We all say things we don't mean sometimes and immediately wish we could hit rewind and change it. I've said some harsh things to my DH that I would never ever mean on a normal day, but if he's being a jerk about something and has me really upset, then yeah, I hate him at that moment, or I may wish that I had never married him, or I'll say he's a terrible husband. In reality, I love him more than anything in the world, I'm so happy I married him, and he's the best husband I could ever ask for. But when I get mad about something, and I mean really mad, and he gets mad back and acts like a jerk, then sometimes I get diarreah of the mouth and I just can't help it. Don't worry...he'll get over it.

If he's on the plane now, his phone's probably off anyway. So leave him a sincere voice mail apology first. This way, he'll get it as soon as he turns on his phone. Then ask him to call you back as soon as he can.

I totally agree with the other posters. Everyone is human and makes mistakes. It's how we step up to the plate and fix them that makes all the difference.

"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis

That sucks. I hope he understands you were angry. Though I do have a saying that I live by "Mean what you say and say what you mean". I don't know where it came from, but I do not say anything that I don't mean to say, even in an arguement. I believe that if it comes out of your mouth, then you must be feeling it on some level or it would not have entered your mind to say it in the first place. Maybe you should re-examine your resentment towards him for whatever. You may find that you have built up some hostilities towards him. Good luck...HUGS

You’ve got to figure out a way to get that anger and venom out of yourself before you ruin what is left of your marriage. You need to go to yahoo or hotmail and create a new email address for your eyes only. You write letters to the people that are at the root of all the anger and send it to your box where no one else can see it. The question is do you want this marriage to end and do you think your life was better without him and the baggage?
Just wait a while before you ask for forgiveness and I am sure that he will come around eventually. You may want to get help for the anger and depression and ZOLOFT is normally the answer to that problem.
Or if you really don’t want to deal with him and his crap anymore just kick him to the curb and get on with your life.

Regretful - I agree with 5TEENS, since he is still on the plane, leave him a sincere, heartfelt message explaining why you were so upset and apologize. I'm sure he is also stewing about the argument and perhaps by the time his plane lands he will have had a chance to calm down as well and will be receptive to you. May I ask what caused the argument?

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

Hi, hon....hey, first of all, from all things you've blogged, etc.,
you are very SLOW to anger and have lately just been feeling like the
proverbial tea kettle about to explode. Well, it happened, you knew
it was coming, deep down he knew it was coming. You can't take it
back now, it's "out there", and since I don't know his personality,
is he the type who will hold a "sincere apology" over your head for
the rest of your life? (My H can be like that!! It's like you "con-
fessed" that you're BAD rather than said you're sorry for hurting his
feelings....makes him feel like God)

I agree with Sparky...vent to someone/spew all your venom; feel free
to send me a private message and just LET IT RIP. There is NOTHING
WRONG with being a HUMAN and losing YOUR COOL for once in your life.
Women, especially, are "conditioned" to behave like if you speak up for yourself, you are a "bitch". We all know that. For the longest time, you just kept all your feelings inside, simmering. NOT LETTING those things out is what will hurt you in the long run.

Please take care and LIGHTEN UP ON YOURSELF!! You are NOT BAD!!
You are HURT and ANGRY. Hugs!!

with only the best of intentions...

On your blog yesterday (regarding your dealings with a mentally unstable BM), your original post was heartfelt and in search of some guidance.

I posted my own personal experience in hopes that you could maybe take some of my lessons learned and apply that to your own situation since I have finally had some peace in my ever chaotic life. I've learned ways to cope with an unruly BM and a DH who was incapable of mediating between his former and current wife. I understand how frustrated you can get with your DH. But I also am continuosly trying to find the balance of it all.

You have reached your boiling point.

Your responses and comments are ending with exclamation points! So I can only imagine what your conversations are like. There is almost never any resolution when either party in an argument is so angry and resentful.

Hate is such a hurtful word. Especially when it's directed at you by someone you love. You don't hate your husband. You hate your situation. I'd start out by telling him just that.

Then you HAVE to start figuring out your resolution. What is it that is going to make YOU happy? I say make a list of what is making you so miserable followed by possible solutions. i.e. You feel like you are doing more than your fair share with no appreciation....take the weekend off. Then express that you NEED pleases and thank yous or you won't be forthcoming with anymore assistance in your stepfamily's day to day needs. You are CHOSING to help because you love them, you don't HAVE to do anything.

I think this little break from your husband will do you both some good. I know how difficult it is, but try to take advantage of the alone time to try and refocus on YOUR needs.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

I had a conversation with my DH at lunch about one of the ladies situations on here. Her situation was very similar to mine a while back. After I explained the situation to DH, I asked him his honest opinion of why her DH was acting that way. He's really bad about BSing me before I finally get at the answer I'm looking for. His comment was simply "Instead of just griping about the problem so much try harder to find a solution. Sometimes we just take it wrong." Hmmm. Maybe he's just a little right?? He meant it in a kind way. I do know anytime I have vented my anger on him I have just made the situation ten times worse for him and mainly for myself - at least for a while. Generally it takes him longer to respond to my suggestions if I'm angry and resentful about it. Not that I'm not. I've had my share of all of it that's for sure.

"OCD sucks"
Habit and routine have an unbelievable power to destroy.
--Henri de Lubac

my DH did admit that a lot of the issues we are seeing with our husbands are related to guilt. I never thought I would actually hear that come out of his mouth.

"OCD sucks"
Habit and routine have an unbelievable power to destroy.
--Henri de Lubac

Guilt about failing in the first marriage where the kids are concerned.

My DH feels guilty because he feels like he is not giving me (who he admittedly loves dearly) 100% because of the guilt he feels for his kids. We discussed this in great detail on Father's Day after drinking a lot of Shiner Bock.

"OCD sucks"
Habit and routine have an unbelievable power to destroy.
--Henri de Lubac

is a beer that's made in SHiiiiner Texas! Personally I'm a Ziegenbock (also a Texas beer) or a Sam Adams Light chick. Shiner kinda tastes nasty to me, but DH seems to like it. Anyway, it did the trick that day. If I remember correctly when we were in COlorado last month we asked for Ziegenbock and they had no clue what it was.

"OCD sucks"
Habit and routine have an unbelievable power to destroy.
--Henri de Lubac

You'll be surprised at how many times you say or feel like saying you hate each other as time marches on. Saying I HATE YOU is almost an endearment between me and my DH! We let it out, we have a good laugh and we're reminded of how much we truly do love each other. We've been married almost seven years now. It's just words. I'm glad you worked it out!

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ANNE 8102 ♥ GEORGIA