wow.. more sk12 bs.. finally DH sees how much hate this kid has for me..
Another weekend.. more crap each day from sk12..
Every damn day of my life he does something to put our home in a bad mood..
Friday night.. we were going to chill out and all watch a movie.. when I went to see what was available I noticed someone purchased "Scary Movie V".. now I know for a fact it wasn't me.. DH said it wasn't him. And my daughter wouldn't know Scary Movie V from Shrek.. plus she wasn't there when it was purchased. And of course neither sk did it even though we know they like the "Scary Movie" series... whatever - liars!
Sooo.. since a phantom apparently ordered the movie, I called DirecTv to have this 7.00 unauthorized purchase removed from our account.. they informed me that it was purchased at 8:01 on Thursday... and it had yet to be viewed.. interesting. So, I had a password added to the purchase movie feature..
Well, we were going through the movies and the receiver locks up, so we have to unplug it and reboot it.. so I do so and then go upstairs while it's cycling through the reboot to take out my contacts and put on my PJ's..
I come back down to hear sk12 bitching that "she probably turned off the movies" because it was taking a couple minutes for them to come back up.. then he goes on to say to my cat "shut up stupid before I punch you in the face"..
Let me say this right now.. I was level 10 pissed off. Why?
First of all: our cat has cancer and probably won't last another month. His latest growth is near his nasal cavity and this causes him to sneeze a lot. I told sk12 this just a couple days ago when he asked about him sneezing so much. For him to say such a horrible thing to an animal that belongs to me (I had him before I met DH) and my daughter and something we love so much pisses me off.
Second of all: This kid is an animal lover.. won't allow us to smash a spider without flipping out.. he only hates the cat because it is my cat.
Third of all: He also hates my dog.. why? Because she is mine.
So.. I look at sk12 and say "you mean, cruel heartless child... how could you say such a horrible thing to an animal that is dying from cancer".. he replies (in his usual shitty tone) "It's annoying that he is sneezing - it bothers me".. I reply "so that gives you the right to threaten to punch him in the face? Your dog has seizures that last several minutes and sometimes end with him crapping on himself - do I say "stop it stupid before I kick you in the head?".... no I don't."
He has the nerve to act like he's in the right here. I stopped talking - I knew if I did, it was going to get ugly. DH stepped in and sent him to bed for the night..
I was upset.. pissed and hurt at the hate this kid has. I completely broke down in front of DH and sk14.. said I can't take this.. and "do you see the level of hate this kid has for me and anything associated with me?"
DH was hurt too.. he got it. SK14 said "she's right, he hates her"
Great.. it's out there.. now what?
DH thinks I should have a heart to heart with sk12.. I'm not a big fan of this idea. Why? A couple reasons.. one, you can't talk to someone who won't own up to their bullshit. and two, not a day goes by where I'm not pissed at this kid.. so the chances of having a calm conversation with him are slim. Plus he's dishonest and I hate lies..
Then.. Saturday.. DH and I had to go to my daughters soccer game.. then run errands for her birthday party Sunday afternoon.. SK's were told we had these things to do and wanted to stay home.. fine by us, we needed a break.
The game lasted an hour and a half.. then we went shopping. At 5pm, sk12 calls us and begins yelling at DH "where ARE you"..."you have been gone almost 4 hours".. I wanted to laugh.. jealous much? Funny how DH and I never leave them alone more than for a brief trip to the supermarket and their mom is the queen of going out from 8pm till 4am every Saturday she has them (on her every other weekend) - yet he never has a problem with her and her hubby going out, but OH MY GOD.. dad goes out with step mom to run errands and its the end of the world..
DH set him straight and made him look like the jackass he was being..
But wait, there's more.. Sunday rolls around.. we have my daughters birthday party.. she is opening gifts and sk12 is trying to be the center of attention (aka shit on her birthday).. he keeps touching her gifts and moving them around.. she tells him to please stop. he says "stop what".. she replies "touching and moving my gifts".. he gets pissy. She is like "can you please quit - it's my birthday" (not snarky, just kind of pleading with him to not ruin this) he replies "it's not your birthday" (ok, her birthday in the next day but we are celebrating it on a non school day).. she's like "it's my birthday party".. he snarls back "well, it's still NOT YOUR BIRTHDAY." and keeps saying this. Finally DH grabs him by his shirt and says "go up to your room - you are not ruining this".. he tries to make a scene and DH nips it in the bud..
