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worried, tired, stressed out and pissed off

Smellissa's picture

About two months ago, my mom finally decided to see a doctor about some female problems she'd been having. Turns out, she has cancer. It's an aggressive form of cervical cancer.

Around the same time, my oldest sister saw her doctor about her recently bad periods. He sent her to the same gyno Mom saw, referring her for an eblasion. They found both cancerous and precancerous cells.

They scheduled both my mom and my sister for hysterectomies, which happened this past week. My other sister and stepdad both joined them at the hospital Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.

Well, Mom owns her own 24/7 company. My oldest sister is her secretary. Since Mom, my two sisters, and my stepdad were all gone, I became the secretary for part of the week.

My normal day starts at 5 am, waking the SDs up for school. I usually get a nap after they leave, then do chores, get them off the bus, do homework with them, more chores, make dinner with SD12, and start moving the kids towards bedtime. Then, sometime between 9 and 10, I go to sleep myself. (I take a powerful tranquilizer for Bipolar Disorder, so I sleep a lot. I wish I could skip it or downgrade to a lower dose, but without it, I have a rage.)

Lately, Hubby has had two kinds of normal day. Some days, he crawls out of bed at noon and calls his boss, Boss gets here sometime between one and three, and they leave for hours, with Hubby coming home after I go to bed, and never getting paid. (He says he's doing mechanic work on his work truck, but he's made less then $100 a week for the last month.) His other type of normal day consists of him telling me he's sick (either with gout, or a flare up of IBF) and staying in bed, watching tv, and yelling for SDs to bring him food.

Well, you'd think that Hubby would of helped me out this week. Maybe he could of woken SDs up, or got them off the bus. Possibly he could of made dinner, washed a dish, or SOMETHING.

But NO! Wednesday, and Thursday my days went like this : woke up at 5 am, woke up my SDs, made breakfast, then sent them off to school. Someone from my Mom's company picked me up at 8 or 8, and I went there, to do the work of two people, until 230, when one of the guys picked up SDs. From then on, I was both office manager and Mom. I answered phones, dispatched trucks, helped with hhomework, and made dinner for eight or nine people (myself, SDs and drivers), and cleaned house (Mom's). At 5, I realized I forgot my tranquilizers, and at 10, someone would run SDs and iI home.

We don't have a car, so Wednesday night, the driver ran me to the grocery store. Thursday, I called Hubby at 8, to find out he was already home, but didn't think to pick the kids up, on his way. Since the business was busy, they stayed until I got a ride.

Each night, I asked Hubby to wake the girls up the next morning. Hubby didn't manage it once. Knowing how Hubby is, I set five alarms to wake myself up. Sad

On Friday, I woke up at 5, yelled for SDs to wake up, and passed the hell out. I know that because it woke Hubby and the SDs up. Then they all went back to sleep. At 7, I woke up, realized SDs weren't on their way to school. FML!

I called my brother, asking him to take them to school, but he was so tired, he couldn't understand me. (Brother worked with me until 7, then went to the Hospital to be with Mom and Sister!) Sd12, then had her monthly preperiod meltdown.

I called the girls off school. Then SD14 and I went to Mom's. SD12 stayed home with Hubby.

Well, around noon, I called Hubby to tell him to tell him Boss needs to drop SD12 off on their way to work. Hubby said he was having an IBF flare up, and he wasn't working. I kind of lost it.

The shifter went out in my mom's car yesterday. They have three trucks that Hubby can do maintenance on. They have LOTS of work that Hubby could be doing FOR PAY!

Hubby came to mom's and got to work. He'd have to go right past me to use the bathroom. He never once did.

Lazy ass! I'm TIRED! I'm a damn single mom, with no children!

The truth is, I have legal custody of these kids WITH THEIR DAD, but I'd expect him to care at least as much as I do. The truth is, I'm the only parent that cares.

I do homework with them. I buy their food, cook their food and serve their food. I schedule their doctor's appointments, transit to get there, and get them there.

I'm just tired and whiny today. Hubby is working at mom's, at least. Hopefully, he'll put some money towards the house!


Smellissa's picture

You would think so, at least. I'm not sure WHY they didn't get up Friday, but it pisses me off. I'm even more pissed off at Hubby, though. He knew he was needed, but didn't give a damn. It's so much easier to leave it all on my shoulders!

bulletproof's picture

I just want to say I'm so sorry about your mom and sister. I can't imagine going through that! I hope that everything starts looking up for you, and honestly, I think it will! Smile

Smellissa's picture

Thank you, Bulletproof! I honestly believe my mom and sister are recovering ~ feels so much better then waiting!

twoviewpoints's picture

Oh, wow. You've got your hand full and a pile of stress on top of it. Please leave some time to take care of yourself too. How about a good talk with the SD's about how everybody must pitch in when families hit times of need. They are indeed old enough to help you out some but especially right now. Let them know how much you need them to help and how things change a bit from routine when family emergencies come up.

Put an alarm in their bedroom. Let them know it's milk and cereal for breakfast for now and that then they need to do the ready for school routine. Remind them how grown up they're getting and how proud you are for them chipping in like helping you fix dinner. Simply let them know you need them to step-up right now.

You've come through for these kids, now give them the chance to come through for you. It's what families do. Your Dh (shaking head) he needs yanked outta that bed by his big toe.

Hugs to you, Mellissa, and prayers for your mom and sister.

Smellissa's picture

Twoviewpoints, the girls slept through FOUR alarms, and me waking them up! They sometimes do get cold cereal, and i bought ththem three different kinds of cereal last weekend. I think it's just a case of everyone being lazy and wanting me to handle it all.

Samantha73's picture

I think your dh needs to be putting in the time to help you out..especially since those arent your kids alone....that man that man.....

Smellissa's picture

Samantha, it's amazing to me that he doesn't WANT to help out. It makes me look at him as less then a man!

Samantha73's picture

I would be too....So what's the problem in helping take care of have so much on your mind dont have time for a incompetent man.

Smellissa's picture

Hubby has always been a little selfish, and really lazy.

Before we got custody, I didn't fight much for help on the house or bills, because I didn't care as much. If the house was dirty, it was dirty ~ no big deal. If he didn't have his share of the bills, my family would help us out.

Now, we have four people, three dogs, two cats, and a turtle in a tiny two bedroom, singlewide trailer. If dishes aren't washed, there's nothing to eat off of. Small messes grow to big messes before you can blink. If the bills don't get paid, I don't go to Mom ~ it's my responsibility.. I want the girls to see us being responsible.

So, I guess I'm the one who changed. But one thing that's changed is the way I feel about Hubby. I have so much to do, taking care of the kids ~ I can't keep raising Hubby, to.

JustAgirl42's picture

When you forget something as important as taking your medications, that's an indicator that you have too much on your plate.

Those girls MUST be made to help you out. Something is wrong with your husband for leaving everything up to you.

I'm very sorry about your mom and sister.

Smellissa's picture

Justagirl, the problem is that I have to take them every evening at 5, but would forget the pills at home when I left in the morning. Sad

The girls definitely need to figure out how to get themselves up in the morning. Hubby needs to figure out how to be a man, husband and father!