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EVIL SD

supermama's picture

Submitted by supermama on Fri, 02/10/2012 - 12:35pm

I am back with a "fake" name...don't know why I would use my real one in the 1st place. Well, today is the day, my evil SD is due over for her every other weekend visit, and as usual I have anixety.

I have told my husband flat out that if he doesn't speak to her and punish her for her innappriorate behavior than I will flat out ignore her all weekend and do NOTHING to help with her (he can make dinner, clean up after her, etc) I am at the end of my rope and being 7 mos preg I don't need the additional stress.

I summerized in my last blog (but had to recreate my account so its gone now) she is now 11, problems started when she was about 7-8. I have been in her life since she was 4 and had no problems til she got older. she constantly lies, instigates, is defiant, shows lack of respect and is now running back and forth between households intentionally causing problems and telling her mother things that were NEVER said or done. Every time she causes a problem she asks to stay at a friends house on "our" weekend so she knows what she is doing is wrong. Her mother and her father let her...thus she never gets talked to about the problem nor punished.

I have come to the point where I loathe and dispize her. The mention of her name causes my skin to crawl. I have talked to my husband and her mother repeatdly about her behavior, but they both make excuses for her. She is a "rotten" apple, while her brother is so well behaved. I have tried positive renforcement, kind words, and even ignoring her....nothing works and I am at my wits end (this has been going on for YEARS and is now getting worse) I could care less and really look forward to the times she does not come over.

Im glad to find a place where I can vent openly with people who KNOW what Im going through. I vent to my 2 best girlfriends and while they are sympahtic and agree that this is not accepatable, nether have to deal with the blended household issue Sad

Thank you

Comments

gijimenez5's picture

Submitted by gijimenez5 on Fri, 02/10/2012 - 12:39pm

I feel for you. It's great to have a place to come and vent even though not everyone has your views. I like the honest comments if someone doesn't see it my way and vice versa. I like you get anxiety every other weekend. I feel as I am walking on eggshells, I feel I can't make plans (as to not interupt SS11 weekends), and I don't feel like myself. I hate the fact that this 11 year old makes me feel this way and I question if I am a monster because after all he is a kid, but I just can't help what I feel, no more then I can help who I fell in love with. I wish I knew how to fix it because I would pass on the advice to you.

bestwife's picture

Submitted by bestwife on Fri, 02/10/2012 - 12:46pm

Just accept that she is totally worthless. doesn't matter if your spouse agrees.

You cannot fix her. Just ignore her and expect her to live a pathetic life. Keep your finances in a way that it will not hurt you.

dalhia's picture

Submitted by dalhia on Fri, 02/10/2012 - 12:53pm

hey supermama, i have the evil SD too, she is 12, she has been in my life for the last 7 years. same stories...lying LOTS, bad attitute, manipulation, false accusations, horrible stuff..you name it, and i do too have to deal with my own anxiety and feelings towards her because my skin crawls and my blood boils, AND she lives with us 100% of the time...now, for a second try to imagine THAT!!!!!

the more i read the stories the more normal i feel about my own experiences and this is a great place ot share stories and help eachother. the main thing im learning is about limits, and im not talking about disciplining or limits for the SD. im talking about limits for you. YOU are the only thing you have control over and you have to set limits for yourself.

here is my opinion: you are 7 months pregnant and you should be taking care of you and your big belly Smile that should be your priority.

set limits, ignore her, do not do stuff for her, food, or laundry or entertainment, or rides ,or ANYTHING. make plans with your frineds when she is around, go to a spa, go for a walk, read a book..ask her how she is doing, how is life going..when she answers "FINE!!!" or "OK, WHATEVER" or the selected nasty answer of the moment, you can say "wow, OK you seem upset, maybe you want to talk to your dad about it" or "ok, good to hear you are fine, im fine too" with a soft voice...and you happily hop hop your way to whatever you will do next Smile

do your thing, take a step aside...calmly..and see what happens...next time she comes do it again, and see what the results are when you are not always there taking it. be pleasant but firm and a bit ...gone...like "not there, ready to fight, or to discipline, or to show DH this or that....just do your thing. do the experiment and see what happens, you might be surprised!

for sure it will be good for your nerves and your baby
you have the advantage that you can regroup, think and breathe at peace while she is not there visiting, i have to think really on my feet..for me is a 24/7/365 deal
good luck and stay around

supermama's picture

Submitted by supermama on Fri, 02/10/2012 - 12:58pm

Thank you so much. Lately I have been trying to be out of the house when she is even here. Its hard sometimes becuase I have a biological 3 yr old too, lately I have just been taking her on walks, to the play place at the mall etc. and when my husband gets mad I explain they are here to see YOU. Smile

Im sorry you have to deal with it 24/7 I just count my blessings im only stuck with her like 4 days a month.

captivasun636's picture

Submitted by captivasun636 on Fri, 02/10/2012 - 12:55pm

I feel the exact same way when it comes to my sd17. It has gotten so bad that I gave my dh 2 choices..... Act like her father or she is no longer allowed in the house. He chooses the easy way out as she has not been at our home in 6 months. He drives an hour once a week and has dinner with her. I know it is not healthy for our marriage for me to have given him those choices. I have put up with 6 years of lies and will not let her continue to cause havoc in our household. Its so bad that her 2 older step daughters no longer accept her......

HadEnoughx5's picture

Submitted by HadEnoughx5 on Fri, 02/10/2012 - 2:28pm

BM alienated the evil seed from Dh. Her behavior was so bad Dh told her to no longer come over since she could not be respectful and follow rules.

As much as I am against alienation, BM did me a favor. I no longer feel anxious, walking on egg shells in my own home. I can breathe!

I would not allow SD to be disrespectful to you. Put her in her place in front of Dh. Let him know that you're not going to tolerate that behavior. At the same time, take care of yourself. This should be a happy time for you and being 7 months pregnant can be tough too.

Do some things for yourself, leave SD in the dust! Good Luck to you and baby!!