So.. there you have it.. Mr. Hateful...
comments.. thoughts.. advice?
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Comments
Would this even be an issue
Would this even be an issue if she didn't use the word "had"? Because I usually say things like, we had to go to the supermarket, we had to go see my parents, etc. It's not that I HAVE to, but it's the choice of words.
That said, yeah, SK is jealous, but you know what? In life you have to learn to share or you're going to have a shitty time on this planet. What happened to teaching kids how to be understanding and generous?
Instead, now it's they're jealous so it's okay that they act like dicks...
this isn't jealousy... it is
this isn't jealousy... it is hate.
he hates me. anything associated with me.
read my other posts/blogs.
ahhhh.. thank you =) Since
ahhhh.. thank you
Since when does "have" mean I put a gun to his head?
She's my daughter.. uh.. you kinda have to go to your kids games if you are a good parent.. its what you do..
So.. you are saying I should have typed "I'm a good mommy, so I went to my daughters soccer game. I invited DH and he chose to go"... seriously?
We "had" shit to do that day - including attending my daughters soccer game and running errands - they are normal obligations in life.
guess if you say you and you spouse "have" things to do it's now considered a hostage situation
Seriously?????? Did you
Seriously?????? :O
Did you miss where DH has HIS kids FT???? Reading comprehension... it's a good thing!
she does this all the time to
she does this all the time to flame the post. Best if ignored. LOL
Me thinks her inner BM is
Me thinks her inner BM is seeping to the surface. LOL!
He WANTED to go. We are
He WANTED to go.
We are partners. Skids were invited.
We do things together - go to all the kids games TOGETHER
Run Errands for all the kids TOGETHER
Sk12 is ramping up his crap.. it's intensifying.. his hate for me.. this is all getting worse - to the point where it's everything that has anything to do with me..
I agree.. and I have tried
I agree.. and I have tried to get him (and us) help..
Unfortunately, since BM bailed and pays no support for two teenage boys (yet) we are HURTING financially. With insurance, counseling is 70/week and a psychologist is over 100/session.
I know we need it.. but we just can't swing it yet..
Sad but true reality of our economic times..
I have checked into faith
I have checked into faith based counselors since those seem to be the only ones that have sliding scales near me..
one issue is they still cost too much - with our income as a factor it's still 60.00 or more per session - unless we are dishonest and I'm not going to do that.
plus they are faith based "counselors" and we need someone who is not going to take any crap from sk12.. someone who is more along the lines of behavioral psychology or something because I think this kid has deep rooted issues that were in place long before I came along.. I think I am just the catalyst
I don't want to sound harsh
I don't want to sound harsh but could you do without cable or some other luxuries for a few months?
We have no luxuries..
We have no luxuries.. seriously. We have cut back on everything. DirecTv is all we have and that's cut to the minimum. Internet is paid for since DH works from home.
We don't go out to dinner. Don't go out for ice cream. No extras.
"This kind of "hate" is
"This kind of "hate" is unhealthy for the entire family and will ensure a VERY angry adult man going out into society.
"Counseling could only help and the sooner the better."
I do agree on these points. After all, we don't need another Sandy Hook shooter on our hands.
Again, I hear ya.. but look
Again, I hear ya..
but look around and watch the news.. what's the latest talk about all this gun violence.. gun issue? not exactly... mental health issue - yeppers!
People that have legit mental health issues can't get the help they need.
I think ahead 3 years and shudder at the thought of how this kid will be if we don't get him the help he needs..
First off, sorry with what
First off, sorry with what you are going through, My SD22 and I get along very well now but let me tell you, when I came in the picture she was 10 and HATED me. She hated me. I have no idea what happened, thinking she just grew up and realized I was in it for the long hall with DH (we had both SDs full time), anyways, as she got older her and I got closer and now today we are on a parent/friendship level to the point where she tells me everything. We even run 5k's together, I never got into running until her. Anyways I hope that this gets better for you through out time.
