You are here

I don't know what to do... I am at my wits end with everyone!

Stest's picture

I started dating my husband about 5 years ago. He was seperated from his wife of almost 25 years. His wife was a narcist with a personality disorder and did a lot of damage to his selfesteem and brainwashing over the years of their marriage. There are so many things that my husband doesn't even realize that he is screwed up from his marriage to her, but I fell in love with him and I chose to marry him. I have paid for her mistakes for years. It finally came to ahead between us last september because the crazy woman took her own life and left her body to be found by her youngest child, her daughter.

Now I have to deal with her ghost and I just can't take it anymore.

This woman the BM was mean and nasty. It started when they first met in college. They had met and moved in and got married within 6 months of meeting each other. My husband was 19. The BM already had been married to her highschool sweet heart and had a child with him. My husband took on the roll of father to this little boy. According to the stories, this little boy was really good, smart and bright. Apparently in all their wisdom, they "planned" to have a second child, which also turned out to be a boy. This second child was hell on wheels and it turned out he had ADD. They put him on medication and the boy turned out to be "really good, smart and bright". The first child, the one that was the "stepkid" to my husband all of sudden became really bad. (According to the story they don't know why) and soon all the focus was put on the first child being "bad" and "always in trouble". The story is that "he was a bad big brother" because he would allow his friends to pick on his little brother, going so far as allowing them to duck tape the boy to a bench and leave him there. The part of the story that is never told is what this little boy did to deserve the haterd of his sibling. The story is only that the oldest did these things and no one as asked the simple question "why"? So as the years go on they decide to have a third child, a girl. When the oldest is 18 years old, the story I am told is that he was so bad that they washed their hands of him, "he sold drugs out the back door of their home", he was kicked out of highschool and they sent him to a last-chance program that he refused to go to and then about one month before his 18th birthday he moved and the two parents threw a grand party to celebrate him being gone. All of this infront of the other children and all of this is perfectly acceptable to my husband to this day.

Shortly after this party, his then wife got a promotion and was required to move halfway across the country with her family. The four of them packed up and sold their home and left, leaving the 18 year old boy in a state with no family because "he was so bad". Meanwhile the second son was doing drugs and failing out of school and had hooked up with another girl with troubles. The second son refused to leave with his family if he couldn't take his girlfriend so they packed up this girl and took her with them here to PA. (This was and still is acceptable parenting to my husband) The girl moves here with them and turns around and goes home. Her family sues him and his then wife on behalf of their daughter because their daughter told them that the second son had raped her. She had a lie detector test and passed it. Both my husband and his then wife, believed their son's innocense but paid the family off. The second son had contacted this girl over the years and would talk badly about her and twist what he was doing so it seemed that this girl was crazy, example: she contacted him and told him she was sorry, but it was him who had contacted her, it was him that wrote her letters and she was responding and in my eyes was probably really confused about the situation. Anyway, in my husband's eyes, even though this girl passed a polygraph test, (which no 16 year old could), he believes his son is innocent and spins the tale that this girl only wanted money. When in truth, I think her parents were afraid of a criminal case that their daughter would have to go through and the fact that it was half way across the country it would make proving the case even harder.

After this the story is that his then wife had started having affairs, she had two or three before he caughter her by hiring a PI. He confronted her and she blamed it on drinking and told him she had a drinking problem. He bought it and still does to some degree today. He stayed in the marriage. He got rid of the booze and there she no longer drank. He caughter her again about a year later with the same man. She used the excuse that it was PTSD. She told him that she had PTSD because her first husband abused her, beat her, raped her and her first son was the product of the rape. (The first son that was "so bad" they left him behind.) My husband believed her and stayed in the marriage. She kept telling him that the affair was over but my husbands gut told him it wasn't . He stayed in the marriage for a total of 5 more years before leaving. He left when he met me. (I will take the blame, however, his wife had been continuing her relationship with her lover for all 5 years and what she was doing was going away with, all over the country, and telling my husband she was on "business trips")

