell phone, telling BM to stop calling his cell when she wants to talk to the kids, instead, call the KIDS cell to talk to the KIDS. This went fine. Until BM started yelling at the kids for not calling her more often, now that they have their own phone. Then denying them access to their phone when at her place during visitation telling the kids, "you don't call me when you are at dad's, so I'm not going to let you call him when you are here." The kids get punished while at BMs house if they didn't call BM the previous week. She then also takes their phone, turns it off and locks it in her room the whole time they are at her place.
So, FDH has had the thought of getting the kids a track phone. That can only dial out a few numbers such as:FDH, Mine, his parents home, and his mother's cell phone. It can still receive calls, so BM can still call. But it takes away the ability of BM to yell at the kids for not calling her, (if they physically can't)
FDH though of presenting it to BM as: "I pay for the phone and this is the choice I made. If you want to pay for a phone for the kids to call you, text you, whatever, you are more than welcome to."
What do you guys think??
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Comments
It sounds great but BM will
It sounds great but BM will not be happy and it may backfire on him if it goes to court. I would be documenting BM taking their phones and punishing the kids for not calling her. Has DH asked BM why she is punishing the kids and why she takes their phone and locks it up?
No FDH has never discussed it
No FDH has never discussed it with BM, Every time he calls the phone is turned off, strait to voicemail.
Sometimes the kids have gotten into the car for pick up, and it is like the phone just got turned on, it explodes with missed voicemails and text messages,...
all FDH or I have heard from BM is angry texts and voicemails accusing us of not letting her kids call her.
(one incident was BM texting me saying I had stopped her daughter from calling her: all day while I was at work somehow I stopped her from calling)
FDH has chosen not to confront BM and just take care of the kids aspect:
Yes, BM can still take the phone away, but if the kids have no way to CALL or TEXT(the still have email access 100% of the time if they want to email) she can't yell at them for not doing it.
Yes, BM is crazy and will
Yes, BM is crazy and will find another way to get back at FDH or anther way to punish the kids, but he is focusing on what he can do, whats out of his control is out of his control, but this specifically he can stop.
During the summer it is EOW during school year she gets EOWE
Yes, the kids have FDH cell memorized in emergencies,.... however, BM does not have a house phone, so when the kids are left alone there is not any phone but their own left for them to use...if it is left out
First, can I ask, why does
First, can I ask, why does the BM just not pick up her cell and call the kids if she wants to talk to them? Sounds pretty weird on her part to punish a kid for not calling her when she could easily call them. Must be some warped little game she plays for attention?
Yes, she is just using it for
Yes, she is just using it for attention. The phone is just another means of her control,... she is losing control in every other area (with FDH not answering anything but emails anymore) she is looking for whatever way she can get some control or stick it to him.
I think that's a great idea.
I think that's a great idea. If they want to call their mother they can use a home phone? But will BM start calling DH's cell again or the house phone? I'd document shit like this for future court trips.
I think a better idea would
I think a better idea would be to have cell phone use for calling Dad and being permitted to call Dad whenever they like should be a provision in a revised CO.
In ours, there are three times during the week when the other parent may call the child, but the child can call the other parent whenever they want.
FDH just took BM back to
FDH just took BM back to court to get a revised visitation schedule, so I don't think going back to court anytime soon is on FDH mind.
And honestly we have trouble enforcing all the other things in the CO,... all BM has to say is the same thing we say, "the kids don't want to call" and if that is what we are saying why wouldn't it work for her as well?? CO or NOT?
BM has such an effect on the
BM has such an effect on the kids, it literally changes their mood for the ENTIRE night when they talk to her,... so although respect is important, I agree, I do not think FDH is going to be MAKING his kids get in a bad mood over it.... and it is NEVER a 2 min call.... it's sometimes worse if BM calls and the kids don't talk, she has yelled at them on the phone before telling them to stop being "crab asses" and pestering them "what's wrong? why don't you want to talk to me?" the kids have cried on the phone before, numerous times.
FYI FDH always tells the kids to stop lieing to their mom, they are not allowed to call her bad names, and they HAVE to answer the phone WHEN SHE CALLS, but he will not force them to call her.
It also bothers the kids when
It also bothers the kids when she says, "I love you and I miss you" three times in a 10 min phone call and by the goodbye she gets angry when they start repeating the words like robots or counting on their fingers how many times she says it during the call.
THIS IS EXACTLY THE
THIS IS EXACTLY THE CASE!!!!!!
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!
It isn't in the CO that she has "times to call" but any time we hear the phone ring, we make the kids answer the phone.... and the kids phone is always sitting out on the kitchen counter, they can call any time they want to,.... they just don't WANT to,....
and BM thinks we are stopping them from calling her.... so she stops them from calling FDH,...
EVEN IF we MADE the kids call BM she can still do the same thing with the phone at her place,.... AND on top of that WE have to deal with MORE UPSETING from the kids here WHEN THEY ARE FORCED to call her,...
I will never forget the look
I will never forget the look on the skids face when (back before CO scheduled visitation and back before the kids had their own phone)
FDH text to say he was picking up the kids at the agreed time, and BM text back, "the kids said they want to stay another night"
When he showed up the next day to get them the boy asked, "what did you and "outsider" do yesterday that you couldn't pick us up?"
And FDH whipped out his phone to show the texts back and forth
Three kids all in a row
:jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop:
"Mom said you were doing something with "outsider" and didn't want to come get us! We wanted you to come get us, she told us we had to stay because you didn't want to come get us!"
FDH then had to hug them as they cried about how they couldn't believe their Mom had lied and stopped them from coming home.
Lied to them, lied to FDH,...
The look on the kids faces!
Not a bad idea to just keep
Not a bad idea to just keep the phone here.... if BM isn't letting FDH talk to the kids, why let the phone go there at all,...