NEW 2 ME
Not only step talk is new 2 me so is this dealing with 4 grown step kids. Their ages range from 24 to 33.I dont where to begin there is so much to talk about. I came across this website b/c I have 2 grown step sons who recently came to live us. I thought I'm the only person living in horror but I see there are alot of step parents having the same problems as I do. I'm 39 and the BF is 51. I have a 16 yrs old daughter who lives with us parttime.(she didn't want to switch school so she lives with my mom until she gets her license).We have been together for 4 yrs. and doing the relationship his kids always call him for money. They all live in another state and he goes to visit them and I've been a couple of time. His kids are happy if dad is happy. They don't disrespect me at all. The problem I have is they are MOST needing adults I ever know. On several occassion he went to visit them and I didn't go. Well its like CHRISTMAS when he go to visit he takes all them out to eat(RED LOBSTER)thats including grandkids and their wife or significant other. He buys grocery for his daughter who a single parent of one. He have also taken them to get haircuts and etc.. Thats just what I know I can just imagining what I dont. What I trying to say is BF goes to visit his kids and they think dad has all this money b/c of the way he treats them when he go visit. I really think they thought Dad has a good life. January of this year, he told me his son (24)wants to live with us and he is bring his son (1).WTF!! When I tried to tell BF that it will be best for SS to leaving the baby there until he get on his feet like getting a job. He got upset with me telling no one are asking you to do anything. Let me remind you ,BF and I arent married and we both work at the same place and we both work 12 hours shift that rotate from days to nights. We didnt buy grocery most of the time we just buy what we going to cook that day and it work for us. When his son and grandson came oh we got to go get grocery not me I didnt do anything b/c we cant afford these exta mouths. He went and spent over $300 in grocery and let me tell you the SS dont cook either he don't know how or he just dont.
I dont know their plans I just be told whats what and suppose to walk around here smiling well I'm not smiling. The SS was to get a job with BF and he took the drug test for the job and didnt pass. BF was so embarrassed that he stuck his neck out for his son and got slapped in the face. NOW no job and no money Well in meantime baby need diapers and SS need gas and etc and etc. BF made sure everything he needed he got it. MEN only have a short term mind while we women think about whats ahead of us!! I didn't know at first the plan was to take the baby back to his mother for 30 days and when her time is up he gone back and pick up the baby.(GREAT PLAN!! STUPID)this is a 7 hrs drive and SS dont have the funds to do this but BF does. When SS(24) takes the baby back Well he came back with his (30)yrs brother. YES,I have 2 grown ass adult step sons here. This now July and SS(24) in school and finally got a job (havent got his 1st paycheck just letting you know how long he been here without a job).Lets talk about the (30) SS. He been here every since February and he was to get a job with BF and he didn't pass the background check and he been jobless every since and not even looking. I'm so overwhelm and I can't do this any more. They came here BF have set no guidelines, no rules and no deadlines.WTF!! :sick:
They constantly asking for money and they don't deserve it. They don't cook,clean or even cut the damn grass. Sometime there is no freaking clean towels to take a bath with and they eat and drink up everything doesn't matter who bought. One day I just told him that I didnt like the way are around here and he agreed and he was going to have a talk with them. Well nothing changed. While he taking care of these two here the daughter still call for money and he also help his mother too. Where is all this money coming from? I know he doesnt have any b/c in between pay periods he cant afford him no cigarettes for himself. Sometime I think I need to get out now b/c this isn't going to get any better. BF just don't know how to say no. We are suppose to get marry next year and I'm not going to marry him and these 2 GROWN ASS MEN is still here. HELP!!!
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omg, this scares me because I
omg, this scares me because I have a SD12 and SS11 and my light at the end of the tunnel is when they turn 18.... but I'm seeing that the nonsense continues and continues... UGH! and I hate to say it but it sounds like you need to run for the hills while you can still get out fairly easily. Best of luck!
Hi New2Me, I feel your pain.
Hi New2Me, I feel your pain. DH and I have been married for over a year, and SS25 has lived with us the ENTIRE time. He works only part time, and does not contribute one CENT financially. Pays no rent, no utilities, buys no groceries, nothing. DH even pays his car insurance still. This kid has NO desire to get a job and better himself at all. DH and I are expecting twins in the fall, so we are hoping that SS25 will get sick of hearing babies cry and get off his ass and do something. I'm just like you - I've tried talking to DH, but nothing ever gets done. I've come to terms with the fact that DH is NEVER going to enforce any rules or deadlines. This grown child will live with me until one of two things happens: 1) He actually learns some responsibility on his own and takes control of his life. 2)I kick them both out because I'm tired of being a maid to SS25. My situation is hopeless, unfortunately. Good luck with yours. Maybe if you set some rules before you marry him your situation will turn out better than mine.
You and I are in almost
You and I are in almost identical situations, just add approx. 10 years to each participant's age
March 2009 I finally agreed to move in with FH. Come June 2009 he had 2 of his sons living there, ages are now 45 & 34, plus the 34 y/o had his girlfriend with him.
Same type of bs, they didn't pay for ANYTHING!!! I was staying with FH but still had my place so at least I had an option there. Here we are one year later, he kicked all of them out several months ago but within days the 45y/o was back. No discussion with his dad, he had keys and just moved back in. The upsetting part is that FH allowed this. I'll tell you this is not how I want to live my life and have serious doubts about the future with ths man that I trully love.
When I was staying there and after the adult kids moved in, I told FH that I did not support taking care of adults who did not do anything for themselves and that I would not contribute one cent towards the household with the exception of groceries for FH and me. Even that didn't work though because just like with your house there, these adults would use up everything.
Damn...it is so disturbing how these adults think they can just live off of other's hard work.
I can go on and on here because this subject really gets me fired up.
Advice: Do not finance these adults laziness.
I agree with DaizyDuke- i was
I agree with DaizyDuke- i was looking forward to 18 and out of the house....i never considered them moving back in!!!! I feel your pain and i'm now sick to my stomach because they're lazy and dont' do anything as teenagers, i don't want to do this same shit with them as adults!!!!
Good Luck!
This situation seems very
This situation seems very one-sided like your BF calls all the shots and you have no say what happens in your own home? That's not right. And his sons sound like pieces of work. One does drugs and the other must have a criminal record. Pathetic. Take care of yourself and find a guy who will treat you like a partner not the live-in squeeze.
Thanks for all the comments.
Thanks for all the comments. We sometimes let love blinds us from what really going on in right in front of our eyes. My BF is a kind hearted and a hard working man. I dont mind him giving his grown kids money if it was extra money. Right now his bank account is overdrawn b/c he trys to save the world and in meantime he sinking in a hole and soon or later he's not going to be able to get out. In between pay period when he doesnt have a penny I've given him money and SS24 comes and ask for gas money and he gives him some of the money I just gave him. One day BF and I was talking and he told me he was paying SS30 cellphone bill.WTF!!The SS24 has a car and dont pay the insurance.SS24 also have different girls over to spent the night. SO finally I said enough is enough and told BF this is very disrespectful and he dont pay any bills in here for him to do what he wants.BF talked to him . BF call them 'boys' it really irritates me when he do that. I tell him they are MEN not BOYS. Do you think maybe thats why he treat them the way he do b/c he sees them as his liitle boys?