Feeling Torn
So quick back story is : BM has supervised visits for 4 hours EOW. Is supposed to be paying child support (we just got that started and she owes back to Dec). Has failed to do visits as instructed by CO and has not paid one dime.
DH has decided to just have her rights taken away. We are supposed to do this next month. Not guaranteed to happen though. I feel like this may be taking it to far and that the kids will one day hate us for it.
Part of me really wants her to pay for all she has done to the kids and for neglecting them both emotionally and financially. There is a VERY small part of me that feels like we just shouldn't have her rights taken away. That there is a small tiny minute glimmer of hope that she will one day realize what the kids need and do it for them.
Should I just have DH's back and we go in all guns a blazing and have her rights to the children stripped away or should I talk to him about it again or even have a meeting with SD15 about her feelings on it. SS7 doesn't know her all that well but does know she is his mom and that he was in her tummy.
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Comments
Are you talking parental
Are you talking parental rights or modifying CO lines?
Parental rights is what my DH
Parental rights is what my DH wants. He doesn't want to just throw a bunch of contempt charges at her because she ain't afraid to go to jail and she will refuse to pay for anything.
Why does BM only have
Why does BM only have supervised visits? If it's for anything violent, I'm on your guys side. Talk about it if you want, but it's really his decision.
Drugs, not having a place to
Drugs, not having a place to live unless its shacked up with her flavor of the month and basically not having her crap together. She has not abused the kids that I am aware of besides putting them in very dangerous situations.
I can show the judge my bank
I can show the judge my bank account and all the receipts I have for providing for the kids but I do not wish to adopt them.
I can guarantee that BM is
I can guarantee that BM is not capable. She can't hold down a job, just got her DL back after 7 years, has no car and has never done anything for the kids besides the occasional present. It's really sad to me that a 40 year old woman can't even pay for half of their school supplies. That was all she had to do last year. Not one red cent was I given back. This was the reason we got CS started. Being nice and giving her the easy way out financially back fired and we got nothing and could not get her check garnished even if she had a job.
I hate to hear that. Really
I hate to hear that. Really burns me up that these POS BMs do not think they should have to help support their children.
I can see getting her legal
I can see getting her legal rights removed so that your DH can take care of all the legal/medical issues that might come up in the future. He doesn't need to be put in a place where he has to make a life threatening decision but cant until he tracks Long-Gone-BM down. He can go to court and see what happens, if BM is a no show for the court hearing to fight for her rights then I would say he did the right thing. If she shows up then maybe try modifying the CO for four hours supervised with 24 hour notice. I agree with HRNYC, it is also very difficult to get another parent's rights taken away unless they are in jail for the long haul or a serious offense.
Our lawyer seems to think
Our lawyer seems to think because of her track record that there is a better than 50% chance the judge will just take away her rights. As of right now she can't and doesn't make any medical decisions for the kids. Heck she has never taken them to the doctor that I am aware of. I am not sure I want her rights taken away though. I know it ain't up to me but DH listens to me and values my thoughts and feelings on the BM issue.
Does your dh have full legal
Does your dh have full legal custody of the Stepkids right now?
It says joint with him being
It says joint with him being the custodial parent. The only rights she has is to the supervised visits, which are not happening right now because the visits weren't actually being supervised all the time. Because she has to be supervised with the children she can't pick them up or take them anywhere. I really just want the CO changed to where she has to be drug tested weekly and choose a new supervisor for visitation.
What stinks about this is
What stinks about this is your DH is willing to take money from you to support his kids, but doesn't want to hold their mother's feet to the fire. What would he do if he didn't have you?
We have tried to hold her
We have tried to hold her feet to the fire. Last week she actually showed up for child support hearing and told the judge she couldn't afford to pay it. She pretty much said hell no, signed the paper and walked out. Of course I have said the same thing to DH. How come you can take my money but she gets off paying absolutely nothing for her children. He tells me you can't get blood from a turnip.
Do you have separate
Do you have separate finances? What would he do if you decided to also be a turnip and only pay for your own percentage of household expenses? Could he cover the difference?