The big one I want to say though is I agree, its unbelievable the cost of counseling and mental health treatment. Even when you have insurance it is ridiculous. I know going through what DH and I have been through with SD19 I need therapy. My big thing that is making it hard for me is knowing with my 2 years of health issues that were basically caused by SD19 (long story, read my posts if you feel like it), we owe enough in medical bills and I am an at home mom searching for a job, so one income family. I think this country needs to change its stance on Mental health help.
Needless to say, DH and I decided therapy is a must and I am going to go, I am just going to make sure its a family counselor and not a psychiatrist (already saw one) since there is a huge difference in price. Just going to leave it in Gods hands and figure out how to pay as we go.
SS is there full time. We
SS is there full time. We are with the ss's full time.. 4 hours out of our lives to go run errands for a birthday. 1.5 of that was for my daughter (his step daughter's) game.. and that's too much to ask?
We didn't spend the day with my daughter.. she was with her dad both before and after the game.. we just watched her game together since DH had yet to make it to one..
So, it's ok to drag my daughter to the ss's games when I have her, yet the ss's can choose not to go to her sporting event and throw a fit because her step dad did?
We had the ss's all weekend and not my daughter until late sunday afternoon.. DH was with them all week and weekend..
What? We go to the sk's
What?
We go to the sk's football games every week.. WE - me, my daughter (when we have her- which is every other week) and DH..
The sk's never go to her games.. never ask and could care less.
My daughter has had 4 games and this is the 1st one that DH went to that didn't conflict with him running the sk's to practices and games.
We have sk's FULL time..
We have my daughter 50% shared custody with my ex..
So, no.. this isn't a resenting DH going to her game.. this is resenting DH spending time with me (the object of his hate).
It would seem that DH in this
It would seem that DH in this story has custody of the kids w/ eowe going to BM. Exactly how much time is DH supposed to spend with ONLY his kids? I'm sorry, is this not a 'blended' family? Oh wait, it's only a blended family when it's convenient for it to be! :jawdrop:
OMG..... thank you!!
OMG..... thank you!!
I agree. I'm actually
I agree. I'm actually surprised people are implying that jealousy is a viable reason to act like an ass. It's not, and whether or not they have the kids full time or part time, there's no excuse on earth that makes it okay to treat another human being poorly.
Once you understand where it comes from, that is, it stems from jealousy, how do you address it? You can do two things--either never put the kid into a situation where they're jealous ever again (yeah, like that will make for a kind and compassionate person), or you can teach them that jealousy the feeling is okay, but acting on it in a negative way is not, and this means you need to continue to live life in a way where there will be times where situations will arise that the kid will be jealous.
That is your responsibility as a parent, part time or not. Not center it around the kid and create a person who has little to no coping skills, as coping with jealousy is one of those invaluable skills that will dictate whether the persons relationships are happy or miserable.
Sorry Echo, I was referring
Sorry Echo, I was referring to HRNYC's post. I totally agree it needs to be addressed and counseling is the best answer.
Hate can often be irrational and difficult to overcome on their own, especially since most of the time the don't WANT to let it go.
I think his hatred STEMS from jealousy...
He has no reason to be THAT
He has no reason to be THAT jealous.. DH spends plenty of time with him.
He gets pissy over anything that he sees as "him not getting his"... he even counts the number of presents each person has under the tree at Christmas.. god forbid he gets one less than the others..
bedtimes... oh good lord... 5 minutes extra for someone is enough to send him into a frenzy.
Kid has issues - plain and simple.
Combine that with hate and it's a cause for concern.. and yes, we need therapy..
Echo - I have been around
Echo - I have been around him.. you can never do enough to appease this kid.
Go to the movies, get candy, get popcorn, get soda.. not good enough because it's not jumbo or he has to share..
Go to dave and busters.. get him a game card for 30 bucks.. not good enough, he wants 50.
Have his friends over, build a bonfire, have smores, let them play night tag.. 11pm time to go home... not good enough.
So many more examples.. it's never enough. he wants what he wants how he wants it as long as he wants it and when he wants it..
