Thought I was alone!!!!
I have been married for over 8 years and tormented by my husband's ex the entire time. She uses the children against him every chance she gets. I thought when they got older things would ease up, but they just keep getting worse. His son just turned 19 and his daughter just turned 17. Their mother enrolled the son in school just to keep child support coming. Come to find out, he didn't even score high on placement test to take the courses he needs, he has to take developmental courses first. And BM wants more child support and money for college. Meanwhile our daughter(my bd) his step child, has to go without things she needs because over 50% of his paycheck gets sent to his first family. I had enough, and I want to do something about it. 2nd and 3rd families count too, and I am tired of being told that me and my daughter don't count, that we don't deserve to be happy and have a life. When I found this site, I was relieved, i thought I was the only living in a world of torment. We shouldn't have to live this way. Who gave anyone the right to say what child is more important, I thought all children are supposed to be important and the right to be happy.
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Welcome Tag!!
Unfortunately you are definately NOT alone! I'm glad you found this site, it has been a lot of help to have a place to come to vent and seek good advice from others that have been in similar situations. Just wanted to drop you a line and say welcome!
Hello There.
There are alot of demented BM's out there that you will notice throughout this site. No child is more important to another especially in the one family, it's shouldn't matter weather they have the same father or same mother, kids are all equal.
Welcome to the site, I have only been on this site for the last couple of months (i wish I had found it 4 years ago), and it has helped me tremendously.
Everyone on here is great, they are friendly, they don't judge and they all have some great words of wisdom.
I hope you find this site as helpful as I do.
Thank you
Thank you for warm welcome. I hope this site is able to help, because I feel so lost, but I have this determination to try to find a way to change the laws. It only takes one, but i know is a million more out there in the same situation. But thank you again.
Hi honey
Check the child support agreement or laws in the state of child support - if your SS doesn't meet minimum grade requirements or stay enrolled full time, your DH may be able to stop paying his mom.
You are definitely not alone - come on, join the fun! (joke). No, this site made all the difference for me too - welcome!!!
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
College CS should go directly to the and not BM.
Tag,
Welcome, I hope you find this a good place to vent, contribute and get some useful input.
Check the CS rules in your county. I believe you will find that CS ceases to go to the custodial parent when the child is in college and goes instead directly to the kid. If the child does not meet grade and timely proof or enrollment criteria then CS is void and cannot be reinstated.
It sounds to me as if your DH will be out from under CS completely if his daughter is as disconnected as his son is.
Good luck and best regards,
In our case,
my DH's divorce/CS is thru-Florida, and they have to follow what was written in the decree. CS for my DH stops when skids turn 18, or graduate high school, if they are 18, and finishing high school that year, it goes to age 19, or graduation, whatever comes first. The only thing it said about college,or post education , is that the parents will assist in financing for a minor child.....both of the skids will be over 18 by the time they make it out of high school, so we are not concerned with that. Also, BM in one of her e-mail fits, wrote to us that she does not "even need CS, and I will put it away for the kids college, as I know you will not pay for any of it!!!" Maybe I'm wrong, but that $$ comes from DH, so that means he IS paying for it.? Right? Too funny. "~waiting on the world to change~"
CS
When we went to court to emancipate his son, the judge gave the BM until September to prove his was enrolled in school, not only did the Judge not emancipate his son, he raised the child support saying a 19 cost more. Her attorney is her brother. We are dealing with the State of NJ and it is not easy. There is just so much to tell I don't where to begin, other than I wish it would all just go away. On top of that, his daughter had costemic dental implants put in, the BM accepted the price and was paying it, didn't even notify DH, when we went to court out of retaliation, she asked the courts for him to pay the $4,800.00 and court granted it. We can't even afford to have dental work done, my daughter needs some medically necessary work done and we can't afford it. alot to story, will write later.
Welcome !
Trust me, you are not alone out here in step parent world. You and your child are not less and don't ever think that. No one has that right to judge a status quo. It seems to me that the BD always gets the short end of the stick - always. Chel Bell motto says "waiting for the world to change" I'm waiting too.
Welcome to the site, It was a marriage saver for me.
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
CS & College
Definitely depends on the state, and on the divorce settlement that was signed- each one is different, as you are seeing here.
In our case, we are in PA. DHs ex is also money-grubbing witch who gets astronomical CS for having the kids 50% of the time (over $4250/mo.) DH also pays for ALL High School/grade school tuitions/clothing/activities/medical/dental, etc- you get the picture. BM pays for basically nothing.
Supposedly, BM claimed CS NEEDED to be that high because she wanted to one day contribute to the girls college education.
Well, SD turned 18 in August 08. S applies for college and gets into the most expensive one in the counrty- GW in DC ($52K/yr). Because of DH's income, SD is not eligible for any financial assistance, so it's all parent's expense.
OK, BM- so what portion are you going to pay????
Drumroll, please....can you guess....
A BIG FAT ZERO!
BM cries poor mouth. As usual. Because DH is now cutting her CS (for 2 kids/ at 50% time) to $3650/month. Poor baby.
So DH pays 100% of the college tuition. But not to BM. All the bills go DIRECTLY to the college. Period. Not a dime goes near that witch's hands.
And the extra spending money for SD18 goes directly into her GW account that only SHE has access to and DH controls.
Have your DH cover his A$$ and make sure that no extra money gets near his ex. If she's anything like my DHs ex, like the CS, it'll never be used for what it's intended!
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
Wow
That is god awful!! That would annoy me no end!! you are very saintly my dear
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
Can't win
We have borrowed money for attorneys and still get no where. Right now we don't even know if his son actually even started school. The Judge gave her 30 days after each semester to send his grades and attendance. it is just outrageous. She is still getting child support every month. I have been informed she has told the son he doesn't have to work, and can just sit around and do nothing so she can get more in support. We need an attorney, but we just can't afford it, every time we go to court we end having to pay her attorneys fees, and it is sickening because it is her brother and you know he isn't charging her. We have spent over $10,000.00 in the last year alone. She just violated a restraining and we had to drop the charges, because she made up charges against my husband and he was going to lose his job. I have proof my sd has been abused, and nobody will do anything, we have contacted dyfs and the judge even saw the emails and pics and just disregarded it. I am just sick to my stomach. I just can't take much more. My sd used to call me several times a week and email me all time, since BM had her lock up in an instition because she couldn't handle her, my sd doesn't even call or email anymore. If it wasn't for me, on several occasions when my sd ran away, bm wouldn't of ever known where she was.
I'm sorry to hear your
I'm sorry to hear your story. I also have to deal with that state, it's just ridiculous! I do not know what to do either. I'm considering divorce as we speak, to protect my other child (currently living with me). It appears that NJ only considers children important if the parents divorce.