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The last weekend is over!

squeegie_beckenheimer's picture

Only 2 more full days after today & SD8 goes back to BM's. Of course, the downside of this is SD8 spending an entire month with BM. Lots of time for BM to continue her pummeling of PAS. But oh well...BM's been doing this during SD8's month with us, so why does it really matter anymore?

It has been a LONG couple of days! BM called Thursday night & did her usual bragging about what they'd be doing in August & for SD8's birthday. SD8's behavior did a 180 after the phone call...nothing new. I asked my husband to ignore BM's calls for the weekend so we could enjoy SD8's party on Sunday. I also asked him to limit SD8's computer usage because she's emailing & chatting with BM while she's on.

So what happens Friday night? After dinner, SD8 does her usual sit & stare at us rather than finding something to do. So since she can't find anything to do, my husband tells her to clean off her desk, since she'd have to clean her room this weekend anyway. SD8 goes downstairs & cleans her entire room. Wonderful, yes, but this meant that SD8 now had NOTHING to do. So she asks if she can go on the computer. My husband, being so shocked & impressed that she cleaned her whole room so fast, says yes. Then the phone rings from an unknown number. My husband answers it. Luckily it was a telemarketer, but I was pissed. What if it had been BM? Did he not just agree the night before to not answering the phone if it might be her? Did he not agree with me that SD8 needed to stay off the computer? I was mad & told him so. I cried. He didn't understand why I was so upset. So I tried to explain it. How much work I'm doing for this stupid party & by letting BM get her hold on SD8, it's like I'm doing it for nothing.

Saturday was spent cleaning & preparing for the party. SD8 drove me insane all day. I have never seen a kid who would rather sit & stare at adults than play, read, watch a movie, play video games, etc. She always wants to "help" but then when you give her a job to do, she's bored with it in less than 10 minutes. My husband & I both tried to give her work to help with, but it never lasted long. So we'd tell her to go find something else to do then. And she would -- for about 15 minutes. Arg. At one point, when we asked her to find something to do, she stared at us blankly & then asked to call BM. My husband told her no, that she had just talked to her, but said that she could call BM Sunday night. But it was like that all day...she can't entertain herself. If you tell her to find something to do & even give suggestions, she stares blankly at you & acts like you're punishing her. She almost cries sometimes. When I had enough of it, I flat out told her that if she couldn't find something to do, I was going to pick out a book for her & she would have to read it & do a book report on it. lol. SD8 did not like that idea!

Sunday went pretty well. No kids showed up for the party (big shocker there), but my family came over & SD8 had a good time. She LOVED her presents, so that made me feel good since I'm the one that picked them out! She had asked for slippers & a watch (exciting presents, I know!), so I got her those. (And let me tell you, finding slippers this time of the year is tough! Everything is Hannah Montana or Princesses of some sort & SD8 isn't into that kind of stuff, so I got her a pair of small women's plain black ballet-like slippers. And she LOVES them!) I also got her, among other small things, a glow-in-the-dark solar system that you hang from the ceiling & a moon that hangs on the wall that copies the phase of the moon outside (or you can change it into whatever you want). Wasn't sure how much she'd like them, but I thought they were cool, and she ended up being thrilled with those. They were her favorite presents, she said. So that was good. Smile

SD8 didn't even ask to call BM after the party. She was too excited about her presents. There was no mention of BM's "awesome" present, either, so that was nice. And when BM called last night, SD8 bragged about her cool presents, but BM kept interrupting. BM dominated the 15 minute conversation, with poor SD8 saying half-heartedly "oh, cool" every few minutes. SD8 was really grumpy after talking with BM. Sometimes I really feel bad for SD8. BM has to have the spotlight on her.


Sia's picture

I'm glad you had a good time at the party and that it went well! Eventually, sd will realize who is really doing things for her and who is full of hot air!

PnutButta's picture

Sounds like everything worked out, but I had to laugh about your SD just sitting and staring at you all day...

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on." ~Robert Frost

squeegie_beckenheimer's picture

You'd think I was making this up, but I'm not! I need to hide a video camera so people can see this. She will sit there & stare at you until you acknowledge her. And then once we acknowledge her, it becomes your job to entertain her. It's not like we ignore this kid or don't do things with her. She wants attention 24/7. It's really sad because she resorts to this rather than finding something fun to do on her own. She has a bedroom full of toys, games, activities, arts & crafts, books, DVDs, video games, etc. And this is what she chooses to do! Very weird!

PnutButta's picture

It would drive me nuts....LOL!

Isn't there a song "I always feel like, somebody's watching me.." ??

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on." ~Robert Frost

brutallyhonest's picture

I totally get you on the sit and stare thing. It just blew me away that she would rather sit and stare than play with her toys, read a book, go outside, play with a friend. In fact for a very long time I wondered if she was a little bit dinged. She had to be constantly entertained by an adult. BF would have to do everything with her. Watch her play the video game (She didn't want BF to play, just watch) ect. Drove me nuts. I got to the point where I refused to entertain her. We couldn't get anything done all weekend because SD could not entertain herself for more than 30 second. I wasn't trying to be mean, but I had to just ignore her or go insane. I secretly timed how long she would sit and stare thinking I could some day apply to the guiness book of world records. She is now 16 and still has this problem.

I thought it was just SD until I found a lot of other people on ST that also experienced this with their SKs.

My theory is that SK who are subject to guilt parenting don't learn how to self-entertain. They think that adults entertain them and cater to them. Like this is the sole reason adults have to exist. They think that every moment of every day should be filled with a fun, expensive activity becasue that's what the guilty parent provides. Consequently they never develop self-entertaining skills, imagination skills or social skills. Then they become weird, poor developed and badly adjusted teens and adults. Unless of course a good SM or SF come into the picture and help the bio-parents break out of the guilt parenting cycle.

Maybe some day I'll get a PhD and publish my theory.

squeegie_beckenheimer's picture

Freaky that you've been through the same thing! And others, too?! I can't believe it because I find it so bizarre. When I was a kid, the last thing in the world I would do if I was "bored" would be sit & stare at adults! My mom would have put me to work so fast...

Anyway, I agree with your theory 150%!!! This is exactly what I was thinking. My husband & BM have been apart since SD8 was 2. My husband has tried his best to get SD8 to do things on her own, but it seems like the older she gets, the worse it gets. BM, on the other hand, does exactly what you described. SD8 spends every waking moment being dragged here & there, always around other people, going on trips, visiting this person & that person. There's very little time for SD8 to ever be ALONE. And SD8 is so rarely at BM's house that she probably forgets what her bedroom even looks like there. They are always on the go & around people. This is why SD8 acts this way...because with us, we're home a lot & SD8 has no clue what to do to keep herself busy. A lot of weekends she asks us if we're doing anything fun or going anywhere special. We try to remind her that by us staying home a lot, we were able to save up enough money to buy our house, but she's only 8 & the fun, flashy stuff outshines the practical.

bioandstep2009's picture

Glad to hear that your SD was happy with her party & presents. Why is it that the BM has to try to "one up" you guys? I know we deal with the same crap from our BM. It seems rather petty.