Over the next 2 1/2 years the woman was relentless with bad mouthing my husband in every aspect of her life, work, personal with her family and their kids. She had no friends. No one liked her. She was mean and cruel to everyone and walked around with the attitude that she was smarter and better then everyone and treated everyone that way, including her daughter's bestfriends mom, who was the only friend she did have until she washed her hand of her too. She became a primadonna, alienating herself. She had several different personalities. For the 24 years she was married, she showed my husband a victim, she would go to work, come home and get into bed and use excuses that she didn't feel well, she was tired, her back hurt, any excuse she could find that get his sympathy and have him wait on her hand and foot. With her daughter, she ignored her always giving her the excuse she didn't feel well, or couldn't take time off from work to spend time with her. She had promised her that her graduating year of highschool she would take her to Paris. When it came time she went to Paris with her lover and told her daughter that she was going on business so she couldn't go. (My stepdaughter doesn't know this, she actually believes her mothers lies. We found out she was on vacation in Paris because my husband forgot she was out of town and sent an email to which bounced back the message: "I am away on vacation and will return....") After my husband moved out, she used her daughter the way she used my husband, playing the victim card and making her daughter take care of her.

Now the middle son had moved out when he had gone to college. He met a girl and moved in with her. She graduated before him and started working immediately. He graduated and decided he wanted to be a lawyer and went to graduate school. His father co-signed the loans with the understanding that the son was going to pay the loans because the deal they had with their kids was that they would pay for a 4 year program and any grad school was on them. (which is more then fair, since parents do not have to pay for college). While in school, the middle son doesn't work. He puts in for loans and a small protion that is left over is to pay his rent, meanwhile, his girlfriend works monday through friday. When they can't afford the rent, the middle son goes to his mother to get money. Mom always writes a check. He came to his father once and asked his father for $500 to cover the rent until he received his student loan check. His father told him sure, as long as you pay me back. He paid him back but never asked his father again because he had to pay him back. His mother continued to write $800 checks to the kid and his girlfriend every couple of months and finally sent a spreadsheet of all the money she paid out to this kid to my husband demanding that he pick up half of the costs. My husband refused, (finally good parenting sense) and told her to stop giving him money because it wasn't teaching him to be responsible. She then turned around and told their son, that "daddy wasn't going to take care of his family and responsibilities anymore because he got a new family and she takes up all his money". The middle son got a real chip on his shoulder and started treating his father like an *ss.

We got engaged to get married and decided we wanted to have our children in our wedding. We looked at our marriage as not just about our love for each other but the joining of our families too. His middle son accepted his request of being his bestman. (I told my husband that it was right that he ask this son because he was making a stand over his oldest son, the one he left behind, and furthermore this kid didn't like me and was only accepting because he was put on the spot.) He didn't agree and swore this middle son "was his boy". About two months before we get married the middle son and him get into a huge fight over this grad. loans because he had graduated and not gotten a job and he expected his dad to pay the loans. My husband told him he was off base and reminded him of the deal. The middle son really exploded and told him he was an *ss for stealing his mothers money and he made a deal to pay for education and he needs to step up and stop giving my children and I all of his money. My husband was furious but he felt that he would be alienating his son by not having him in the wedding so he patched things up. (I am not sure what was said, but he did make it clear that he wasn't paying for grad school and that was still on him).

Over the next year, it came to our attention that one of his children told his exwife that I was uneducated and dimwitted. The exwife had sent my husband an email in which she bad mouthed me up and down and wanted me to stay away from her children. I told my husband it was his middle son who said this and that he needs to stop playing these games with his exwife and his children because of the lack of respect I have endured. He refused and told me I was wrong, that his children would "never" say anything like that about me and that his ex was just lying.

Also, during our engagement, about two weeks after, his exwife went out and bought about a $8,000 engagement ring for the middle son to give to his girlfriend! I told my husband that he needs to confront the ex and put his foot down and make sure that ring goes right back to jewlery store. He refused to get involved. Eventually his middle son had told him what his mother had done but that it was a loan to him and he had to pay it back. As I think you have gathered from this information, any "loan" to the middle son was never collected on by his mother so the middle son learned he didn't have to pay it back. There was also the Jeep he drove around in that he was supposed to pay his mother back, take over the car insurance payments, and once again, it never happened.

