BM is giving problems with scheduling!
I am getting married to DH is October...we have been trying to plan out the next couple of months. Our wedding is out of town (my hometown) and we have alot of going back and forth to do. DH has shared parenting with BM, he is supposed to get the kids Sunday, Monday, Thursdays, and one Saturday a month. Well, we have discovered that sometimes what was written down on paper almost 2 years ago doesn't exactly apply now. BM wanted to start getting SS5 and SD9 one Sunday a month, which was fine with us because we would like to have a Sunday "off" once in awhile! We also started realizing that the Thursday thing wasn't so great. When school is in, they come here after school, eat, homework, bath, go to bed, go to school the next morning and then they are with their mom after that. It is too much "bed jumping" as we call it! Not to mention, I work from the house and DH is a chef so he works busy, long hours. During the summer on Thursdays, I have been watching the Skids from like 11 AM to 4 PM when DH gets home. Which I didnt' have a problem with at first UNTIl we decided that maybe 2 Thursdays a month would be better, instead of every Thursday. She verbally agreed to it, but it has not happened yet, and there are only 2 weeks left until school starts!!
So...back to what I was saying about alot of stuff going on these next few months. We made a schedule the beginning of July for July and August, with dates that we needed to switch, etc. She disregarded it and kept going by what she said wanted to do. She called us 2 weeks ago and says that she wants the kids for 10 days because her and her boyfriend are on vacation and he will have his kids and they want to do stuff with them. DH said FINE, but as long as she compromises with us and what we want too. She sends the skids back with a new schedule for August, completely disregarding what we had asked for. She has once again completely ruined my plans!!
DH has said that he is going to put his foot down and handle it but he always says that, and she always wins! I am waiting for him to do it...it's been 2 days and nothing yet, I can't even plan out my week!!!!!!!!!!! Please, can someone give some advice?!!
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Expect
Expect this to get worse right before the wedding, and for it to balloon completely after you are married. Our BM did this last year -- we came back from our honeymoon to a sh*tstorm of her BS that lasted almost a year. Then we got a couple of months of her acting her age, followed by the last week of her starting her BS again. The ex-husband's remarriage seems to send unstable BMs into orbit. Good luck with getting your DH to grow a pair -- he'll need it. Tell him what I said about how much worse it gets after marriage, and that if he doesn't do it now, it will be much harder after you tie the knot.
BB
- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)
Go to mediation or court
it's your only chance to get anything done in writing and hold her accountable.
When DH and I were getting married she decided that she wasn't taking SS at all just to try and ruin our wedding (we were eloping in Hawaii). The only way you can hold her in contempt is if you have a court order if not then you are out of luck as it's not legal.
Encouraging...
Thank you so much! I am nervous because we are going to have the SKids for one week for the wedding, and BM is going to have them for the week after so that we can go on a honeymoon...we hope!!!! I can only hope that it doesn't get worse!! Yes, DH needs to grow a set because I can't take it anymore!!!!!!!!! I am going to go crazy!!!
make back-up plans!
We had to make back-up plans for someone else to watch SS when we went to Hawaii and ended up having to use them so if I were you I would make plans to have someone else watch the kids if BM decides not to take them.
going to court...
We have discussed going back to court with her on numerous occassions. Everytime we do, she agrees to it and then things start to get better because we know it's because she doesn't want to put up the court costs!
good luck
all bm drama gets way worse after you are married and then if you have kids, look out. But I agree hsve back up plans, always.
She's doing it because you're getting married
And she wants to ruin things. Yes, have a back up plan by all means but also, DH needs to learn to say no. If she wants to change plans, tell her no. From now on, just stick to the schedule that is in the court documents. He needs to be firm about this. Is there a relative that can help watch the skids on your days if you'll be gone? DH's mother stayed at our house to watch skids during our honeymoon.
MIL really made a sacrifice for us. She doesn't really like skids either because they are so nasty and spoiled--just like BM. But she did it for us anyway.
Lastly, every time BM pulled her stupid BS, I made sure she suffered for it financially and/or otherwise. It's a good way to discourage that type of behavior.
"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"
It gets worse right before the wedding
I agree that the psycho behavior gets worse right before the wedding. Our BM was telling us that we needed to be "flexible" with the schedule meaning give her exactly what she wants. My DH jumps at all of the extra time that she "allows" him to spend with SS9 above and beyond the schedule in the decree, and she will threaten that the extra time is a priviledge that she could take it away if he is not "flexible".
First off....congrats!
DONT let this get in the way of being happy about your upcoming wedding! That is what BM is trying to do! Ours did the same thing with the schedule; taking the kids whenever, dictating to DH when he could have them (we have 50/50 but no formal court ordered schedule) etc. Right after DH and I got married, I swear she would change days just to be difficult.
Call her bluff. You say that she will agree to something in an effort to avoid court. I would have a lawyer draw up a legal stipulation that draws out the placement schedule in writing. Tell her she can either sign it, or go to court. Period!
Maybe she'll agree to play nice, and you'll have the schedule fixed which means when she starts her crap again you'll have documentation from a court supporting you.
Good luck
"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get me"