It is all over but the dying...
After yet another episode of my stepdaughter's endless parade of lies, I took advantage of a little free time to type something not-so-nice into an internet search engine about stepchildren. Which brings me here. The sad thing about this site is that I see so many wonderful parents on a track heading straight for the train I've already encountered with my soon 28 year old stepdaughter. I met her father when she was 8.
As much as I would like to say I am here to seek help, I'm not. I've been through it all. I've seen it all, heard it all, put up with it all, and somehow managed to keep somewhat sane and out of jail. But it isn't over yet.
I would love to say my story is fabricated. It would be great to say we're on to better roads. But what is in store for me is no doubt going to be the icing on this ever-growing gigantic cake of crap they call step parenting.
From allegations against my son of molesting her, to accusations against me of physically beating her and everything in between. "Daddy, I'm your only child." "Remember, Daddy, I'm the only daughter you ever had." and "I'm your only real child, Daddy." are permanently etched into my eardrums. Trust me, hubby and I have nothing, but she reminds us on a regular basis that it should 'be all hers'. Keep in mind, hubby and I met when my two sons were but 3 and 8.
The gooey sweet, fake baby talk voice is always an indicator that lies are to follow. And then it comes out of her mouth. "Daddy". I just cringe when I hear this.
So after twenty years, what could possibly be the problem? Here is a perfect example:
She was married. We loved the guy. All is well. Or so we thought. The next thing we know, her husband is calling to tell us the story. She cheated on him. She's pregnant. Father unknown. Lost the baby (doubt one actually existed in the first place), divorced the guy we liked, and then it was one guy after another. So two weeks ago, out of the blue, after little to no contact, she wants to have lunch with us. Haven't seen or heard from her in months and months, she shows up with the guy she had an affair with. Three days later, she tells DH that she is getting married, and wants him to pay for it all. Hubby told her he could not afford it, but he does plan to give her a little bit of cash.
My jaw still hurts from gritting my teeth. The wedding is Saturday night.
- NOTYOURMOM's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I have a 27 year old SS. I
I have a 27 year old SS. I spend very little time with him. I see him for maybe 15 minutes every few months. Although he was just here for 3 days. But I still managed to mostly avoid him.
She's an adult not a small child you have to have in your home. Yes you need to go to the wedding. Grin and bear it for a night - much like I did the last 3 days.
Just tell your DH that you don't want to be with her, talk to her, talk about her, etc.
^^This^^ was my first
^^This^^ was my first thought.
I'm no wedding etiquette expert, but I thought tradition (or what have you) only dictates the bride's family is to pay for the first wedding. :? I could be very wrong here, but I don't see why daddy (and SM) should have to pay for her subsequent marriages. Hell, I paid for my own wedding, with not a dime from my parents or DH's family. Of course, we did it cheap & went to Vegas! }:)
There was no first wedding,
There was no first wedding, actually. She showed up at my husband's job and announced she was getting married, but there would be no wedding. He gave her cash. This seems to be an easy avenue. Daddy, I'm getting married, pay up.
I'd love to post more, but have to head out for work. Talk later this evening.
I(and my husbands) paid for
I(and my husbands) paid for both my weddings. No reason at all your DH has to pay, but it would probably be diplomatic to go. After that, as oldone said, you have no obligation to have her in your house or anywhere near you.
Oh. This is good to see.
Oh. This is good to see. }:)
YaYa Sisterhood of Double Decade Longevity StepMonsters.
I love it.
As for the lunch funding, naturally, hubby pulled out the payment.
She 'resisted', pulling out a few dollars from her purse, saying
"We didn't want you to pay for it, Dad, we have money. I have eight dollars."
We were NOT at a dollar burger joint, mind you.
SA love that Yaya Sisterhood
SA love that Yaya Sisterhood comment
I would never in a million
I would never in a million years have the cajones to ask my dad to pay for his grown ass daughter to marry a grown ass man.
I'm pretty sure he would laugh his grown ass ass off.
I absolutely LOVED your post.
I absolutely LOVED your post. Grown ass. LOL!
If only. She was taught well
If only.
She was taught well by her mother, who is now six feet under due to
her drug habit of sharing dirty needles.
Welcome and I'm so sorry to
Welcome and I'm so sorry to hear about this. It makes those of us with teenaged (or younger) SD's cringe thinking we have no end to the long line of bullshit we've already endured.
If your DH plans to fund this woman's second wedding, then he's the problem for enabling her to use him like an ATM and only come around or be nice to him when she wants money. If he can't see that or his guilt is overriding his common sense, I don't see an end to it.
Don't have any miraculous advice for you, just solidarity. My SD is only 14 but the shit she's pulled over the past 2+ years of mine and her father's relationship could send the most steel hearted woman running for the hills. Why I've remained is a question I've been asked a lot. My only answer is because her father is my prince charming and put his foot down early, putting our relationship and marriage first.
Good luck
Love it, and I completely
Love it, and I completely agree. The only time we see her is truly when she wants something, and then it's coated with sugar and sweetness, and I miss you, love you, blah, blah, blah.
When she initially asked for money, he told her no. Yesterday, her other sister (no relation, but was SD to hubby years ago) called him to ask what was wrong, why he wouldn't pay for her cake. This blew DH out of the water. What cake? Who asked anything about a cake? She showed up and wanted money, talking about a sudden wedding. Who knew she meant in the next ten minutes?
This morning, I was able to get him to talk some more. He is willing to chip in, but that is it.
He said we will show up and be nice, but then leave. We are not going to the impromptu reception, and neither is her other sister. This will give her ammunition to lie to her husband and his family. "See, they don't love me, they don't care..." - along with tears and sobbing.
I am going to make sure DH gives her money in front of someone, so she can't say what we are expecting. "Dad didn't give me anything for my wedding."
I'll remind her that since DH will be present at this wedding, he is giving her AWAY. To her HUSBAND. It is HIS job to deal with her now. Not ours. Not her father's.
Good deal, Notyourmom! Smart
Good deal, Notyourmom! Smart that he has a witness so DH doesn't get raked over the coals even after he gave her money.
Good luck with that. It sounds to me like you're in this for the long haul and a long road it'll be unless SD gets married and stops bothering DH altogether (one can only hope and dream, right?)