How far away do you live from skids? How does it work?
So right now, we are about half an hour from bm. We get the kids every other weekend and one overnight during the week. She will be moving about an hour away from us and we want to move to a different area as well. We really don't like the area she is moving to and the one we like is about 45 min-an hour away from where she will be living. I really like my skids and want them to keep a good relationship with their father and half siblings (they are 9 now).
So, those of you that live that far away, is it easy to keep a close relationship/keep up with sports and activities etc? I would move to bm town if I had to but dh doesn't really want to live by bm. I know an hour doesn't seem too long, but I worry as the kids get older, they won't want to visit because of friends and activities in bm town. I would hate it if visiting became a chore to them.
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My SD lives 10feet from me.
My SD lives 10feet from me. It works because I drink wine.
Ha! Yeah I don't think we
Ha! Yeah I don't think we would get along as well if they were here full time! I am lucky to have nice skids who like me and love their little siblings.....for now
Within 10 minutes, makes it
Within 10 minutes, makes it easier to be active in local schools, sporting clubs, also helps with the normality of having two houses, friends are within reach, they can still ride to school etc. We're strong on being part of their community as much as they are ours.
My exH lives on the other side of the country, bottom line is its a convenient out for many things, and really I think they lose touch of whats happening in the kids lives because they simply can't be actively involved.
Havjng said that SS's BM has a BF that lives 45+ minutes away, we're mindful of her moving but would challenge it if we had too. We have the boys every weekend, they're firmly entrenched where we are with school, sport etc.
Yeah we can't challenge her
Yeah we can't challenge her move at all. She's within her rights according to the divorce agreement. We just don't like the community she's moving to. It's in the middle of nowhere and has no easy access to highways. My job is 45 min away and dh's would be an hour away. As much as we want to be around them, by the time we could buy a new house, they would only have 5-6 years left until college and we would be stuck in that community for a lot longer.
Less than a 1/4 mile !! It
Less than a 1/4 mile !!
It wasn't bad nor was it good. SD would come over everyday after school till douche would pick her up on the way home. 10 days on n 4 days off.
Until douche decided to move to the connecting state n leave behind Veruca for the remainder of the school year. At that point in time DF was estranged from SD ~ so douche thought it was acceptable that Veruca live with her teenage bf in his house w the parents. I must live in la la land to let that be acceptable. I think Santa just dropped me of fat the island of misfit toys. Wtf ???
Well your DF obviously
Well your DF obviously condoned it by not stepping up to the plate himself. There's a saying I'm quite fond of ... No one has the right to mourn the loss of a thing they tossed away.
It's my fault too ~ DF saw it
It's my fault too ~ DF saw it all himself but somehow it's my fault.
Yeah, we would have to do all
Yeah, we would have to do all the driving and extra for games or activities. We go to everything that we can and have 2 very young children so it's a lot of time in the car for them too.
Ok theres two ways of looking
Ok theres two ways of looking at it. One on side yes it is likely that as they grow older they will want to spend their free time with their friends rather than visiting dad. Thats normal, in intact families kids/teens want to spend more time with friends and less time with parents. If you are an hour away it might be that they really dont want to come.
BUT on the otherside of that, an hour away might be just far enough, its out of the local area so theres little risk of bumping into their mates whilst with you so you might find they stay interested in having time with their dad for a little longer.
You cant really gauge that just yet.
I know in my personal experience, between the ages of 5 and 14 my BM lived 15 minutes away from my dad, she lived city side, my dad was country side so it was just far enough that I couldnt see my friends so easily but close enough that we often bumped into the other during general day to day life, if outside of that immediate area. Once I was 14 my BM moved 200 miles away, so I would travel to see her 2 or 3 times a year and she would come back roughly the same amount, the time I saw her didnt really shorten as in the years prior I had not gone regularly. But once she moved away I was able to actually have a proper functional relationship with her.
At present, the BM lives around the corner from us, literally the end of our street is a long main road, she lives just up it, just far enough that its out of sight but close enough that I drive past it everyday I go to work. Funny thing is we never see her, we have only bumped into BM twice during our time with SD and both times were in the same place, nowhere near our homes. For us, SD is stb4 so shes still too young to go anywhere alone. But yes it is a little too close, we want to move, not because being this close gives us problems with BM now, but more we'd just like a little bit more distance.
they live with us. before
they live with us. before tho', we lived 30+ minutes away. which really sucked cuz we did all the games and practices and stuff, and had them 3-4 days at a time to sometimes dh would have to do the drives to school (well over an hour).
10 minutes would have been perfect.
We live about 45 mins from
We live about 45 mins from SS. He comes over every weekend. My husband does ALL the driving (except in extenuating circumstances where BM/BMs family are in our area already, usually in the summer time). It's a pain. As far as activities go, SS is 6 so our only activity right now is swimming lessons which are every Saturday near us (we signed him up & paid for them). I do often wonder how the situation is going to change as SS gets older and gets involved in more activities/wants to spend time with friends.
8 hours away. It's awesome.
8 hours away.
It's awesome. It works...awesome.
An hour & we have them
An hour & we have them 50/50..