Evidently Social Services has made contact
I don't know if it's a result of my phone call to CPS or DH's contact with the school district in trying to verify enrollment.
You know that song (it's kind of old) "How far is Heaven"? It's one that SD loved when she was little. We heard it on our way home yesterday & DH asked me to text SD from his phone to tell her he loves her & misses her. He's texted her a hundred times & she's never taken the time to acknowledge him. She texted right back yesterday. She said:
"I love you too dad. Sorry I haven't called back or texted you when you called on my birthday. I've just been super busy".
Immediately following was:
"But dad I have to be honest. The reason I haven't really been around or called is because of the things you're doing...yeah there's times where I miss you so badly and times where I want my dad back in my life".
Followed by:
"But calling social services...? Dad I'm happy with mom and are next door neighbor is a teacher. She's been teaching us".
DH looked at me confused & said, "Social services? I never called social services". I said, "I did. Remember? I called CPS". He said, "Well, they aren't doing what they need to be doing. Something had to be done." Then he said, "Text her back & tell her I never called social services & ask her what's going on." I did, & got no reply.
Of course, he's feeling crapped on, & I'm L.I.V.I.D. My anger isn't even so much with BM at this point. Yes, I know that SD is behaving the way she is because it's what she's lived, but I've accepted that BM's just a sorry POS. But for SD to have that kind of attitude...I can't say I'm surprised, but it makes me so angry. I would've thought that with SD being the one most affected by BM walking away & acting like the kids didn't exist...having felt the hurt & rejection that comes from something like that herself...I'm SO fucking pissed that she is SO selfish & conditional in her relationship with DH.
This deal with social services has only come about in the last few weeks. She has been making excuses, & has pinned EVERY bit of the blame on DH, for years now. Until SHE feels DH has no flaws, she will blackmail him with their relationship. In the past it's been because he took BM to court for visitation. It's been because when BM was "missing" he told SD he was never going to remarry & 8 years later he did. It's been because I don't give DH & SS enough "alone" time together. It's been because DH "doesn't pay enough CS". This social services thing is just another convenient excuse.
Thankfully my DH is hard-headed enough not to concede to blackmail...from BM or the kids, but I KNOW it's hurtful for him.
As for the House Party coming up, being that social services is already involved, I think we're just going to wait until that night, give them a couple of hours to get started, & call the police to report it & ask them to check on it. BM was dumb enough to post the pics from SS's 18th birthday (and labeled it as such) with numerous photos of him clinging to his bottle of Grey Goose. She posed in some of them with him, so she can't claim she didn't know. She posed in pics with everyone else who was there, & there wasn't a soul who looked fully coherent. Everyone's eyes were red, glossy, & half-closed.
I've saved all of them to disc, along with the FB party advertisement, should they opt to delete any of it before court.
I know this needed to happen. I don't guess social services has made a final report at this point. I don't know what all will be looked into at this point.
I'm mad. I'm nervous. We're getting ready to begin another ugly court process & it feels overwhelming not knowing what all is happening...in their home or with social services.
I've felt this way before, & everytime I have the end results have sucked.
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I really can't imagine things
I really can't imagine things going anymore downhill with them that it is. I feel pretty sure we've hit bottom, but as soon as I start to feel confident in that, a sinkhole will cave, & we'll find ourselves below the surface of the bottom of the hill.
Really, all we've handled is making phone calls. Hopefully it won't have to be handled between DH & BM. If all goes well, the system will handle it. What can she do then...go before the judge & whine because DH inquired with the school to determine whether or not the kids were in??? CS is involved. He had to verify SS wasn't enrolled so he could proceed with the CS case. The fact that it created a hassel for her was not his doing, so I don't know how it could come out against him.
To be able to come out of the courtroom paying for SD only will be satisfying. If they can get things figured out with school & know that social services will be dropping in from time-to-time...I'd feel better. The best part of it will be knowing it didn't have to come out of spite through DH. It's all between her & the system now.
LOL! No. I was fully
LOL! No. I was fully prepared to receive a call at work yesterday, as it should've shown up in her mailbox. I think the web she's woven with social services has gotten her tangled enough & has trumped the inconvenience of CS being cut in half. I think she's probably irked enough at this point there will be no contact between the homes until the CS hearing rolls around...unless SS has a run-in with her, at which point he'll decide he wants time with DH. Even with that, BM will refuse to drive him anywhere. After all, the fact that contact has been reinstated is SS's fault. He's the one who went against her wishes in getting back in touch with DH again.
It's my understanding CPS
It's my understanding CPS makes contact within 48 hours of your call. A report on the other hand may take several weeks. This was explained to BM at the time of contact also. We have verification of this in our particular case.
I don't know exactly how to put everything into words but I'm going to try. We too have made calls to CPS gone thru the court system, you name it. As much as my husband and I care for his children it has become apparent that they are brainwashed beyond saving. The court system only cares about money ie child support and lawyer fees. If you walk into court before our Judge she actually belittles you. The things we've done are numerous and have always been with the children's best interest at heart.
Your BM sounds as if she feels she's "GOLDEN". Eventually people like this get caught and in my opinion. It's best if it happens on its own, without any involvement from you. I totally understand how you feel, or think I do. What you have to consider is the simple fact that this could very well be a set up for if you to make the call. Yes it's true that there might be others involved, but we can't save the world. I don't mean to sound argumentative in any way. Yes it would be a blessing if they actually do have the party and get busted, but is BM really that stupid after CPS just contacted her? She'll allow the kids to have a party with illegal things going on? They know we're on their Facebook pages and bait us. Obviously CPS made contact and your SD kept her mouth shut until yesterday. When was this party page started? If the police show up and there is no party? I believe in order for the police to enter her home they're going to need a search warrant, Facebook isn't enough evidence for them to produce that to my knowledge. My fear and something you should consider is the fact that it’s like the case of the boy who cried wolf. You might need the help of the Police Department in the future and they won’t take your allegations seriously.
