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Small but constant annoyance

Derbygirl31's picture

My SO has this nightly ritual where she lays down with SS6 until he falls asleep. Its annoying, I usually let them have their own time all afternoon (after work) then I feel like he cuts into my time at night. She has babied him sooooooo much, I forced a lot of changes on them including her dressing ss6 for school and bathing him. HE ISNT 2!!

I've spoken to other BMs (since I don't have any SM in my circle) and they say that laying with your child is a beautiful bond, and one ill understand once I have my own. ugh. I hate that.

its great and all that they read together at night but the laying with him thing? annoying and weird.

when she works late and I have to put him to bed, I DONT lay with him. it makes me uncomfortable... his skinny little hands, its weird, he even makes me uncomfortable when he touches this little mole she has on her shoulder. its a comfort thing? or a habit thing? idk. it makes me feel funny in the tummy. anywayyyy she gets soo mad at me for not laying with him. HE.IS.SIX.

I know this is a very small thing to be complaining about, its just a nightly annoyance, needed to let it out.

sportslover's picture

I find it weird, too. My parents NEVER did anything like that. Just said "goodnight"

Rags's picture

Weird but not your problem to solve. That your SO tries to force you to lie with the Skid is more weird IMHO.

The good news is that at least she is not co-sleeping with him in your relationship bed. That would be pukeworthy. :sick:

Lillian23's picture

When myself, SO, and his son (who was 6 at the time) all moved in together, I put a stop to the whole "Daddy reads me a story and tucks me in and kisses me goodnight" thing. I flat out said to my SO one day, "I think it's time he starts putting himself to bed" and he (a little reluctantly at first) agreed. This was around the beginning of Summer last year, so it's been a little less than a year of doing this. SS definitely was nervous about it in the beginning, there were some "tears" and lip quivering, but he's fine now (he turned 7 back in November.) The routine now is shower at 7:30pm, read downstairs with Daddy around 7:45-7:50pm, bedtime at 8pm. He walks himself upstairs and puts himself to bed, done and done. The kid has ZERO routine at BMs house, bedtime or otherwise, so we're pretty strict about the timeframe.

My philosophy is similar to yours: I let SO and SS have their time together after school/work and try not to interfere much. Nighttime is for SO and I to spend time together, reconnect, watch "our shows," etc. I think it's more than fair for you to request the same.

happystepmum's picture

What's the problem with a parent tucking a 6 year old into bed, reading them a story and then kissing them goodnight? It's a nice routine for both parent and child.

It's only a problem if the parent lays there half the evening.

Jsmom's picture

Not abnormal. I laid down with mine until about 7 or 8. I lost a child and my husband when he was 6 so it went on longer than it should have, but it was a healing thing for us after that. When he was little, if I didn't my husband did. It was our quiet time and I miss that.

You don't have to do it, but she should be able to put her kid to sleep how she wants. Given the way you feel about the kid, this may not be the relationship for you.

Merry's picture

Not abnormal. I loved that quiet time with mine. We would read a book, and at about age six we started to switch from me reading to DD to her reading to me. Spent maybe 15 minutes at the end of the day like that. And it just kinda naturally changed over time and wasn't a big deal. I don't remember deciding to stop the bedtime ritual, just sort of naturally faded. Never had an ounce of trouble getting that child to sleep in her own room, in her own bed.

Considering Cohabitation's picture

I know a lot of parents who lay down with their kids at night. At first I wondered how long it would last (I moved in with DH and SD8 when she was 6).

After a little while she started asking me to lay down with her instead of DH. I will tell you that sometimes after a long day the LAST thing I want to do is help her fall asleep. But most of the time I love having the special "us" time. We chat about her day and she will sometimes share a concern or story about the day that didn't come up at dinner. She reads to me and then I rub her back until she falls asleep. It also gives DH some quiet time at the end of the day. Then he and I can enjoy our evening together.

There are times I want to let her sleep on her own but I know that this time is precious and that she won't ask forever and I will inevitably miss it when it's gone.

Admittedly our relationship is very tight and her mother is great about us building a loving relationship which helps a lot. It's not for everyone. You shouldn't feel obligated to do anything like that where you will feel uncomfortable.

happystepmum's picture

What exactly is the problem? The child is only 6 years old?? He'll grow out of this fairly soon, and will start wanting a bit of independence.