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Constant FB issue

Riley63's picture

So DH and I felt that since we dont have a home phone and we only rely on our cell phone (which SD10 does not have) we would give her an outlet to talk with her friends by allowing her to have a FB acount which we would in turn monitor. For some of you who know our situation, you may know that BM used to call SD10 every other week but abrupty stopped calling and made up an excuse she told SD10. ( We have primary custody and BM sees her every other weekend) So BM found out SD10 has a FB page and set up a new account (aside from the current one she already had) to communicate with SD10. We have no problem with this as we are also friends with SD10, however, BM monopolizes her time on their and instead of it being an outlet to talk with friends because a way for her and BM to talk. (still fine with this). In the last week SD10 became grounded and online privaledges were taken away from her. During this time, we realized that BM was sending messages every day and then stopped. She has now started to simply block her FB page and send the messages on her wall instead to SD10 and has instructed SD10 to simply check her page to see any comments she leaves for her.

Is this a little wierd? DH saw this and wants to immediatly remove her from SD10's facebook page, which I in turn dont really agree with but dont know why exactly. Any advise on how to handle this situation, if at all?


StepMadre's picture

Maybe getting her an email account might be a better idea? You're supposed to be 14 years old to get a FB account, anyway, and I think it's not designed with younger kids in mind and will probably lead to other problems and is too complicated for your situation. There is a lot of potential for misunderstandings, hurt feelings and drama and if you switched to an email account instead, it would simplify things and she could communicate directly with her mom, if her mom is willing to make the effort to keep a correspondence with her (a bare minimum in my book). Their interactions will be higher quality and more personal than FB and would eliminate the angst you guys are suffering right now. Just an idea!

Riley63's picture

She does have an email account that has been set up for many years on KOL that her mom used to use but she also stopped sending her emails. You are right, you are supposed to be 14 to set up an account on FB but with parental consent can set it to a younger age and most of her friends also have FB accounts. Although now it appears that he BM is being sneaky and wierd about her communication with SD10.

StepMadre's picture

Gosh, it really sounds like the main problem then is BM and her lack of willingness to communicate regularly with her daughter. That's so hard and there's no good way to prevent heartache for your SD if her own mother isn't willing to step up and be there for her! I didn't know about the parental consent, but if her friends are on there and she enjoys it for that, then it sounds like a good thing in that respect at least? Why do adults have to be so immature?! It sounds like your SDs BM is acting like a sneaky teenager and that's probably the last thing your pre-teen SD needs!


I just went through something similar with FB. I deactivated SS's accounts due to their mom posting ugly things about me on their wall where all their friends from school and such could read. I preceded to block BM from my Facebook and yesterday I recieved a very ugly email from her under another name, telling me how wrong I was and such, and calling me all kinds of ugly names. That is okay though because I plan to take this email to City Hall Tuesday morning and signing a warrant. I do not want to hurt SS's but I am not going to harrassed by someone who chose drugs over her children, never pays a dime including school clothes or santa, and who doesnt even buy them presents or takes them anywhere. Good luck!

Angel37's picture

I don't get it...what's the problem? Mom and daughter are communicating and that should not be interfered with. Does your husband monitor the conversations between mom and daughter? They should be allowed privacy and I'm guessing that's what she's looking's not about being sneaky, it's about private conversations with one's child. Every parent and every child has a right to that.

pastepmomof3's picture

I agree with Angel's comment, AS LONG AS DH is monitoring the account and as long as the communication is not disrespectful towards you or DH, or SD for that matter. If you try to take her to court for that, the judge won't agree because it is a forum for communication (and anything is better than nothing). Good luck.