I have something else for you to ponder. Not at all meant to seem negative or argumentative. Do you want your step-children to come back to you and your husband because they’re forced to? Wouldn’t you rather see it because they’ve come back to their senses? I know what I feel and think and it’s very difficult to put into words. I love my step-children dearly. I’ve told my husband if we are faced with them showing up on the doorstep, it’s mandatory that they attend counseling sessions asap. They’re so messed up psychologically, after seeing and dealing with the family court system I truly understand why our society has so many dysfunctional individuals in it. It's very simular to dealing with an drug addict in my opinion. "You can't save someone who sees nothing wrong with their way of life".
I'm not sure how it would
I'm not sure how it would benefit BM or the kids to post this as a "set up". As far as the incriminating pics BM has posted on her FB proving that she allows underage drinking in her home, how does that set anyone up but her? As for the party page, I'm not sure how it can be harmful to us to ask the police to check on it. If it's happening, she gets caught. If it isn't, good! Either way, we'll know we didn't just sit by & do nothing & have somebody get hurt or killed because it could've been a set up.
Would BM really be that stupid after CPS just contacted her? Absolutely! I realize it's hard to swallow, but without a doubt...YES! She behaves like a child. She does her damndest to fit in with the group of teens she keeps hoarded in her home. Fitting in with a younger crowd is what she lives for. She loses any sense of reality when she's playing the "friend" role. Of course, all of the kids love her for it & praise her for being so "cool", & for being "the mom they always wanted". She "understands" them. They all wish their moms were more like her. That support & recognition is what drives her. Her refusal to behave like a parent & her need to fit in & "feel young again" will be her demise.
SS is the only one I have "friended" on my FB. He doesn't do a lot of FB, so none of this has come through his page. As for SD & BM, they don't know that I have access to their pages, as I have a fake account setup. SD & BM aren't the ones who actually made the party page. I only came across that because SD posted a comment on the page. I linked to it by way of her comment.
We're not looking for the kids to come back to us. SS is 18. He can go wherever he wants to go. SD is 15 & given her attitude toward us, as sad as it is to say, I wouldn't suggest that our home would be the best place for her. However, what responsible concerned parent would sit back & just let it all happen without making some kind of effort to make it stop? If it came down to SD being placed in foster care...it would be heartbreaking, but it would be a better place than where she is now.
I fully understand that they are their own people, & that we can't MAKE them change. We can, however, make an effort to ensure that they are in a safe place with people who have their best interest in mind. If that's all we can do, it's all we can do. But without a doubt, they are worth the effort.
The system is what it is. Our past experiences have certainly left us beside ourselves, but to pass all of this off & just watch it happen with the fact that the system blows ass is nothing short of completely irresponsible. I want to continue making my path in life knowing that I've made every effort I felt I could make. What they do with it is theirs to own. I can't live with the idea that my negligence contributed to their outcome.
I'm beyond any hope of "saving" them. I'm just looking to see that they get through high school so they can be eligible for a fucking job.
Has your Ss used your
Has your Ss used your computer? Don't think for a minute he's loyal to you.
As far as the pictures you have she'll say that was water. So in reality you have no real proof.
Best of luck to you, I hope it all turns out favorable. I'm sorry we've just lost all sense of hope. Please don't think for a minute I don't care. It breaks my heart what has been done to my husband and his children, but in the long run they are the ones paying the ultimate price for their actions.
We don't have a home
We don't have a home computer. I use mine at work. After all we've been through with him I wouldn't dream of being foolish enough to believe he is trustworthy.
She can claim it's water if she wants to. If the law shows up at her house she can claim it's water then too. In that case, they'll be able to do the sniff test to verify.
If they show up at her home in the midst of a party, they don't have to have a search warrant. I have been company at a party where the police showed up & made themselves comfortable in the kitchen until they had questioned everyone there.
I'm not suggesting that they'll turn her house upside down looking for evidence, but with minors & underage kids partaking as they do at parties, it likely won't be difficult for them to have enough evidence to charge her.
Even if they show & let her off the hook, I'll still be able to say I did what I could.
I understand that they will be the ones paying for their actions. The thing is, I love & care for them enough to put forth the effort to encourage better choices so that they don't end up having to pay so dearly. I'm not saying that I have the power to MAKE them make better choices, but I certainly do have the power to try.
THAT is what I need for my own peace.
Maybe SD is doing this
Maybe SD is doing this because if she didn't, she'd anger BM and be rejected by her again? In her mind, she might think, "if I show any inclination of wanting a relationship with Dad, Mom will reject me again and I don't want that either."
I think the only way SD will improve before she reaches adulthood is for her to get counseling from a professional who is well versed in pas.
That mindset is what I feel
That mindset is what I feel certain is keeping SD so loyal to BM. She has kept her mouth shut through the 6 years this has been going on & we have given BM credit for guilting her into rejecting him.
This is the first time she's voiced ANYthing about it. By no means am I angry with her for speaking up, but I am angry with her for being so quick to dismiss the fact that DH has sacrificed his heart...honestly...to give all 3 of them what they wanted & what he was led to believe they needed.
BM excuses her poor choices by blaming her mother. At what point do you begin holding an indivual accountable for the choices THEY make?
It's hard to know.