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Remember when I said SD21 would likely get pregnant?

Shieldmaiden's picture

So, I must be psychic, because I remember saying that I was afraid the next move up SD21's dirty sleeve would be her getting pregnant. Well, it happened. 

She accidentally let it slip when explaining why her boyfriend wasn't at work when DH stopped by to say hi. She found out she was pregnant and got an abortion. Her BF had to miss work to stay with her after.  Worse, BM, SD17, SD19 and pretty much the entire BM family knew about this, but no one told DH. DH hates secrets and he loves grandkids, so you do the math on how hurt he is.

I tried to gently tell DH that although its understandably a loss, and that grieving the loss is normal - that SD21 may have actually made the best decision possible in a bad situation. SD21 is all about the now. She does drugs, parties, has promiscuous sex,  eats junk food all day, doesn't clean her apartment, adopts cats willy-nilly and then gives them away when the poop on everthing because she doesn't take care of them..... She knows she would be a terrible parent. I actually support this decision, but I had to hold my tongue because DH was ready to kill BM for not telling him.

I am breathing a sigh of relief that I dodged that bullet. DH says he is going to have a talk with BM and all his daughters about the ills of keeping secrets from your family. 

SD21 is always creating drama. Always.

 

Comments

CLove's picture

Not because of a religious viewpoint. Probably because I have no bios of my own and have always wanted one.

But I understand this child would not have a good existence, and Husbands sister is raising a child with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and its very sad to watch.

I also understand that DH is upset about being out of the loop but ultimately its up to SD and what she wants people to know about whats going on with her body.

Shieldmaiden's picture

Yes. I agree. I told DH this but its a touchy subject because I know he doesn't believe in abortion in any situation,  but I am very much pro-choice. We agree not to discuss this subject because we are both very passionate about our beliefs. Part of why he feels so strongly is that BM tried to abort SD21 when she found out she was pregnant. DH stopped her until they could talk it out, because she was mentally unstable at the time and tended to make very rash decisions depending on her mood.  They decided to keep the child and that same child just did the same thing to her own child. To him, this is unforgiveable. 

To me, its a smart, yet sad decision that could have been avoided had she been more cognizant of birth control. (She never thinks about consequences until its too late. ) 

I don't want this to become a debate about abortion. That is up to the woman to decide, in my opinion.  However, I think its obvious that if SD21 decided to keep the child, that it would end up being adopted by DH - and I would have to leave him. There would be no convincing him to let the child be adopted out. I am also pretty sure, based on SD's lack of willpower, that she would take one look at that cute cat-substitute (ie: baby) and want to adopt it. Then a month later she would be leaving it on our doorstep while she got high. 

There's really no happy outcome to this. 

CLove's picture

Its a VERY hot topic. I also agree with you on the choice part. And thirdly agree that its a very sad decision.

If Sd knew your Dhs stance on things, thats probably why she didnt tell him...avoiding the consequences of his judgements, his being upset and all the other emotional fallout. For example, its always Toxic Troll BM and Skids against Husband. Hes always the bad guy and they bond over having their "secrets" from him, because he will get "mad". They bond over the secrets.

shamds's picture

Abortion as her primary form of birth control, she's gonna learn eventually that with every d&c/abortion, presents a greater risk to future fertility and pregnancies. End if the day, sd is an adult, sometimes tough love and letting her make the reckless decisions is the only way to go. 

JRI's picture

Tell DH to discuss birth control before stsrting in about secrets.  My DH didn't do well with this topic, me, either.  But I wish we had.

Shieldmaiden's picture

Good point. I don't think he ever had that talk with the kids, but their school had health class that covered it. Also, I always stressed the importance of birth control if you don't want to get pregnant. Not that the skids listened to ME.

justmakingthebest's picture

I can't even imagine just nonchalantly throwing out to my dad that I had an abortion. I am even pro-choice! 

 

Shieldmaiden's picture

Me neither! She doesn't really think ahead, or consider anyone else's feelings.... so... that is normal for her.

Kloewent's picture

Seems like something that you would keep to yourself unless you were trying to provoke your anti choice father. 

thinkthrice's picture

Should probably have her tubes tied.   The irresponsibility knows no bounds.

notarelative's picture

She's 21. It might be hard to find someone to do it. My friend's daughter was 28 with 5 kids. It took multiple attempts to find a doctor who would perform the tubal ligation. They kept saying she was young and might change her mind.

SteppedOut's picture

Hopefully this isn't one of many. An ooops is one thing (I am pro-life) but the 3, 4 + club are nothing short of disgusting. 

Shieldmaiden's picture

Agreed. SD21 is a disgusting person anyway. 

Elea's picture

That's nuts. It sounds like a lot of potential pain and suffering was averted. I am happy you don't have to deal with an unplanned, unwanted (by SD) SGK. 

BM is very prudish about the female reproductive system so no idea if she told SD's what they need to know about birth control but both SD's went to college and so I assume they have it figured out by now.