I found this site after moving in with my BF and officially beginning a life with him and his 10 yo daughter. I have no kids.

His daughter is actually pretty well-behaved and we get along, so after reading some things on this site I consider myself lucky. I do have some of the usual problems (daughter has no chores, eats special meals prepared by her dad because she doesn't eat 'adult food', etc.).

Mr. Kate and I get along just fine most of the time, but we moved pretty quickly in the relationship and now I think I'm paying the price for not having some necessary discussions regarding his daughter before moving in together. I came here because I think I'll need some support/suggestions/critiques as I bring these topics up to him after the fact:

1. My Responsibilities For His Daughter. I've already told him that I don't prepare separate meals for picky kids. His responsibility if she won't eat what I've made. I've told him I'm not taking his daughter to activities unless he's in the car too (he doesn't have a license). I'm not his transportation service. However, I'm wondering if I'm being unreasonable in not wanting to be around her unless he is there at all. If he's at work, her BM (who I actually don't have a problem with thus far) lives 2-3 miles down the street; grandparents live in the same city. Though he is headed toward marriage with this relationship, we are not married yet. Although Mr. Kate is not custodial parent, we have his daughter every weekend and whenever she wants to come over during the week (2-3 nights a week). I have a full-time job and am resentful that BM gets all of her weekends free and I have to awkwardly make up some engagement/activity to get out of watching her daughter (I haven't actually watched her that often). Speaking of not having time to myself...

2. Time With Him. Like I said, his daughter comes over every weekend and 2/3 nights a week. I'm really not sure how much to ask of him in this department, because I think his daughter should be allowed to spend time with her dad if she wants, but at the moment, I feel as if I get the left-over hours that no one wants-the Monday nights when he stays awake just long enough to eat and pass out for the night. To make matters worse, I'll admit that he should spend more time with his daughter, too, and I'm afraid he just doesn't have the energy for both of us. When his daughter is over, he might go to sleep or do work in the yard (leaving her to bug me all day).

3. Money. Since he (and I?) is/are looking toward marriage, he thinks we should unite our finances now. He makes a little more than I do, but after child support, its about the same. At the moment he pays rent and I do utilities, groceries, cable, and other various things. He has made some larger purchases (he lived in an apartment before we moved in together) like a lawn mower (I did the smaller stuff-large trash can, dish drying rack, etc) so I'm waiting for things to settle down before hammering out details, but I'm unsure if I should be responsible for even half of the total bills, as his daughter basically lives with us. At the moment I feel as if I'm paying slightly more per month than he. He's terrible with money, by the way.

I guess thats enough for now. This is my first relationship, so maybe I'm just being too whiny about some things.