About a week and a half before our 1 year anniversary the crazy ex kills herself because her daughter went away on vacation with us and her 10 year lover dumped her (for the forty time) to go back to his dying wife. She left her body for her 20 year old daughter to find as a payback for going away with us and having fun with me.

So here we are about a year and a half after her death and I have the most rude, obnoxious stepchildren. My SD and I were pretty close, she actually respected me and use to come to me for all her relationship advice and had told me she wanted to be like me, strong, independant, and free to do what she wanted and take her time to find the right man to marry. She thought I had done a great job raising my kids as a single mom. Now she can't even talk to me. I have to go out of my way to strike up conversations with her only to be met with one word answers or short curt ones because she can't be bothered. (she 22) My SS is obnoxious, rude, opinionated, arrogant and ignorant. He has this chip on his should that he is better and smarter then everyone because in his words, "I have the most education out of everyone in the family". However, this SS hasn't held a job for more then 3 months in the 5 1/2 years I have been with his father. He still doesn't work. (The two children inherited almost a million each and the oldes about $250,000 because the mother disinherited him from all of her insurance, 401k and pension plans, there were a few she had forgotten about and she hadn't signed her will, thank god!) the middle son was executor over the estate and felt the entire time that he knew more then even his father about how to handle the estate and wouldn't listen to reason. He tried to make sure his older brother got less because in his words "that's what my mom wanted, and he deserved it for being mean to my mom".

The boy is pushing 30 years old! He finally married the girlfriend. She never sticks up for herself, and I really don't know how she can't be embarressed by him when he opens his mouth.

From sitting back and watching and not saying a word what I have realized that is happening is when the middle son feels that no one is paying attention to him, he will start spouting out opinions that are very confrontational to try to start a confrontation. The more you ignore him the louder and worse the things that come out of his mouth are. I have tried so many times not to fall into this trap but I am at my wits end. This kids isn't smart. He has got to be one of the dumbest children I have ever met. But because my husband and exwife raised him to think he was smarter then his oldest brother and youger sister he actually believs this. The infuriating thing for me is that my husband believes it too. And if you actually listen to what comes out of this kids mouth you hear how uneducated he really is. He has never held a job! He has it set up that he bought the house his wife and him live in and he feels that his wife should pay all the bill, utilities and so forth, because he bought the house. (He bought the house with mommy's money, not his own). He either sleeps all day, plays video games, smokes a lot of pot, and mixes his music at night, while his wife goes to work monday through friday to pay the bills. She missed the family vacation this summer and the one that is coming up in february because she has to work to pay his bills. I can't keep my mouth shut much longer. At thanksgiving he went out of his way to start a confrontation with me because I posted a rant on facebook that he believes was about him. We all told him it had nothing to do with him and that he wasn't my kid so why would i rant about specifically "my teenager" and he would take it about him. He got mad because his plan didn't work and no one paid attention to him. He started making statements, his opinions, like they were facts and everyone ignored him. He got louder and louder and then decided to attack his sister regarding her dog telling her that what she was doing with her dog wouldn't be what he would do if it was his dog, until she gave into him and did exactly what he wanted.

I CANNOT TAKE IT!

My husband and I fight all the time over this kid. I finally put my foot down with christmas coming up and telling my husband I do not want my child, my parents or I around him anymore so I was going to seperate our christmases. My husband gets mad at me and tells me I am over-reacting because his son has never been disresectful. I said he is disrespectful every time I see him and it has been over 5 years and I am sick of it. I went through examples, gifts = I get a smile and my husband gets a thank you; my birthday, his son's birthday, and his now wifes birthday = checks and cards for them, i get nothing but a smile and my husband gets a thank you (I have never received a birthday card!) For the first year ever, his son bought me a christmas present last year, a electronic cigarette. I said thank you and gave him a big warm hug. I don't know why he would give that to me. My husband was so proud of him and told me it was a really thoughful present, but honestly, no it wasn't. to me that was like buying me a carton of cigarettes for christmas! My SD has given me the best cards and gifts, I have never expected it, she even gives me a card and flowers on mothers day! but not his middle son! no way!

