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BM and FB, am I wrong to think this odd?

PrincessFiona's picture

First some quick background...BM has a history of being unable to respect boundries. She has a tendency toward being more of a friend and less parent to SD. I find her to be very selfish and childish, often stuck in 'high-school' like drama. And lastly, she and my ex had a quick 'fling' when we first split up.

So I was checking up on my DS13 and signed onto his FB account. There is a friend request from BM. I was immediately annoyed. I don't want this woman having any influence on my kids, it's bad enough that her child, who she influences, has influence on my kids. I would never trust her to be an adult. I try my best to keep my kids away from her.

I suspect that her motives have more to do with trying to get closer to my ex but she also is very into being the 'super cool' mom and is FB friends with all of SD's friends.

Am I wrong to think she is out of line? or that it isn't appropriate?

Comments

PrincessFiona's picture

That was my first response too. I clicked Ignore thinking it would just be hidden from DS and he wouldn't even notice.

Then I started thinking I would use it to check out BM's FB. So I accepted, checked out her stuff, bored myself and un-friended her.

She used to have her privacy setting so anyone could see, then SD friended me and she changed them so I couldn't see her wall. Now I could care less, I hardly ever use FB, I'm not into it, she doesn't interest me enough to keep tabs on her. But here is someone who took action to keep me out of her FB is now friending my son????

pastepmomof3's picture

She's definitely crossing some boundaries by asking your DS to be a friend on FB. I say IGNORE and then if she asks DH why DS didn't add her, he can light her up. No good could come from that...

Jsmom's picture

Ignore this one. She is up to something. I also have issues with some people being on Kids Facebook pages. We had an issue with my BIL friending one of my SD friends and the parents called my husband to say it was innapropriate for him (single) to be chatting with 13 year old girls. Hit ignore and never mention it and if she does to DH he can deal with it.

PrincessFiona's picture

She is always up to something, or at least I think she is. That's kind of why I posted this. I sometimes need some differing perspectives to make sure I'm not being paranoid about her. SHe is very manipulative but I often wonder if I exaggerate that in my own mind.

PrincessFiona's picture

Since I'm not very FB savy, what does the other person see when they have been unfriended? do they get notified?

stormabruin's picture

It won't notify her that she's been unfriended, however, I know when someone accepts my friend request I'll get an email saying that I am now friends with so-and-so. Since you accepted her request, she'll likely get that email & then when she goes to look at your son's page, she won't have access & the box will be at the top of his page for her send him a friend request.

If you simply ignore the request, when she goes to look at his page the box she clicked to send the friend request would say, "Pending request" or something like that. That way, she knows her request was neither accepted or denied.

Asher10's picture

weird.I would go into his account settings and put a block on her that way she can't even search for him. Smile

PrincessFiona's picture

I actually started to do that but it wouldnt' make much sense, he if friends with SD and she would only have to go thru her to get to him. He isn't anymore into FB than I am so it may be weeks before he even gets on again. I'm just annoyed.

Asher10's picture

no, even if he's on SD's list if you put her on his block list, she can see that he's on SD's list but when she tries to click on him his page will come up unavailable to her.She also won't be able to see anything he posts on SD's page even though they are mutual friends w SD. try it:) just for your own peace of mind. BM is a nosey little jerk

pastepmomof3's picture

I think this is what my SD did on her account because none of her comments show up on my SS's account anymore. I think she did it because of his weird grandmother but whatever. She's smart, but not too smart. Wink

PrincessFiona's picture

Good point. As I was steaming about it I asked myself that very thing. I accepted a friend request from SD. I 'might' accept a friend request from BM if she extended one, only in an effort to keep peace.

I dont' necessarly have an issue with adults having kids as fb friends as long as their content is appropriate.

I woudldn't think twice about my kids friending their SM or any of her family. But this is BM and my kids who she has no other contact with except thru me.

I just find it weird.

caregiver1127's picture

Wait I am trying to understand this - the BM in your situation sent a friend request to your bio son - that is bizarre and their is no other foot to be on - if you want to accept from your SD who you are involved in her life okay - but that would freak me out - if my BM would try to friend my DD - I would tell her to take a hike - I have even blocked her and my SS from my FB - I don't allow children on my FB anyway it is for me to reconnect and stay in touch with friends and family -

When I first read this I thought it was your SS but no too weird!!

stormabruin's picture

Even so, though, the situation wouldn't be the same if it were flipped. The BM isn't any relation to OP's DS. OP is a stepparent to SD.

PrincessFiona's picture

Well that's too bad. I honestly would rather have her know that she is not welcomed but I'm sure she'll give me plenty of other opportunities to make that point. Smile

Milomom's picture

Hi Princess Fiona!

I come from a different point of view - as I am not a big "fan" of Facebook (or any of the other "popular" social networking websites) to begin with. Your post is yet ANOTHER shining example of why I can't stand FB & why I'm not on it.

Bottom line: more opportunity for unnecessary DRAMA!!! Who needs it?? Not me, that's for sure. If I want to be "friends" with someone, I simply pick up the phone and call them, or email them or text them (if I need to talk to them fairly quickly).

If I put myself in your shoes, and that happened to me (BM trying to "friend" my kid(s)), especially if my BM were like yours, I would put the "ke-bosh" on it ASAP!! Your BM seems to have nothing else better to do than "friend" kids - she's trying to act "cool" like she's their age so they like her. Nothing short of pathetic. GET.A.LIFE!!!

I would be sure to tell your DH about this incident, too - and be honest with him about how you feel. Tell him, in no uncertain terms, that you absolutely DO NOT want BM "friend"ing your child EVER.AGAIN. Let him handle her - he made a kid with her, she's HIS problem, not yours. With that said, however, YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO RAISE YOUR CHILDREN AS YOU SEE FIT - and if BM persists with this FB crap, I would IMMEDIATELY insert myself into the matter until it is resolved. I would never allow BM to have any type of influence/contact with MY kids (your BM is similar to mine) - they don't need to deal with another LOSER in their lives, they already have enough of that to deal with in the real world that you don't know of, IMO.

Good luck Princess Fiona! I think you did the right thing - "UNFRIEND" her and be done with it. Keep monitoring to see if she tries again - and have it STOPPED immediately. Even if you have to go so far as to contact the police.

PrincessFiona's picture

I agree with you 100%. I have discussed it with DH, he knows how I feel. I'm not sure he has as much appreciation for it as I'd like but he chose to have a child with her.

I have had to ask him not to invite my son with him for pickups as he then goes in her house and she gushes over him. He is not prepared to filter what he tells her either so she'll use that.

I'll be keeping my eye on it and I will contact her personally if she persists. I really doubt she will. She's not necessarily agressive with her nonsense just very persistent.