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Ex Invited herself to OUR child's birthday party??

PoisonApples's picture

Boyfriend's ex has refused to allow him access to his children since early march when she lost a court case where she was trying to get more money.

She doesn't say it's about money, she gave no reason until a late March when boyfriend wrote and asked her what the problem was. She replied with a list of requirements he had to meet to regain access (ludicrous ones) and then said that she would 'perhaps' restore access on some level after he met her conditions but access would have to work around the girls (age 7 and 5) schedules for activities and parties. She then went on to rant about how important parties are 'for their development'.

Last weekend was our daughter's 3rd birthday. Ex had backed herself into a corner because surely if parties are so important she wouldn't want them to miss their own sister's party? right?

Well, we sent an invitation to the party which she didn't even tell the children about. Boyfriend then dropped another invitation to the babysitters. 2 days before the party boyfriend asked ex 3 times (email and text) if she was going to let them go. Finally, the day before she said they could go 'for a little while' but SHE would be there too!

Now this woman has been bitch from hell from day one. She has hit me in the past. Her only interaction with our daughter was to stick her finger in her face and scream at her one week past her 2nd birthday because she had bitten the 5 year old (didn't break the skin, 5 year old had bullied her all weekend). She sent emails and screamed at us demanding to know what the 'punishment' for our 2 year old would be (she was holding the 5 year old in her arms at the time). She went on and on about her right to know what 'consequences' our 2 year old would face for biting the precious 5 year old. Now I don't condone biting in any way but that was the ONLY time our child ever bit anyone and god was she provoked!

So, suffice it to say that there was NO WAY this bitch was coming to our child's birthday party. Boyfriend sent her several texts telling her she was NOT welcome and asking her to just drop the kids with us and pick them up later - even though it was his weekend to have them anyway. She refused and insisted that they could not come unless she was there too.

Finally, the night before I sent her an email and told her that she was not welcome and that if she showed up I'd call the police and file charges of harassment. Of course she used this as her excuse not to let them come, who knows what lies she told them about it. She forwarded my email to my boyfriend and told him that she had planned to bring them until she got this 'threatening' email from me but now she didn't feel that she could let them come at all. Right, like she ever really planned on letting them come anyway. She would have shown up, immediately caused a scene, picked the up in a self-righteous huff and stomped out.

Thing is, my boyfriend can tell her the same things - that she's not welcome and she just ignores him as if he said nothing. She blames ME for everything. He can tell her 20 times that she's a crap mother over some thing or another and she'll act like he never said a word. If I say the EXACT same thing she gets all irate. I suppose she's in denial that he sees her for what she really is and prefers to believe that it's all me.

To hear her tell it she's always the victim though. She constantly starts crap with us and then pretends that she's being so picked on.

So last week she requested through her lawyer that they meet with their lawyers to discuss restoring access. That's a normal process here, each party goes to a separate room with their lawyers and the lawyers meet in between to hammer out a deal. My boyfriend agreed to meet even though he was not willing to negotiate at all for what he's already been awarded by the court. As soon as he agreed she said she'd only meet if it was a face to face meeting, everyone around one table. My boyfriend's lawyer said 'hell no' - it just isn't done that way here. It's just more proof that she refuses to hear my boyfriend when he tells her he thinks she's crap and she still thinks that if she can get him alone for a few minutes he'll come running back to her.

I just needed to rant I guess

Comments

Rags's picture

I agree with Steperg.

The next time she fails to allow the girls to spend time with their father on his weekend ...... call the police and file kidnapping charges.

Make sure he always has an official copy of the court ordered visitation schedule so he can show the police she is in fact kidnapping his children.

Best regards,

PoisonApples's picture

We aren't in America but I am an American. My boyfriend is not.

Here, the police won't do a thing. We are waiting for a court date for an 'emergency' hearing on the breach of the access order but we've been waiting 2.5 months and no date in sight.

PAS isn't recognized here either even though she's definitely guilty of it.

Even when we get to court the most that will probably happen is the judge will tell her she really shouldn't be doing what she's doing. We're hoping to get more access ordered though.

Father's rights are a joke in Ireland.

iwishyouwould's picture

You need to document EVERYTHING if you havent already, and take this to court. By playing along with her, youre telling her that she can push you around. Take it to court - what she is doing is illegal.

Sia's picture

WOW, I had this whole big long response ready in my head.....until you said you were in Ireland..... I'm sorry that you and your BF have to go through this. This wouldn't last 10mins in America!

I have no advice for you b/c I don't know how it all works there. However, I can offer HUGS and understanding.

sweetness01's picture

Sounds like another jealous ex! I know it's easier said than done but dont waste your energy on her, instead just get on with your own life and focus on being a great mum to your kids Smile

kristiholt's picture

In todays stressful environment, it is extremely important to seek some sort of environment or stressbuster. Short jokes are an easy way of relieving ones Stress.

PoisonApples's picture

The spam brought this to the top. This blog is actually kind of old.

A lot has happened since. We took her to court for breach of the access order. Access was restored. The judge ordered that a family counselor be consulted and that the counselor would determine access. The counselor sided with SO. We got passports - finally - at the last minute but had to take her to court for that too. She threw many fits and made several ugly scenes along the way but in the end we all had a fun week in Paris. She called every morning at 9:00. I made sure the calls were very short.

The shoes she sent SD7 wearing were appalling. On one shoe the sole was only hanging on at the toe, if flopped around everytime she tried to walk. The other shoe had come apart from the bottom all down one side. It was pathetic. Luckily we keep a couple pairs of shoes for them at our house. We took photos of the shoes and added them to the photos of the other rags this deadbeat mother dresses her poor kids in.

Every week brings another solicitor letter with a new complaint from her. Once she claimed the childminder had said that she didn't want me on her property so I couldn't come along to pick the kids up anymore. I found that odd since I usually don't even get out of the car but the childminder usually comes to start a conversation with me. So, SO showed the letter to the childminder and she was livid. She said BM was lying, that she had never said any such thing.

In her court affidavit she claimed that SD7's teacher had told her that SD7 was crying at school all the time because she didn't want to come to our house. SO took the affidavit to the teacher to show her and the teacher was PISSED. She said it was totally untrue, that SD7 had NEVER cried at school and had never shown any signs of not wanting to come to our house. The teacher called BM to ask why she lied about her and BM responded by throwing a fit, saying SO had no right to show the teacher the affidavit! So, it's ok to lie about what the teacher said but it's no OK to tell the teacher that she was lied about in court documents. Weird how that woman thinks.

Now BM spends a lot of time whining about her solicitor bills, acting as if it's all OUR fault. Well duh! Maybe if she didn't breach court orders left and right she wouldn't have to pay her lawyers so much money!