So on thanksgiving, the middle son and his wife show up an hour and a half late for dinner. We ate without them. They didn't call. My husband had to text them to see what was going on. They show up and they do not even apologize for being late. they come in, grub out and start with talking football. We all move into the family room and his middle son sits down and says "Well, Stephanie, can I ask you a question?" (Wow! really? that's not disrespectful?) He follows it up with "that post on your page awhile ago, did that have something to do with me?" I told him no! Why would you think that?" he replied with, "Well, I am 6'1" and I am the most educated out of everyone in the family" Really, that's not disrespectful?

Please tell me what is? I couldn't respond to this because, one I was shocked he would say such a thing and two, my husband jumped in and responded with "your just being paranoid, she was talking about her son and it had nothing to do with you"

A few days later I am on facebook and I go to check out my SS's facebook page and I find out he deleted me for the 50th time from friends list. I say something to my husband, who then grabs his phone and texts him and his wife to ask why he would do such a thing. He waited until the next day to come back with, "she posts to much drama on her facebook page and I am sorry if it hurt her but I don't want to see that". My husband at first was buying into it. I said wait a second, this 30 year old child posts drama on his page all the time, Joe Pa is like my grandfather, he doesn't deserve to be treated this way...." really? I said, you forget it is your kids that post the drama. I never post on my facebook page and the one time I do I am going to be treated like an uneducated dimwitted stepmom! really! and you are allowing this! I am done! done!

Comments

tweetybird74's picture

Well, Stephanie, can I ask you a question?" (Wow! really? that's not disrespectful?)

I do not see how this is disrepectful?

His kids are adults, they do not live in your home, avoid them as much as you can!

Stest's picture

For me when I am confronted with a person who sits down and starts a conversation with "Well, Stephanie, can I ask a question?" with a a drawl on "well, Stephanie" and then a pause to see my reaction. What this type of question and the tone of your voice tells me is this is going to be a confrontation. I paused before answering him because the way it was said backed me up against a wall and my parents, my parents, were sitting next to him and the last thing I wanted was a confrontation in front of them. I do not know of anyone that would start a conversation with those words if they weren't looking for a confrontation. I also feel, that if you come into someones home and start off a conversation looking for a confrontation that in itself is disrespect. Maybe it was the tone of voice which is not something you can write... But talking to someone in their own home with a condescending tone of voice is disrespect in my eyes. I would never talk to someone that way and even when my husband and I need to talk about something one thing I have learned in all my years you never sit down and say "we need to talk", or "I have to ask you a question", it puts whatever you want to accomplish into a confrontational light before anything is brought up.

And how do I avoid them? I try. I am forced to do family vacations with them, how can I tell my husband I am not going on vacation with your kids but I am bringing mine? Thats not fair. Birthdays? Holidays? Its about family and I know that everyone has family that don't like and have had to deal with them regardless of not wanting to be around them. We chaulk it up to its only a few hours so we can set aside our differences and be adults. I always set aside my differences where this kid is concerned it is just becoming increastingly harder to do so because he is actually becoming more direct with his confrontations with me.

oneoffour's picture

OK, step away from Facebook. Stop letting his friendship with you or not impact your life. Consider it your safezone.

Seeing this manchild is such an arse if he let fly with "I am the most educated and 6'1"" diatribe in MY presence I would reply with "whatever rocks your boat."

Due to his rediculously overindulged child/teenhood he is without redemption. He will not get 'better' or improve. So why expect him to do so? Nothing you say will change him. His parents have a lot to answer for. And as your DH is not a dullard or stupid he should shoulder some of the burden for creating this self-entitled waste of space. However he hasn't and won't. So the time has come to disengage from his children. Do not discuss them with him. Make neutral comments like "Oh really. ... Hmmm... Interesting." NOTHING you do will change the situation so instead of winding yourself up in knots step back and away from the mess.

As far as the SD, she is probably mourning the loss of her mother and all the potential resolutions and cure-alls she dreamed about that will now never come true. And after all, you are still alive as a reminder her mother (despite all her faults) is gone. I am sure she expected her mother to one day be the mother she wanted. Now that weill never happen. Just wait. i am sure she will eventually come around.

As for the gifts, expect nothing. not a thing. And in return offer nothing in return. After all, their father should be the gift organiser. or if he asks you to do it, gift cards. Nothing else. If you get a card for any of them make sure is from the 99c rack.

