Do I say I do?
I've been with my bf for 2 and a half years now. We live together in a small apartment along with his 6 year old son. My bf is Full time dad with the BM in the picture very seldom. Over the years I've gown to love his son as family but I'm starting to wonder if I like him and can actually see myself spending my life as his step mother. He is a very bad and disturbed child, which I know is not his fault. Although his father has tried to provide for him his upbringing thus far has been very unstable. He screams at the top of his lungs constantly and he can not listen to save his life. I really think there is something wrong with him. That he may have ADD or something of that sort. I'm sue his teachers would agree but his father and grandmother are in complete denial. As I'm the one who spend sthe most time with him I think I'm the best to judge. I don't have any children of my own but I love children. I have nieces and nephews that I constantly keep but none of them drive me crazy like my bf son. He terrorizes and destroys everything he comes into contact with. I'm coming to my wits end. I don't even want to say anything to him because he just annoys me with everything he does. I feel so bad about the feelings I've grown to have because he really can be a sweet kid and respects me as he would his own mother, but he just doesn't know how to be normal. I keep thinking it will get better as he gets older but it's only getting worst. I have a feeling his father will be proposing very soon and all I can think about is how great it would be if he lived with his mother and we only had him on the weekends. I honestly think that's why she doesn't get him alot. He's just a terror. If I say yes now will I regret it later?
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If there is even a part of
If there is even a part of you that is unsure, I would postpone the wedding. But, at the same time, you cannot let a child define your relationship with your BF. Have you suggested the BF get some help for SS?
Thanx for responding. yes,
Thanx for responding. yes, I've made a few suggestions but he is really in denial. I keep trying to tell him it doesn't mean that SS is slow, he's actually a very smart little boy. He just needs some sort of therapy or maybe medication. I feel ill equipped and neither one of has the patience that SS may require.
I have been with my boyfriend
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years as well and he brought up marriage but I keep telling him no and to wait. And my reasons are because of his kids. We get the every other weekend and that is enough for me. They are 14 and 17 and I still have this fear that one day they will end up on our door step with no where to go and I will feel obligated to stay and help IF we were married. So NOT being married helps me to not feel trapped if this situation occurs. I guess if you are even questioning it then don't do it. I questioned my first marriage and three years later divorced. So follow what you really feel.
* smart woman
* smart woman
But if that's the answer why
But if that's the answer why even stay together? That means I would have to leave him and I love him so much.
Well I guess you need to
Well I guess you need to think and ask yourself can you live without your BF the rest of your life?
I wouldn't want to live with
I wouldn't want to live with out him and I admire his responsibility for being a full time dad. I'm just not sure if I can sacrifice my happiness. I'm going insane.
Yes, you will probably regret
Yes, you will probably regret it. I think most stepmothers end up feeling some feelings of regret after being around for a while. For me, even though it is rough with the kids, the love I have for their father is enough for me to deal with it. You will need to come to terms with the fact that the child is probably not going anywhere...if you can't deal with that and his father's denial...then you should probably leave, for your own sanity.
If I were you, I would try as much as I possibly could to get the father to realize that there may be something wrong with the child. And it's unfair for him to be in denial while you're the one spending the most time with the child.
I believe our love is strong
I believe our love is strong which is why I've stayed this long. My fear is that it will only get worst and my sanity and potential marriage will be the one left in ruins.
I don't know what else to do to make bf see we need professional help. I will keep trying for the sake of love.
I do not accept BF's proposal
I do not accept BF's proposal for the same reason. Too scared of being trapped. It's not him, it's his kids. I'd rather stay the way we are for now so I don't lose my sanity!
Not being married right now is sad, because I love BF very much, but keeping things the way they are at least lets us be together and I don't have to feel quite so shoved aside by his kids when it's partly my choice to remain a little distant in my relation to them for now. I also fear the regret that will come later. I also fear the loss of what could have been with him if I don't.
It's hard, but marriage is a huge deal and when there are kids involved, it's even more huge. Wait until you are sure. I know- advice from someone afraid of that plunge might not be good advice, but I got it here and I believe it!