Inspired by Pantera's blog about obsession with BM
I've found SD13's obsession with BM to be quite disturbing. Everything SD13 is about mirrors from BM. Her choices in clothing, her favorite shows, her favorite music, her fascination with tattoos & piercings, her love of angels/fairies, her favorite color, etc. Oddly, every "favorite" that BM has is SD13's "favorite" too. How many 13-year old girls have "The Cure" videos & "Duran Duran" & "Depeche Mode" music posted on their profiles? How many 13-year old girls would use the phrase, "I am fascinated by tattoos & piercings" when listing her interests on her profile. Isn't this an age where she should be discovering who she is as an individual & developing into her own person?
BM left when SD13 was 2. The years BM spent "finding herself" were incredibly traumatic for SD. When she came back, SD was 8. BM had visitation as she chose. There were many weekends she said she wanted to have them but then just not show up. This was traumatic as well. It made it difficult for SD & SS to come back to DH because they didn't know if/when they would get to see BM again. When they went back to live with BM, SD was 10. I believe SD has suffered from separation anxiety with BM. Since she went to live with her, SD hasn't had slumber parties at any of her friends homes. When she was having friends spend the night, the friends would sleep in SD's room, & SD would sleep with BM.
I feel like I understand the fear that SD feels, as well as anyone who has not experienced the things she has can understand it. It worried me, though, that she mirrors EVERYTHING after BM. They cycle BM & her mother & the other women in her family have continued isn't one I wish for any girl/woman. SD is BEAUTIFUL. She is absolutely beautiful. She is incredibly creative & has such a kind sweet heart. It hurts to see her potential...those wonderful traits that are truly her being shut down & replaced with these dark depressing ugly characteristics of BM's that she seems to force into herself. BM is lonely & dark. She's depressing & angry. The language SD13 posts on her Facebook profile...and I realize teenagers think they're mouth makes them hot shit, but it's just lewd & everything is "muthafuckin'". She's got lip piercings. I showed DH a pic the other night & he was in tears. He was hurt, because he knows that in her heart that isn't her. Her face is pierced because BM's face is pierced.
There's nothing DH can do about it. It's just hard to see a child with so much potential be so eager to be the shadow of someone so unworthy.