It seems you are twisting yourself in knots to resolve this absolute ultimate dyfunctional mess that not even a year of Dr Phil and Dr Drew playing a tag team could possibly resolve. So step away. Lead your life with minimal toxic involvement. I mean why keep shoving your head into their bucket of crap when you know they will smother you in an instant?

We are only treated the way we allow oursleves to be treated. Detoxify your life.

Stest's picture

I appreciate the advice. I have actually tried to step away, nodding and smiling at him and then excusing myself to go wash dishes or talk to someone else has been my way of dealing with it for the past few years. I think what has made it so much worse for me is that we did a family vacation this summer where I had to spend a week, day in and day out, with him and my long fuse that I have was eaten away at. I had discussed with my husband that my children and I actually go over to my parents when his son is scheduled to come over to exchange gifts so that I remove myself from the toxic situation. My husband was hurt and told me that I was making him choose between the two of us doing so.

As far as facebook is concerned. He is no longer on my friends list because he deleted himself. He took my rant about my 6' son to be about him even though he was told by 3 people, including his father, that it had nothing to do with him and he was paranoid.

Last night when he came at with me the texts he again made my facebook page about him and while the article was about the music he produces it was an article that propped up what he loves to be a great thing. He turned it into an insult. His father is at a loss as to how he would think the article was an insult because it isn't. How he knew about my article was through his own investigation through his wife's facebook account. What I don't understand and my husband doesn't understand is why he is going out of his way to look at my facebook page/posts and make them about him being slighted in some way.

So regarding facebook, when you say step away are you saying not to have a facebook page because it bothers him?

And regarding the gifts, I have my husband handling them and he actually just agreed with me this morning that his children's lists were over the top and that next year they are getting christmas checks. So when you say don't accept gifts from him, do you mean hand them back to him and say no thank you? Isn't that rude? Wouldn't that be stooping to his level?

Stest's picture

So last night everything came to head with the middle son. I acknowledged that I hadn't handled the child in the right way on Thanksgiving and I told my husband that I was going to seperate myself and my children from the situation by going to see my parents when his son came over on Christmas. My husband then turned it around and said that I was making him choose between the two of us. I tried to explain to him for the 45th time that I have had enough of the disrespect which is why I lost it with him on Thanksgiving and couldn't bite my tongue and at the end of the day, he's not my kid and it is his responsibility to stand up for his wife, which he hasn't done. I explained as politely as I could that I personally am done being offended in my home and I am making the choice to remove myself from the negative behavior. I also pointed out that it wouldn't have come to this if he had demanded respect years ago. I demand that children will respect me, if my child put him in this position, which he actually had two and half years ago, I put him and my daughter first and forced my son to take responsibility for his actions. I made the choice. I stood up and said "enough".

So lastnight, I got a text from my middle son accusing me again of taking a shot at him on my facebook page. (He had deleted me from his facebook page so his wife had to allow him access to see my page.) I had posted an article about music and how each generation views the up and coming new type of music and why. This wasn't taking a shot at him. It was actually a compliment to his music. I explained this to him and apologized for insulting him, which I hadn't meant to do. I asked him why he would think that and the response I got was, to quote him: "I don't feel that way. I am grossly offended for the second time in a week you told me electronic music was fake music. You are still too dumb to keep this sh*t off facebook. Seriously. Go f*ck yourself."

He then started texting his father telling him that I said he didn't deserve to be on a stage and because he hasn't worked as hard as the contestants on the show we were watching on Thanksgiving. Of course my husband immediately jumps all over me and I quickly point out that he was in the room when I said "Matt, the contestants on this show have worked hard their entire lives for the chance to be on this show so why do you feel that it is just dumb luck?" I also pointed out that my husband told him "You are only saying these things because you are jealous that they are up there and you are not". I never onece said he didn't deserve to be on a stage. Of course my husband backed down immediately and realized that his son was trying to manipulate the events of that night to get him on his side. His son had also texted his my husband telling him this was the same problem his Mother had with me starting this on facebook. My husband actually jumped to my defense and pointed out to his son that "we" have the emails and the facebook posts that are time stamped to prove that it was his Mother who went after me on facebook and started the drama he was talking about. He also to his son that his Mother was a mean and nasty b*tch and that he is the ONLY one that thinks she was a "god" and he needed to stop before he started something he could never possibly win.

