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SDs ganging up on SM

ohbother's picture

ok. The 16 yo SDs have ramped up talking about and calling the BM all day long when they are with us.
I try so hard not to react and now I know for sure its the BM behind it.
HOW do I handle this?
I was going to sit them down during a calm moment and say" I know u have a great relationship with your mom, I'm happy.for you really.. she's ur family but not mine.
Im uncomfortable in our (including them) household when you call her during car rides, tell us her every move etc. Im uncomfortable with it and i want it to stop.
But i would say it matter of factly and not mad.
Will this work? Im at wits end. can't ignore because its obvious and constant.(now they know its annoying)
help!

ps DH is really good at backing me up but i think its up to me not him?

Comments

Willow2010's picture

YOU don’t say anything. They will twist YOUR words and make you look like a jealous lunatic. Trust me on this. 16yo girls are the worst.

How often do you have them? 50/50 or every other weekend?

Your DH needs to shut this crap down asap. And he does not need to actually have a sit down convo with them to do it. Every time they call BM (or anyone) while in a group at your house or in the car, your DH needs to tell them to leave the room to speak on the phone. If in the car, your DH needs to tell them they cannot call people and talk while you are all in the car. DON’T let him make you the reason for this though.

They are being rude no matter who they are talking too.

hereiam's picture

Why do you think it's up to you and not your husband? He should be teaching them some manners and phone etiquette.

You said in your other blog that you think they are intentionally trying to hurt you, so they will probably just love hearing how uncomfortable you are with all of it.

Twix's picture

If this is their intent I wouldn't say anything to them.... it seems like that's what they want. Do your best to ignore (tough I know).

I like what other posters suggested about rules for their phone use. Something like social calls be done in a private area. If I get a call from say my sister and it's more than a 2 minute confirming plans call, I excuse myself and go chat in private. No one needs to sit around listening to someone's phone call. But DH needs to set this and enforce it, does he have your back on this one?

Edit: just read your DH is good at backing you up, sorry I missed that. But no it's not on you, it's on DH to teach them manners. It would be rude no matter who they were talking to.

oneoffour's picture

Me being me would tell them that they obviously need privacy and they can go to their rooms and talk as long as they want. And if they won't, start singing.

Make it a car rule for EVERYONE. No conversation for more than 2 minutes unless it is an emergency. If they ignore you, pull the car and ask them to step out of the car because they certainly would not want you hearing all their private conversation with their mother. Or turn up whatever radio system you use after 3 minutes and sing... loudly.

Don't tell them you feel uncomfortable. Tell them they need privacy when talking on the phone. Make it all about them and their privacy and not a thing about you. }:)

Acratopotes's picture

pffft ignore it and stop feeling threatened...

In the car, turn the radio really up and say, oh I like this song, I want to listen to this story, news what ever... if it's a commercial say, Oh I know this person through internet......

in the house, play music loud, make a noise..... grab your phone, fake call a friend and talk like it's no one's business, very loud and laugh, turn up the TV cause you are watching what ever on it and want to hear,..they will re treat to their rooms

My specialty when Aergia did this, I would make comments to her during her talks with BM.....

Aergia did you tell mum about......
No Aergia that's not true why are you telling stories to your mother....

After day 2 she stopped lol and I never heard her talking again to BM, only in her room....

If you tell the brats it makes you feel uncomfortable, you hand them the power to do it more and more and push you away, that's what they are trying to do, but if you play along and pretend it does not bother you they re treat to their rooms.... and do this even if they talk to their friends,

I once asked Aergia, loud enough for her friend to hear, please take your blood stained panties and shoes off the dining room table or should I serve dinner with it....

Kes's picture

I agree with Willow. They would be absolutely delighted if you said something which confirms they are making you uncomfortable, their Dad needs to deal with it.

My SDs, when they were teens, used to delight in having conversations at the dinner table, loudly and animatedly, about things/people I knew nothing about and could not join in with the talk. Their Dad never said anything. I often used to just eat my food, then get up and leave the table, go do something else.