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Don't know what to do!

peachymom's picture

Ok, so I'm so lost. DH just left with SS. We where watching a movie last night, I was feeding DD, and she spit up on me. I asked DH to get me a cloth to clean up. He said yeah in a minute. I go mad. Cuz thats what he does, just lays on the couch and watches tv. So I called him lazy and to get up, i was covered in milk. Well in turn he called me a C***. I hate that word, and he used to call me it all the time. So I smacked him. (Probably not the smartest thing) But I did. I had DD in my arms, when DH gets mad he gets really mad. So i tried to get up as quickly as I could do get upstairs. But he was too quick, and threw a beer bottle at me, while I was holding DD. So DD got coverd in beer. I tried to get away, but he pushed me down. I finally got away. I went up stairs to clean up DD. But had to come back down stairs to get a diaper. I left DD upstairs, who was crying hysaracally. I didn't say anything, but as I was heading back up the stairs, he threw something at my back, and cornered me against the window. (SS was in the room for all this he was crying too). I was finally able to get upstairs and calm DD down, and get her all cleaned up.
He hasn't been like this in a long time. DH used to use drugs alot. It was a big problem when we got together. But for some stupid reason I stayed with him. And I kept taking him back when ever something would go wrong. After we had DD things seemed to get better. But there was always something in the air. Like I'm walking on egg shells.
I can't afford to live with out him. I have $30 to my name, and so many bills. All my credit cards are way past due, and the bills are pilling so high. His next two paychecks would take care of it all. I just don't know how things got so bad so quickly.
It always seems to sprillal out of control when SS is here. All DH does is lay on the couch, if we try to talk to him, he just ignores us. But I can't afford not to have him here. No one knows our problems, well not to the extent of them. Before I could go to my parents, but now they moved to a condo that doesn't allow kids. I keep pictureing everyting getting better. and having the picture life. But nothing seems to get right.

Comments

goingcrazy's picture

In two weeks, your bilss will be paid but you and your baby may be dead. It doesnt matter what you have or how you think you cant make it without him. You can! You are bein abused, and take it from someone who also lived in two different abusive relationships.It is NOT ok and he wont change on his own.

If you do not have any friends or family that you can stay with, what about a shelter? Yes I know it seems terrible, but think of your child. The best thing would be to go stay with family and apply for services. I am not sure what is offered it Canada, but the US has help for food, housing, medical, employment. Take advantage of any assistance you can get. If you honestly love him and do not want to leave him, you explain to him (with someone else present and no children in the home) that you love him and want your marriage to work. But for the safety of you and the kids, you are asking him to get some help with his anger. He can change with help. I promise that. I have seen it first hand. But you both need to stay apart for a while until he can devote himself to some couseling and show you that he will no longer hurt you or your child. What if the beer bottle had it your baby? It hurt you, but it could have killed her. In the past three months here where I live, there have been seven cases of abuse that resulted in the death of the children involved. You need to make sure that your baby is not another statistic.

And I agree with Jade, you defintely need to let BM know what her son is being subjected to while visiting. Just having SS subjected to witnessing the verbal and physical abuse it destroying him. Again, I speak from personal experience. My SD has witnessed so much violent abuse while visiting her BM and GP's. She is screwed up to no end. It isnt fair. And you have the power to stop it. Be strong. You will always make it so long as you are alive to do so.

"I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on ebay."

everythinghappens4areason's picture

I had a 5 yr old, 3 year old and a 9 mth old when I left. I took a suitcase with our clothes and a box of papers/pictures. Everything else meant nothing, we got out with our lives. I had no where to go that would be safe for us but a woman's shelter. My father in law was the one that actually drove us there because he knew it was our only choice. I needed to be somewhere that people could help me cope with my feelings and not judge me. I needed somewhere that safety would not be an issue while I had time to put plans in place. I needed my kids to be safe. I needed a place that I knew we would have food and a roof over our heads because I think I only had 35 cents in my purse when we left. They helped me, counselled me, prepared me on how to keep the kids and I safe when we left there.
It feels like a lifetime ago now, its been 12 years and to this day I can honestly say that I still love him, the good side of him, the loving side.....but that if I ever went back I would probably not make it out alive again. Please leave and get help to stay away from him. You deserve to be treated with kindness, not beat. Your child deserves to be treated with kindness and not witness her mother being abused. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your baby.
Hugs,
Corie

Sita Tara's picture

I am not going to sugar coat this. You need to leave. This man is verbally and physically abusive to you. You can do it. They will help you.

I am a DVP advocate and perform for their benefits, and well as Eve Ensler's V-day events often. You are not alone. Other women have done it. You are worthy of so very much more. Please know there are people out there who will help in any way they can.

Send me a PM if you want and I will try to help you out locally.

Peace, love, and red wine

MamaJenn24's picture

and don't look back. If you stay, it will only get worse, not better. Take what you can in suitcases or plastic bags. If you have to take a cab to a shelter, do it and if you don't have any $$ to pay for it, call the shelter first and explain this and I'm sure they will pay for it when you get there. They are there for that reason...to help you. Take advantage of it. Take advantage of every thing you can.

If he comes crawling back? Kick him while he's down...not literally, but just make it very clear that one time is one time too many and he blew it. If you take him back, he'll think that he can get away with it over and over if you don't let him know that you're not about to put up with this unacceptable behavior, end of story.

Be safe and know that you have a support network in this website.

MamaJenn24

Some men are like martinis: dry, very cold and they think they are fabulous because of the two olives dangling down at the bottom of their swizzle stick...Anonymous