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Shocked......confirmed male factor infertility & possible paternity fraud!!!

Sootica's picture

Long story short I don't post much on here but get a lot of strength from reading other people's posts on here. DH & I have been ttc for a while now & since nothing transpired month after month we decided to go see our Dr. I was convinced the problem is with me as I am 35 years old, have no kids whilst DH has an 11 year old son from a previous relationship ( conceived "accidentally" whilst BM was on the pill).

Anyway after months of tests ect it's been confirmed that all is in working order with me......not so with DH. He has been diagnosed with male factor infertility.... very low sperm count due to a hernia op in childhood - Dr mentioned old scar tissue,we have been told ICSI is probably our only chance of having a baby.

I am devastated but to add to the stress of it all we are now faced with the very real possibility ss may not be DH's! BM & DH broke up due to her numerous affairs, added to that the fact that DH is almost infertile not really sure what to think or feel right now.

Sorry for ranting but have no one else to vent to!


Sootica's picture

Thank-you so much for responding & your kind words.I just can't stop crying, feel like someone has ripped my heart out.Empty & raw is the only way to describe it. Can't imagine what DH must feel like. I feel so sorry for ss too if its true because our home is the only place he has some stability & order, BM's household is a reflection of her life a right mess!

Sootica's picture

We haven't discussed the DNA testing or anything as yet as I think we are both still trying to come to terms with being told our chances of conceiving naturally are almost non existent - Dr appointment was only earlier today.I do agree about the health history though & personally would hate it if I lived my whole life thinking my parent was my parent only to find out they were not & that I had been lied to my whole life but at the same time what chance does ss have if left solely in BM's evil clutches?! I am so torn & confused right now.

Anon2009's picture

Wow, I'm so sorry.

What does dh think about this? Has he said anything about the possibility that ss isn't his?

oneoffour's picture

Although .. I had a friend whose husband had absolutely negligible sperm. As she put it "If they all got in one place they could form a quartet". But then Super Stork struck and bang bang bang bang... she had one baby a year for 4 years. Unfreaking believable!

Now I know she didn't cheat on him or have 'assistance' as she was very open about it all. Not to mention being an extremely strong Catholic and adored her husband. Stranger things have happened. But still if he wants to find out he should.

Bossladee's picture

So sorry that you and your DH are going through a difficult time... It may be harder and take longer, but have hope that you will be able to have your family one day!

z3girl's picture


My DH also has a very low sperm count. We were told by one dr that we have a less than 3% of ever conceiving even if I am 100% fertile. We went to multiple specialists, and eventually had ICSI overseas (much cheaper). Amazingly, both of our sons were conceived naturally, and they are both DH's, so it can still happen. Don't despair that you can't have children. It only takes one. (We tried for over 4 years, but I do firmly believe the medications taken for ICSI helped jump start my system.)

As stated in a previous post today, however, if your DH has been in his child's life for 11 years, even if he is not biologically the father, the bond is there. I would never suggest to my DH that SD22 is not his. If it occurred to me she might not be his, I'm sure he's thought it too.

Sootica's picture

Those of you who managed to conceive after being told otherwise really give me hope.DH hasn't said much & has been very quiet since the appointment yesterday.Also here in the UK fertility treatment is a bit of a postcode lottery.In our area we wouldn't qualify for treatment on the NHS because we are seen as "already having 1 child" :jawdrop: - that would be ss! I actually had to restrain myself from punching the Dr yesterday when he told me this! Talk about adding salt to the wound besides struggling to conceive am not entitled to any assistance as I am suppose to be happy to have a skid & that should be enough????Besides the hurt & upset am also feeling a lot of anger right now.