This is not just a feeling... it's an attitude of entitlement.. and look out if he gets pissed.. "fuck you" "my mom will kick your ass".. meltdown.. crying.. running away.. jumping out of a car at a stoplight..
you bet something is off.. we have tried to be kind and understanding.. we have tried the structure and discipline thing.. we have tried consequences... nothing is working.. he is just upping his game and we are both at the end of our rope.
Sure.. in a perfect world he would be in therapy - but due to all the economic and insurance bullshit, we can't afford it.. and can't cut back any more than we already have.
^^^^This I love^^^^and you
^^^^This I love^^^^and you are sooooooo incredibly right in all you said^^^^^ENTITLEMENT! :jawdrop:
Exactly what I was thinking!
Exactly what I was thinking! You wonder why kids grow up thinking they are entitled to everything they want and should do nothing to earn it.
Thank you... 14 year old
Thank you... 14 year old said nothing..
he was fine and asked about her game when we got home..
Every day of my life is about
Every day of my life is about them.. we have them full time!
I MADE the plans? Uh Nooooooooooope! DH and I did.. and we invited them. They opted out.
Funny how for sk12's bday he had Noooooo issues with me, DH and my daughter going shopping for HIM..
And GOD FORBID DH attend my daughter - who loves him to pieces and has been asking if he is going to come to one of her games - actually attend her game for 1.5 hours this month..
And for the record.. I go just as all out for all kids birthdays.. decorating, getting cool things.. not just for MINE.. I am not selfish. I became a step mom to be all in.. especially since their BM abandoned them..
What? We go to the sk's
What?
We go to the sk's football games every week.. WE - me, my daughter (when we have her- which is every other week) and DH..
The sk's never go to her games.. never ask and could care less.
My daughter has had 4 games and this is the 1st one that DH went to that didn't conflict with him running the sk's to practices and games.
We have sk's FULL time..
We have my daughter 50% shared custody with my ex..
So, no.. this isn't a resenting DH going to her game.. this is resenting DH spending time with me (the object of his hate).
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Does not matter much these days. Seems like now, we all just suck for being a stepmom if you post here. To a few posters you will never do anything right because YOU are the stepmom and not the BM. I hope this trend ends soon!!
Only a couple of the usual
Only a couple of the usual suspects who think that the BMs are always right and the skids are precious snowflake centers of the universe.
Well.. to those BM's that
Well.. to those BM's that think we all suck and can't do a thing right.. uh, first of all "kiss my ass" and second of all "if you raised your damn kids right, maybe there wouldn't be a need for this site"
Exacccctlllyyy... If this was
Exacccctlllyyy...
If this was the only time he gave us this kind of shit, I wouldn't be posting on here.. unfortunately.. this is him.. every day, several times a day.. all the time.
I think this kid needs
I think this kid needs professional help and I hope your DH will get him that ASAP.
But wait Lady!! She is a SM
But wait Lady!! She is a SM so she IS wrong. (sarcasm)
And it is always the SAME posters time after time that bash the SM and twist the whole post. Weird for a STEP PARENT site!
You know I have been thinking
You know I have been thinking that there seem to be A LOT of BM's in SM's clothes lately. LMAO!
WTF is going on? Really? We
WTF is going on?
Really? We have these kids all the time.. oh, and this was BM's weekend to have them but she "was busy".. our 4th weekend in a row with them.. and you mean to tell me sk12 has a right to have an issue with DH and I running errands and going to a game for their step sister...??? Things they were both invited to do, but didn't because sitting on their asses indoors on a gorgeous fall day and playing video games was a better option... and their selfish asses wouldn't dare shop for anyone else.. "it's all about me"
4 hours.. out of a month.. and he has the right to act like this?
So... dear enabler of rotten kids, what's his excuse for threatening to punch a dying cat in the face for sneezing 3 times? Or is that ok too because someone was nice to the cat for 5 seconds and not him?
BULLSHIT.. I call BULLSHIT.
Don't I wish.
Don't I wish.
Can you contact the school
Can you contact the school and see about him seeing a counselor thru the school system?
I don't think so.. I'm just
I don't think so.. I'm just the stepmom
Sorry, but I didn't even make
Sorry, but I didn't even make it past the nasty comment he made to your cat. That kid's ass would be coming out of his mouth if that had been my cat! What an ass.
