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"Family Trip"

Scorpiomum1111's picture

So we are leaving tomorrow on a family trip and SD is coming with knowing she has not stayed at our house for over a few months. We have her every other weekend and if you have read my past post she has been wanting to stay at other peoples house instead of ours. Now that we are going out of town she wants to be a part of the family. I really pisses me off how my Husband allows her to do what ever she wants. He givers her that option to come and go when she please and I asked him about it today. He stated well her actions has consequence and if she does not want to be a part of this family and try to use me as a pay check then that is on her. He stated he sees her games but still takes her shopping and is talking about taking her white water rafting but had not made the reservations because he was not sure if she was going. Then why even attempt to make them. We were suppose to have her all last week but since we did not have a lot going on she never came over. She also stated last night that she was going to a the pool with a friend and would be over afterwards to pack her bags. Like really. So many times I have asked her to come to the pool with us and she declined. I had to go to the store and get snacks for the trip and ended up not even asking what she needed. I guess if she is hungry then she can pay for her own snacks with her own money. 

I also made the comment if he could talk to her about not being on her phone as much on this trip and he stated that he sees what she does and if social media is more important then us then she will be missing out on a lot of things. I will not be taking her shoping, etc... That is a lie. He will. He mentioned me taking her out shopping or doing dinner but since I have an 8 month old I do not plan on going out as much and if she does not like that fact we will be haning out at the pool there then she can go find something to do I guess. I really wish she was not coming on this trip. She is so disrepectiful and I can not stand being around her anymore because of how she hurts her dad. But then again he allows that. I also do not understand why he allows it. Why he just does not say well if you do not want to do things here at the house as a family then why go on a vacay? I hope I have the strenth this week to be nice and not negitive and not allow her to ruine my first vacay with my son. 

She is 16 years old and honestly can not wait till she is 18. I really hope he stands by his word and does not do all the things she wants from him like getting a car or a grade party they she acts toward him, towards us. She missed out so much on my son's milestones  and will state how she misses him yet she never is here. I asked my husband if he thinks she is embarrassed by us. She use to love with us full time but the min her mother moved into a 350,000 house with her new husband, she really started acting out. Do not her me wrong our house is really nice  we paid 125,000 for it and have put in a lot of work. It's is slightly bigger then bio moms but all there stuff in that house is brand new. I do not understand how they can afford that house since bm have not  worked in 7 years and step dad works at a small dealership. 
Once we get all the things we want done to our house it will be worth about the same as there's if not more. I am glad we have projects to do around this house. It's fun making things to fit your stil not somone else's.

Everyday SD is more like her mother, fake, bougie, narsitistic, lazy, intitled, and disrespectful.

What are you thoughts, whould you take your SK on a vacay if they never came over unless they wanted something? Would you make them spend their own money on things since they did not want to go to the store or help pack up the car for the trip? Would you do things with SK knowing that is they only reason they are going is because they think they are going to get spoild and have more shit to bring back to their Mothers house? 

Comments

hereiam's picture

What are you thoughts, whould you take your SK on a vacay if they never came over unless they wanted something?

Nope.

somethingwicked's picture

^^THIS^^^

That's a Double NOPE,Ghost Rider .

Harry's picture

You know deep down this is not going to be good ?  She will make it about herself.  Wanting you to buy her things, complain about the WiFi.  Have a melt down.   Why put yourself through this? If she starts tell DH to take her home by himself .  

Scorpiomum1111's picture

I have a feeling I might take that phone and through it off the cliff. She is always on that damn thing. I just really hope I can stay claim and not allow her to fuck up my vacay. If she does then going forward him and her can take a vacay. I do not give a fuck if it's a family one. There has been so many times her mom would go on vacay with her family and not take her. I understand it now. Plus her step dad is the one that pays all the bills so whet he says goes in they house. My home we talk about it but I am done talking about how she can do what she wants then get what she wants. I was not raised that way nor will my son even think that is ok. 

susanm's picture

Make sure that you take plenty of things to keep yourself and baby happy and occupied so that you can ignore whatever idiocy she gets up to.  You can be a self-contained unit and let your DH be a doormat if he so chooses.   

Cover1W's picture

Ok, been there, exactly. Well not with a kid of my own. DH decided to take OSD then 15 overseas with us in 2019. You can read my blogs about it.

I thoroughly objected all along. He admitted it was a bribe to get her to talk with him. He put off planning a long time because she wouldn't answer him about going. He wanted a 'family vacation' as we were also visiting his family for much of the time.

