this is more of a vent but happy for any advice for me or my BF.

I have been with my bf for 3 years. WE are in our 40's. We moved in together a year ago. He has 3 girls (11, 14, 16) and I have two boys (5, &7). The kids get along great. I don't have major issues with his kids except they have no chores or any consequenses. They are with us, well, randomly. Was 50% of the time then they choose to live with us full time but that set their mom off and she is a constant nightmare. when they are here she is calling (she got them all cells so she could text them and call them) and stirring things up. She puts down everything about their dad. She had been caught having an affair for a couple of years before he found out. She isn't home in the evenings or week-ends. She gets full child support even though we handle most expenses then tells her kids she has no money if they ask her for something. (ex, she would not buy them nail clippers) as she downs her 4th starbucks of the day.

The problem seems to be that my BF gets drawn into the drama. When his kids are with us he is dealling with the drama their mom stirs up and when they are not here she is finding something everyday. She will not communicate with him dreictly and they have to go through a lawyer...yep, thousands and thousands of $'s spent already. Her folks bought her a house and her BF (whom she had cheated with) lives there too. Of COurse they don't work now..they have all the money from my BF.

My BF needs to stand up to her, yes. He is so scared if he sends the girsl to live with his ex that she will totally destroy any relationship he has with them through her parental alienation. I feel that he could still see them but less frequently and make it quality. When they are adults they can make their own choices of how they feel. I am worried he is going to have a heart attack or stroke if this keeps up. When the girls come over even his nose starts to bleed from his blood pressure.

There are no guarantees in life. He is emotionally and physically not there for myself and my children when he has his girls with us, and when he doesn't now too because ex is interfering. Plus he travels 10 days a month. I guess I have to let him decide if he wants to continue our relationship but it has to be a relationship. I don't know if he can not have his girls on a regular basis and not feel guilty about enjoying his time with us or building a life together. It's not fair for me or my boys who look at him as a father as their dad moved far away and rarely sees them.

I guess I should just step away and let him be with his children and deal with his ex if that's his chocie.