Yea.. I know, right? He only
Yea.. I know, right?
He only said that because he was pissed and thinking I turned off the pay per view on the direcTV.. and because it's my cat..
Question: After reading
Question: After reading through the posts and making a few comments, are there people on here who are just BM's and NOT step parents? In my opinion this is a step site so only people who deal with step issues should be aloud on it. I share a ton of info on here to get opinions from people who are in my shoes. Now I am a BM and a Step Mom, I was a step mom first. Anyways, just wondering.
My ss, now 15, was always ate
My ss, now 15, was always ate up with jealousy-almost obsessive-about his siblings. He lived with us for many years as well and was treated the same as all the other kids in the house, but was extremely sensitive about any sort of injustice. For example, if he perceived there was an ounce more of food on one of the other kids' plate he'd have a meltdown. We've always been a "make your own breakfast" household from the time the kids were little and I'd have lots of things on hand that they could grab. SS would rush to the kitchen every morning so that he always got first choice of what to eat. But then what would happen, is the other kids would get in there and make something else and he'd decide he'd want what they had because it was better or more or something so he'd throw away his full plate of food and try to make what they had.
If he had to take a shower first, then he would feel as if he were being punished. If I switched it up and had him take his shower last he'd feel as if he was being punished. He would do assingments in grade school that he had to list his 3 wishes,etc and he would put things like "I wish I had no siblings".
At 6, he started "hating" me. No precursor. I had known him since age 1. Just randomly decided he hated me. He has since explained it as he just doesn't want his dad to be married-just wants it to be he and his dad. He has also explained it as saying, "Ive made up so many bad things about you, even though I know they aren't true, I still FEEL as if they are"
He is 15 now and is juvenile detention-essentially for drug related charges. He has lived with us for 4 months out of the last 5.5 years. And they were hellish. Once he really started being verbal and up front about hating me and the other kids, there was just nowhere else to go with that. Even when he wasn't doing something completely horrid, there were simply no good days to be had with someone who you know hates you and takes every opportunity to remind you of that.
Therapy is great-I AM a therapist so I have to say that, LOL! But ss was in lots of individual treatment with absolutely zero benefit. We did a couple of family sessions with him in which the therapist would confront us on all the lies ss had told her. We'd spend the session calmly trying to explain that those things did not occur and that we need to address the real issues,but we could never get past her belief that these things were true or at least held a grain of truth. (I guess she hadn't worked with many antisocial kids).
I fear that YOU would end up a target of the therapist (especially if they are inexperienced). That this would become a session at the very least about you and your ss's relationship-when what really needs to be worked on is your ss's shitful behavior and attitude. Maybe after something like this is begun and progress made, you ALL could start fresh with an unbiased family therapist. By the way I work at a community mental health center-the lowest fee we charge is 15.00. Cant provide anything for free anymore as we'd simply go under. It is based on income, but there are many out there that have sufficient income but such a high debt load that they cant pay the fee, but also don't quality for much assistance. You could also try a school counselor for your ss.
We had him in counseling for
We had him in counseling for a while - about 2 years ago.
He didn't like her - she was "fat and asked too many dumb questions".. *sigh*.. so he would go in there and just sit. It went nowhere an I felt like the lady was just taking our money and doing nothing to crack his shell..
I do fear that if we went to therapy he would try to manipulate.. he can go from hard ass to babbling crying baby in the blink of an eye if he feels it will get him his way..
He does lie about me - and some of them are just unforgiveable.. but for some reason in his sick little head he wants to believe them so there is nothing I can do to change that..
He just believes I am the wicked step mom. plain and simple. he wants me to be the wicked step mom, actually.. I think it makes things easier for him and gives him an excuse to be a jerk.
He needs major help. And I love your term "shitful" behavior. lol.. that's awesome and dead oh how he is..
I hate that our home is like this.. and we can't afford to address it like we need to.
It scares me to think about the future for this kid - he is extremely intelligent and can be very successful... if he would just let go of all the anger and defiance.. sadly, if he doesn't get it together soon, he's just going to be a statistic with an ID number instead of a name.