Of course because he insulted me in my house and then through texts to my own phone I still was the bigger person and apoligized again for offending him. He continued to come back with insults telling me that I am "dumb" and that "I have nothting to offer". What is very interesting about these texts are they are directly from an email his Mother sent me, word for word.

So now, this morning I wake up to a text apoligizing for his text about me collecting unemployment. My husband asked me how I felt about the apology and I told him this isn't an apology. I don't care if he looks down on me for getting laid off. It just shows how uneducated he really is when there are a half a million people in our state that are laid off, what I care about is the vulgar language and the disrespect of the texts "I have nothing to offer," and " I am dumb" and "go f*ck yourself". These are words that he can never take back and he isn't apologizing or trying to take them back because this is the way he feels and has felt since the moment he met me. All of our friends and our family have said to you he "instagates" fights with me, he goes above and beyond to offend me to get a reaction and for almost 5 years my reaction has to been to smile at him, nod my head and excuse myself from the conversation and leaving the poor innocent bystander, friend or family member, alone with him because I have refused to acknowledge his contempt for me.

So now what? Well, on Christmas I will be removing my kids and myself from the interactions of family because I will not be insulted any longer. This is his kid. He is who he is because my husband brought him up and now that he is an adult, unless he discovers the mistakes he is making and learns from them on his own, he will not change. I cannot change him. I have tried through my own actions of being the bigger person and walking away and not engaging him but it hasn't worked.

I am sorry that his Mother took her own life. But I am not responsible for that. I have taken the abuse from both of them for it and bottom line, their mother is and was the only one responsible for the choices she made. She didn't take responsibilty, she gave up and that's not my fault. I won't give up on my kids. I am that type of Mom. I love my kids and I try my hardest every day to show them that. I accepted his kids into my family only to be confronted time and time again with contempt by this child. I now have contempt for him because it has festered for so long.

My husband still thinks this is all about him, I have told him that I want to go to marriage counseling so we can get a grasp on what it is we are both feeling and hopefully it will help him see this isn't about him, this is about me and the way I feel due to his son, and hopefully I can understand why my husband thinks this is about him.

Stest's picture

My husband and I found a counselor that we started to see before Christmas. We were both hoping to find some direction in this mess we call a family, to take. We knew Christmas was going to be hard because of his son. The situation had gotten out of hand even worse after I posted here.

My husbands exwife and him owned a Maltese, Mitzi, while they were married. When my husband left his ex, he left the maltese with his ex because he felt the dog was more hers than his and he was trying to be the bigger person and be nice. He pretty much walked away with only a few things from the huge house they had lived in and all of her money and only asked for half of the retirement savings they both had accumulated over their marriage. So he was more than fair with her. After she killed herself we all found out that she had actually started to plan her suicide after the house they had owned together was sold. She had called all of her insurance policy holders and changed the beneficiaries to exclude her oldest son, she had called the car loan company that held the loan on the car her middle son drove and told them to gift the car to him in the event of her death, she started to draw up a will, disinheriting her oldest child and grandchild, she had even done research on her computer on the best ways to kill one's self. All within about 4 to 6 weeks leading up to her suicide. She made an interesting and out of the blue phone call to my husband about 2 weeks before telling him she was thinking about getting rid of Mitzi because she was living in a rental and the dog was supposedly peeing and pooping everywhere but outside, which she told my husband she suspected was just old age. Up to this point, my stepdaughter had actually taken over the full care of the dog because her mother ignored the dog but when my stepdaughter had gone back to college she couldn't take the dog with her due to the no pet rule with the apartment complex at school. So my husband told her that we would take the dog until his daughter graduated if need be. His ex told him she would think about it and let him know. She never did let him know, and she ended her life. At first Mitzi was his daughters dog, she took ownership right away, about a few weeks after the death, her brother asked to have the dog for a week. She let her brother and his wife take the dog for a visitation. At the end of the week she wanted her dog back and her brother and his wife gave her a hard time, accusing of her being negligent and of not taking care of the dog properly. She went over and took her dog and brought her home. Upon inspection of her dog she found that the collar she had bought her dog had been removed and replaced with a collar her brother and wife and bought and had even replaced the ownership name and number on her dog tag. She of course hit the roof and confronted them on trying to take her dog away from her. It was pretty ugly. Finally she gave up trying to take a stand and went back to school with her dog. About 2 to 3 months later she adopted a puppy from a rescue with the hopes of adding to her doggy family. Mitzi didn't do well with the addition and stopped eating. She tried to go out of her way to spend more time with Mitzi however, the puppy ended up getting deathly ill. Because Mitzi was an old lady and had health issues herself the dogs needed to be kept seperated. She came to us in June 2012 and asked us to care for Mitzi until her puppy was better. We said sure. In August 2012 she saw that Mitzi was very happy here with us, she had gained weight and loved having a little kid around that she asked us to keep Mitzi permenately. We asked about her brother, and she told us she didn't care about what he wanted because it was about what was best for Mitzi. We said we would take compelete responsibility including financially for Mitzi. I decided in Septemeber that I wanted to move Mitzi's vet to my dogs vet because it was closer. I asked my stepdaughter if this was okay and she agreed. I had all the files faxed over to the new vet on the very last appointment Mitzi had with her old vet. A new vet appointment wasn't set up because she wasn't due for any shots or exams, she was current. When I had the records faxed over, my vets office told me to have them faxed over with my name on them so they wouldn't get lost and they would make sure her files went under my name. I followed their directions. I never changed Mitzi's collar or dog tag, the name of ownership stayed under my stepdaughter.

