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HMMMMMMM?????? What would you do/think/feel if you found out your husband was reading your blogs?

Overwhelmed in Texas's picture

Hmmm, logged into the office computer when I got home today and found out my husband has been reading my blogs.....is this a good thing?

Feedback ladies?

Comments

Overwhelmed in Texas's picture

guess he'll find out I know soon eh?

mishsea's picture

I only started looking at these and posting a few comments yesterday, but I told my BF about it last night. I told him what I write about and some stuff that I read. We talk about pretty much everything, so it's no biggie. He knows that this future stepmom thing is all new to me. I struggle to understand how he deals with his son's mother - until I started reading these posts yesterday I was fairly convinced that she was actually the most insane woman on the face of the earth. You all have shown me that there are BM's out there who might actually be a little craizer than her.

My BF knows that this is new for me and that he can only provide certain levels of support so he's cool with me talking about/venting about/reading about anything I want to other sources. He can read them if he wants, although I doubt he wants to or has time. He is also pretty aware of whatever I might gripe about concerning him - I'm pretty much a "tell it like it is" in our relationship, but right now I have nothing to gripe about. He's pretty freakin' great.

If you're talking to your partner about your frustrations and using this as a side source of support, I don't see what the big deal is.

If you're posting things you're keeping secret from him, then maybe it's a bigger deal.

Overwhelmed in Texas's picture

good points, I don't think I've written anything here that I haven't told him...I did tell him I was blogging, but kind of surprised me to see he was reading everything I wrote...makes me feel a little weird...

OldTimer's picture

Can't ignore me now, can you? It's how I feel. So, how does it may YOU feel, honey? You ready to talk, I sure have been...

Wink StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

OldTimer's picture

All with a smile and sweetly...

Wink StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

Rae's picture

And I agree. And Texas, I hope he reads your blogs and "gets it!" I hope your anguish gets through to him, and he makes some changes before it's truly too late. So I think it may be a good thing he found your blogs.

Overwhelmed in Texas's picture

Well.....guess you are right about that one!!!!

Candice's picture

1. He should know how you feel about being a sm and all the struggles you TWO will face in your marriage dealing with his ex, I don't believe you should hold secrets and not keep him informed.

2. On the flip note, we all need places to journal our uncensored feelings, meaning, we come here, vent and sometimes we write knowing others aren't going to judge us, even though how we feel might sound selfish, insecure, or thoughtless to others. This is a very theraputic place to visit for a lot of people b/c we have the ability to write down how we feel knowing we aren't going to be judged by close family members, or so we think. If you continue to blog knowing that during your bf's private time he is going to hunt down your blogs, you will begin to censor your feelings and thoughts, and you won't actually be able to find the peace you are searching for b/c you won't be venting your true feelings.

I personally don't have any issues with others reading my thoughts, but I do really value this place as MY private place, and not for my family members to check up on me to see what I am saying. This place is for me to vent out my frustrations, find support and the inner peace I am looking for, and that is it. After all, this place is taking the brunt of my bitchiness instead of my dh, so it's to his benefit that he allows me my private space.

Decide whether or not you like him reading your blogs, and let him know what you want...

Good luck,
Candice

Chocoholic's picture

off of this site all the time. Sometimes when I leave the computer he will sit down for a few minutes and read over the postings. I think he really enjoys getting insight into other couple's lives that are similar to ours. Some of his points have been validated in posts as well as some of mine. DH also has my sign in name and password.... I've welcomed him many times to get on chat, I did ask him to identify himself when he signs on.... (maybe as chocoholic aholic?)

Bonus Wife's picture

and I was shocked that he had checked the history on my computer. Why I wondered? I certainly never hid anything from him - he knows exactly how I feel about all these issues for the most part.

The blog he read was the one where I gave an account of having to have dinner with the ex. And like most of you, he knows how I feel so I felt that it was harmless sharing my experiences with all of you. But, he thinks things sound much worse on paper than in "reality" and maybe that's true.

He thinks we sound like a bunch of disgruntled wives...I laughed..But why shouldn't I be disgruntled? Not once did I ever make him have to put up with half the things I had to...for the sake of his kids...not once did I lie to him to "protect his feelings," not once did I make him break bread with my ex - who is not an enemy by any means!

(That does sound angry, but I'm really not...just stating facts.)
In any case, he was not happy to read my blogs.

Now I have my computer at home password protected.

Overwhelmed in Texas's picture

....we ARE a bunch of disgruntled wives...at least some of the time!

Cruella's picture

Everything I have said online have been discussed with him. He knows how I feel. He just won't like it that it is in black and white.

laughterandtears's picture

To put his big boy panties on and deal with it.

My DH has looked over my shoulder a few times and never says anything, and I tell him a few things I read on here if they hit home with me. I think he's just glad he doesn't have to hear it.

~THE EXERCISE THAT REALLY CHANGES YOUR LIFE IS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE~

Cruella's picture

I will have to remember that one LOL!

luvdagirl's picture

Part of me thinks that its a nice gesture that he wants to know what your thinking the other part thinks that it seems a little infringing on your ability to truly vent. I guess its what he does with the info once he has it that will let you know.