So to keep my sanity I did several things, I knew I couldn't stop him from planning her to go....

I refused to do any planning. It was his family and his kids. This was HIS idea. I only wanted to know the travel dates by a certain time for my work and I got to plan a day/getaway for only him and I while we were there.

He paid for travel costs and I paid him back for my ticket and part of YSDs (I agreed with her going). I refused to pay a cent for OSD.

I refused to plan activities or pay for them unless it was my rare idea and I didn't help pay for much of the meals while we were there because I knew it was going to be an issue with OSD especially. Food, activities, travel, it was all in him. I would not intervene unless something was reflecting on me directly. I made this clear with him up front. (It didn't take but one day there and he was already having food issues and complaining from OSD).

I refused to help with travel oversight while traveling. If they were badly behaved it was on him. I would not help with food at the airport or on the plane. I wouldn't sit by them on the plane.

This allllll kept me sane. He also realized oSD had more issues than he thought and they hardly spoke the whole time. He actually tried to avoid her half way through the trip.

YSD was pretty good overall and she enjoyed herself and would like to go again. I overheard OSD tell her she thought overseas travel was overrated and didn't want to go again.

You're going to have to find your boundaries band make them clear. Make it nothing to do with SD. Ignore her phone, ignore the attitude. Walk away if you need to (yep I did). Let DH deal with all of it and let him know exactly what you will and won't do.

Scorpiomum1111's picture

Thank you for the feed back. I am glad I found this site because I feel like I am the only one with in my friend circle that deals with this shit. Not one seems to know or understand. Ever since my son was born I have put my foot done on paying things for his daughter. She has a mom. Have her pay for things. I will look through your blogs to find sanity and hope your stories and other peoples feed back help me understand hand deal with things. My husband came up to me today and stated she felt like she was unwanted here. Well good. Because I have done everything in my power to not be so and have asked so many times to have her do things with us as a family and she chose her friends and other things over us. We had a visitation a while back and she was close to the perks on whom passed. Instead she wanted to go boating and not pay her respects. Smh. 

Cover1W's picture

Oh yes the 'not feel wanted' line. I. E. You don't pay enough attention to me or give me enough things or make me help around the house like do my own dishes....

I told DH that it is not on me. If she refuses to participate in our activities that's on her. If she has to do things for herself that's reality. If she doesn't get gifts or special treats every day that's because she's not the queen.

I treat people with respect and if they don't give it back then I don't do special things.

Disneyfan's picture

I wouldn't mind her going on the vacation.  BUTI I would not alter my plans to accommodate her.  My plans would be geared toward the infant not the teen.  I wouldn't concern myself with what dad did as long as his choices didn't impact my pockets.(separate finances)

Expecting a 16 year old to be interested in or care about an 8 month oldest milestones is a bit much.  Parents and grandparents care about those things.  Siblings with that big of an age difference usually don't care.

Scorpiomum1111's picture

It's really not about the milestones it's about her complain how she never gets time with her brother yet always makes plans or says she does not want to go when we ask her to do things that are in town. She did watch him one time and that was because dh paid her. 

Disneyfan's picture

Ignore her comments about wanting to spend time with the baby.  She's just saying what she thinks her dad wants to hear.  No normal 16 year old would pick bonding with an infant over hanging out with friends.

 

SeeYouNever's picture

We had a similar situation with my SD13. She wouldn't come see us unless DH would take her on a vacation or to a resort. She even asked to stay at a hotel rather than our house. She would always have a better "offer" of hanging with friends or parties on DHs weekends. At first he would give into the bribe but I convinced him that if she wanted to do the fun special stuff as a family she needed to come see us for normal stuff. Vacations were out so she would only come when we were throwing or going to a party. Last year we went to the UK to visit friends and she didn't speak to DH for months because she was so mad he didn't bring her along. This was not a trip for kids, it was us visiting our child-free friends.

My DH is not buying her a car or paying for a quincenera, grad party or any of that, thank God. He'll still buy her birthday and Christmas gifts but other than that he knows he was being used.

Don't expect anything magical to happen when they turn 18. They don't disappear and if they are spoiled and entitled now it very well could be worse and continue into her 20s... 30s... 40s...  It's best to get your DH to realize he's being used now. 

Scorpiomum1111's picture

I have been trying they for years. After going on this trip he has talked about going to FL for the winter break. If she goes. , I am not going. I posted the trip in detailed on another blog. Still annoyed as fuck her. She is so selfish and rrrr