So in November 2012 my stepson comes to our home and takes Mitzi away from us. He uses the excuse that he wants a visit with her. He tells me to my face and only to me, he is taking her for three weeks, I respond with a nod and a smile. On the way out the door my husband says to his son, "I will pick Mitzi up on Friday". His son responds with "okay" and leaves with her and her little suitcase that I had picked up for her. We had done visitation with his son several times over the summer, he had kept her a couple of times for about 10 days while we were away.

When my stepson started his fighting with us, Mitzi was under his roof. Since then he has refused to return her to us. He bullied his sister into taking the stand of "work it out between the two of you" and "I guess it's okay if she stays with Matt." My husband tried to get Mitzi back and his son hid behind the excuse, "My Mom wouldn't want Steph to have her dog." When that wasn't good enough, he told my stepdaughter and my husband "Mitzi is allergic to something in your back yard so she can't live with you. We had to take her to the vet because she got scabs after she came home with us. The vet acted like I stole her or something because Steph didn't put my Mom's name on the account or Jess's name. It was like she was saying, ha ha ha, I won your dog too, to my Mom. So she's not going to live with you."

This went on for a couple of weeks and my eight year old daughter kept asking me when she was going to come home. Finally I told my husband that he was the one that was going to break her heart because if it was my son, I would have gone over picked up the dog and told him he had no right to take the dog in the first place because it was NEVER given to him and furthermore how about asking "what is best for Mitzi" and not "what is best for Matt" or "what is best for my Mom". So I made him tell my little girl that the dog she loved wasn't coming back.

Then my stepson decides to pretend that he is sorry and apologizes to his father. I got no apology. He told his father he was going to bring Mitzi on Christmas but that Mitzi had to use pee pads and not be allowed to go outside. His father said absolutely not! So his son told him, Mitzi like to pee and poop on her wee wee pads. His father said, "really? because Mitzi never peed and/or pooped in our house and when she had an accident she put her tail between her legs because she didn't like peeing or pooping in her home, so how is that you believe she would like peeing and pooping in her home now?" Of course the kid didn't have a response.

So Christmas came and he and his wife came over without Mitzi. My husband decided to press the issue and the response we got, infront of his sister, his sisters boyfriend, and his wife, was a cold and callous face and flat unfaltering tone of voice "You can come over to our house to visit Mitzi." Nobody said a word. His sister put her head down and his wife looked away.

So we will never see Mitzi again.

So we are in counseling... My husband is now estranged from his son but his son doesn't even know it. He actually believes his father and him are good. He went so far as to ask his father for his help of taking a tree down in the spring. He thinks everything is okay. Its really sick and scary...