Catch22's picture

I was going to blog but I totally agree with Candice...parts 1 and 2. It's a fine line but if you're using this site to truly vent and heal then you should offer to show him if thats what you want but I think looking up history and so forth is shitty and it would annoy me. Lucky for me DH wouldn't know how to switch it on let alone look up history. Although he knows I come to the site and I tell him MOST of what I read/post Smile

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*

goingcrazy's picture

First of all, I NEVER would have imagined looking at the history on DH's computer until he gave me a valid reason not to trust him. Then I checked it SOOOOO often and found all sorts of crap. So for him to look around and check up on you is wrong of him unless you have given him a reason ot to trust you. Maybe the lack of sex got him thinking there was something else going on. God forbid that it is him causing the lack of sex, right!!!!!

Second, I would have no problem with DH reading my posts because when I typing here that I want a divorce or SD is on my last nerve (old posts ladies,,, adn Steve) He knows I feel like this BEFORE it is posted. He knows all about the Forum. I talk about you guys to him and I worry about you guys and express this to him. Gosh, there are some of you that he probably feels he knows because I tell him. I am usually on the laptop next to him typing and he thinks it is good that I have somewhere to vent. I could not come here and talk trash about him and SD without him being aware. It is an honesty and respect thing.

On the upside, now maybe your DH will get a reality check. Has he acted differently or said anything yet??? Everything happens for a reason. I hope this helps your relationship.

Mom on the Edge's picture

I'm not sure how I would feel about my fiance reading my blogs. I posted my first blog because I am upset about how our family relationship is going and how it is affecting my children. He knows about it somewhat but not totally (not about the fact that I sometimes consider leaving). If I can come here to vent and bitch and then feel better about it, I don't feel the need to create an issue with him. Besides, it gets old after a while bitching about the same things all the time to him. He can only take so many complaints about his children. I know my boys aren't saints but having someone actually TELL me that again and again would get on my nerves after a while. If he already knows how you feel about everything than I guess it wouldn't be much of an issue. However, if you come here to vent to avoid an argument with him then I think he should respect your privacy. Just my opinion, but I am also one of those people who doesn't talk about my feelings with the person I'm closest to if I think it may hurt their feelings, so I may not be the best one to comment on this.....

Chocoholic's picture

I'm cracking up about your "big boy panty" comment! I'm going to have overly use that comment!

Anne 8102's picture

It wouldn't bother me a bit. My DH knows I post here and if he wanted to read my posts, he could certainly do it. I don't know... maybe he has. Usually, by the time I'm fed up enough to post here, I've already said it to him umpteen million times, so it's just a regurgitation of what he's already heard. No big deal for me. If he doesn't want to know the raw, unvarnished truth, then he shouldn't read it. If I wanted to keep it a secret, I wouldn't post it on the freaking internet.

~ Anne ~

"Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries."
(Truman Capote)

OldTimer's picture

The other thing, my DH will often snarl at me You talkin with those ladies at that Step-whatever-place again?

Yeah

Than he usually rolls his eyes and walks away... I don't think he really WANTS to know... LOL.

Wink StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

Anne 8102's picture

AREN'T THEY ALL?! Wink I love this description!

~ Anne ~

"Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries."
(Truman Capote)

Tired2's picture

I too come here to simply throw my raw feelings out. I would never tell my husband some of the things that I've said here....like I hate my SD. These are things that are better left unsaid because once you say them out loud....you can never take them back. Of course I don't mean it all of the time....just when I'm pissed off and ranting and raving. My life isn't all terrible or I wouldn't stay. I am a disgruntled wife! But most of the time I am a very happily married woman who just hasn't adjusted very well to "guilt parenting" and being a step mother to a child (11) like this. If I don't come here to spew the poisonous things that I do I would likely say something that I would regret in the long run and I'm not about to do that.

Imustbcrazy's picture

I only blog at work, so my DH has no clue about this webiste. Sometimes I want to tell him about things that are discussed, but I don't want him to think that I obsess over BM. He laready thinks that... so I need to fuel for that fire, you know what I mean?? However, it would not be the end of the world if he did find it. He is very well aware of my feelings on the subject. He in most cases he agrees with me, yet he is a very private person, so he may be angry that I air our dirty laundry to the webworld. Hmmmm, we all need a place to vent I am sure he would be more satisfied with the fact that I vent to you all instead of making him hear it time and time again.

Daddys Gurl-

Life is as sweet as you sweeten it.

Imustbcrazy's picture

I just read my last entry and I am officially a retard. That's all there is to it.

Daddys Gurl-

Life is as sweet as you sweeten it.

happy mom's picture

I probably wouldn't care either if my husband found out, good if he read what I say cause that's how much I despise this beast.

-happy mom

Hi, I just found this site, but wanted to note here. I host my blog on my website, my husband knows abouts it and reads it daily. He is also normally my top commenter. I have found that there are times when I just can't put feelings into words to speak, so I blog them. He reads, I know he does, and he can get a sense of what is wrong. He also knows when I have a bad day and tends to come home with something from the snack bar at work for me (most chocolate).