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DH WALKS OUT DURING COUNSELING

schrob01's picture

Yes, DH became so heated during counseling last night that he walked out! He came back in a little while later. But I confronted him in front of the counselors last night & said that I feel he is looking for a way out & the counselors agreed w/me & said that's what they see also.

Meanwhile DSD hasn't been to our house to stay since we came back from vacation July 19th, becuz DH has not MADE her come home. Yet, she hasn't been made to stay w/DH at grandmas either. She has been staying w/boyfriend all of these days. DSD tells DH that she refuses to come back to OUR home because I'm mean. Which, ok, i am & becuz of all the mean things that I said, example:"she can't boil water or burn toast." Things that concern me becuz I don't have time to raise a 17 year old toddler when i have a REAL infant on the way. So, i guess if that makes me mean, then I'm mean. Also, my personal counselor has warned me to never leave the baby alone w/DSD, not becuz she would INTENTIONALLY hurt the baby, but becuz she's so self-aborobed & caught up in her own little world & not being treated for her O.C.D. that she may accidentally hurt the baby or allow the baby to get hurt, or wander out of the house into the swimming pool to drown.

I thought DH was home for good this past weekend. But no, he decided to stay at his mother's house last night again to wait for DSD to come home, which she was supposed to be home by 5:00pm for him to sit down & have a talk w/her. When he called me at 10:30pm, she still had not returned home. As of this morning, she's still not home! So, her behavior has totally reverted back to what it was before I laid down rules of the house. She is totally using ME as the excuse to make DH feel sorry for her & let her have her way w/ all this "EXTRA" time w/BF. Before, I was able to get her home by Sunday afternoon & she was not aloud to take off w/BF till Friday. That's completely been thrown out of the window now. But of course DH can't see it. And on top of all that, he insists that I apologize to her to try to get her to come back home (to our house).
Even though he NEVER made her pay any kind of penance or apology to me & my youngest daughter after she lied to me several times & stole from me & my youngest. Never made her apologize about ANY of it. But... I need to apologize. So... I've been praying & praying & praying & so far, the only thing I find myself praying is that she continues to be able to manipulate my husband so that she NEVER has to come back & hopefully, he'll wake up & see what's really going on.

My DH has allowed DSD to do all of these things AFTER the counselors told him that he needed to sit down w/DSD & tell her that having a physical relationship w/BF is not right, a conversation that still has not happened.

But oh well! Who cares! I've had so much peace in my house for the past two weeks. I don't want to give it up! I keep praying "God, let your will be done!" Whatever that might be. Right now, DSD is just one big ball of chaos & confussion with no order or direction in her life & I just can't deal w/the insanity anymore.

I finally as DH last night, straight up, if he is looking for a way out to just be honest w/me & tell me becuz I would rather hear the truth, even if it hurts then to just be strung along, waiting for DH to come home.

In my heart, I don't know what I want, but I am taking action & doing everything that I need to do to make it work. I'm even praying about apologizing to DSD & I will do it if that's what needs to be done. I don't really think my DH knows what commitment is. He was in such a hurry to get married. I wanted to wait. I wanted to do all of the pre-marriage counseling, he insisted that he knew what he wanted. I was always the one hesitant. Whenever he would use words like "forever", i would get frightened & mull them over in my mind & in prayer w/the Lord & would just say to myself "one day at a time", concentrate on TODAY. Now when it comes down to it, I'm the one doing everything possible to save our marriage. I was the one who was scared, I was the one who was precautious. Maybe because I am the one who knows what it's about. I kept a realistice view about it. All of my feelings of fear were normal fears that a normal person who is about to get married would have. He was fearless, never waivering & now we're going thru a storm & he's the first to cave. I'm disappointed.

Comments

Crizzle's picture

know where SD's BF lives? Does he pick her up and drop her off when she goes off with him or does she drive herself? In either case, I would be calling the police because she is still a minor and they can make her come home or pick her up and bring her home. I would call and find out and report her missing. I would be getting license plate #'s for whomever is doing the driving. I can not believe he allows her to get away with this. There would be no more overnights with BF. That is absolutely ridiculous. I'm surprised she isn't pregnant yet.

I know what you mean about having peach in your home too though. My SD's have been gone all weekend! Sweet bliss! They are at my sister-in-law's and have been there since Friday! We have to get them back home today because school starts tomorrow, but I am so grateful any time I get ANY break from them. DH has custody and they haven't seen or talked to BM since October. Wow it's been almost a year! Hopefully, she will just fall off the face of the Earth. Here's to wishful thinking!

"If your going through hell, keep on going, don't slow down, if you're scared, don't show it, you might get out before the devil even knows you're there" -Rodney Atkins

schrob01's picture

We know where BF lives, never met his parents though. DH doesn't care, if he did he would do something about it or say something to her about it. I'm concerned because I'm not ready to be a grandma. The only reason she's not pregnant yet is becuz I made DH put her on birthcontrol pills.

I hope my DH divorces me.

Stick's picture

It's interesting that you say you "hope your DH divorces" YOU.

If you feel that way, why don't you divorce him? Why are you letting him run this relationship?

schrob01's picture

Money is an issue for me right now, since he has also decided not to pay his portion of the bills & it's really not on my list of priorities right now. I've got to try to stabalize my life. I need to let him know that he needs to make up his mind by the 1st of the month, as to what he's going to do, so i can rent out the spare bedroom. I also need to get ready to go on maternity leave in a few more weeks. My daughter is looking for a job to help out w/bills & rent but says she will watch the baby in exchange for room & board once I go back to work. Once I get situated w/ all those things, I will probably end up doing it.

Stick's picture

Because if you feel that he's looking for a way out, and the counselors agree, then I am glad to hear you are doing everything you can to protect yourself!!

schrob01's picture

We still have another year of this garbage, she just turned 18 & husband is nowhere near realizing that SD has a problem.