I'm experiencing schadenfreude!
So this is a skid weekend. They've spent spring break with their mother. She didn't plan or do anything with them (other than pretend to be sick to get out of work yeterday, apparently), which is a non-issue for us. We usually don't do anything for spring break, either. Anywho, we knew there was something going on because SD called her dad on Tuesday to talk, but since BM montiors calls to us, she couldn't speak freely.
When she arrived last night, she wanted to talk, but we were on our way to dinner. You could see how stressed she was just from looking at her. When she finally had us alone, she told us that BM and her husband of not quite 4 years are divorcing. And, BM, in all her glory, told SD not to tell DH until the summer. And SS doesn't know, either, so she feels like she's lying to him, too.
This is the same husband who BM has put above DH since she started her affaif with him in 2012 (when she asked for the divorce from DH). The one who is so much better than DH that he has a secret daughter that he doesn't see, but pays CS for--in addition to the one he does see, and for which it was absolutely critical that the holiday schedules matched because step siblings are so important (as long as it wasn't their stepsibling here). The one who she had sue my DH for custody of the skids--and who is still a named party on the skids' CO.
And to top it all off, based on what SD said, we suspect that BM is following the same model she did with DH. She seems to have found a new man to prey upon.
We already planned to petition for an increase in custody this year, but she's served this up on a silver platter! The CO *has* to be modified now!
I know it's awful, but I am revelling in the idea that she's suffering. Divorce sucks, no matter what, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone... Except her. She's evil incarnate for what she does to people. I love that she's *got* to be suffering. I want to see her get some well-deserved misery for what she's put the skids and DH through.
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I’m waiting for this day...
I figure BM’s current “husband” won’t last forever. BM likely has a personality disorder and thinks everyone is out to get her, so it’s only a matter of time before she turns on the current dude.
She told DH how much better the new guy was, because he had his own “business”, but his business is selling “get rich quick” schemes on the internet. He also believes in UFOs and that 9/11 was a hoax. Of course, BM will probably not leave until she finds someone new and I’m amazed she found two guys who wanted to be with her. She and her “husband” are not legally married, so he could just walk away at any time, but I figure he’ll stick around long enough for BM to pay for his son to go to college. I get the sense he’s a con artist, but it would serve BM right to get conned, because she’s a bit of a con herself.
Of course, if her relationship does break up, she will probably lose her mind and we’d have to take in the kids, so I hope the guy at least waits until the kids are 18 and can survive on their own. Because they are being raised by crazy BM, I don’t think I could handle living with them. They also have a habit of blaming others when things go wrong, having temper tantrums when they don’t get their way, and feeling as if they don’t need to be responsible for anything (habits that have all been learned from BM).
Why would this impact custody
Why would this impact custody? I wouldn't think BM getting a divorce would make any difference in court.
In our case, for a couple of reasons
We already have material changes in circumstances, but BM’s divorce is one, for sure.
On top of that, when she had her DH sue DH for custody, she made sure that he became a named party is all their custody issues. Her X sure shouldn’t continue to be a party to the skids custody, right? We *have* to get him off, which means we have to modify.
Also, our BM is active duty military, so there are contingencies that need to be planned for that didn’t have to be in the past.
BM broke up with her bf about
BM broke up with her bf about a year ago but kept it under wraps. I find it odd that she asked the adult skids to not tell DH. It’s not like DH cares if her relationships work out or not.
Of course in her twisted mind she thinks that DH should still be pining away for her and I’m sure it bothers her to no end that DH has moved on and found love.
He was the problem in their relationship and any man would be lucky to have her. So I guess it’s a blow to her ego to realize maybe it is her after all.
Same here
BM has convinced herself that it was all DH’s fault that their marriage ended. Really, they never should have been married to begin with, because she was always terrible to him. When they went to see a marriage counselor before getting divorced, the counselor said to him, “you know, divorce will be good for you because she’s abusive.” The counselor also told DH that if he wanted 50/50 custody he’d get it because he had done a lot of caregiving for the kids. At that point, BM stopped going and in subsequent conversations referred to the counselor as DH’s “personal divorce coach.” Too bad BM was the one who had already filed for divorce because she met her current SO.
She always told DH she was embarrassed by him because he didn’t have a more professional job (he has a blue collar job). Now, her SO cons people on the internet. He shut down his latest internet “business” without filling all the orders. There are a bunch of “reviews” online from angry customers who said they sent payment, but never got their items and their emails are bouncing back. He met BM because he was supposedly helping her revamp her business website. She’s an accountant and his revamping including posting a bunch of articles about weird health claims, in order to generate site traffic. Not sure what he’s doing now...maybe trying to become a professional poker player. They go to the casino at least twice a week (BM spent $3-$5000 a month at the casino when she and DH were married). According to BM, this guy is much more “professional” than DH and also a “beautiful, beautiful man”, even though he looks like a frumpy creep.
BM lost her sh$t when DH told her he was engaged. She made a point of calling him multiple times a day, kept asking him why he hated her, then accused him of trying to take the kids away. It got so bad that he totally cut her off about six months before we got married - after we saw a counselor because her behavior was having a negative impact on both of us.
Oh yes, BM asked for the
Oh yes, BM asked for the divorce. She wasn’t happy. According to BM, she did everything and DH did nothing. The marriage ended because he didn’t protect her, make her feel loved or keep her happy. She refers to herself as a single mom, even when they were married because he was always at work.
Well, he had to work all those hours to pay the bills and pay for all her shopping.
When they got married his best man, father and 2 other friends asked him if he was sure. His Dad said no one would think badly of him if he backed out! No one thought she was good for him or that the marriage would last. She was just too needy.
BM is very insecure but also thinks she’s a great catch. She really thought that she’d be the one with a wonderful relationship that she could shove in DHs face and say “See you were the problem!”
She’s had 2 serious relationships and both have ended. DH and I are coming up on 11 years together.
So I guess I do understand why she doesn’t want anyone to know her relationship is done. She’s embarrassed and realizes that she might be the problem. That’s a hard pill to swallow when you’ve told all and sundry that it’s not you, it’s him!
So familiar
DH told me that on his wedding day, his best friend said to him, "she hasn't walked down the aisle, yet...you can still walk away!" It drove a wedge in between him and this friend because this friend thought BM was so terrible. When DH told me that, I told him, "well, I hope you told your friend he was right all along." DH is so concerned about doing what is expected of him, that he never would have walked away, even though he told me that he wasn't even happy with BM before they got married. I told him I thought that was really sad and asked him what he would do if one of SSs becomes engaged to someone like BM...he said, he didn't know, but he would want to tell them to walk away.
If your BM is anything like mine, she will never realize she is the problem. She might be embarrassed, but I would be surprised - based on what you said - if she realizes that she is the problem.
My BM has borderline tendencies...yours sounds like she does as well.
Yep, BM is boarderline
Yep, BM is boarderline narcissist. She has so many traits, needs to be the centre of attention, needs to be the most loved parent, needs to be thought highly of, thinks she’s the smartest person in the room, but she loves her kids.
Shes tried to PAS them against DH and me but she doesn’t have a golden child. She doesn’t play them against each other. She is very dependent on them, especially SD, emotionally. DH is afraid that as she ages and isn’t prepared for retirement she’ll depend on them financially and physically.
She regularly tells them how much she gave up for them.
If she doesn’t find a man to grow old with, who will support her she will look to the skids for support. She will fully expect that they will take care of her and fulfill all her emotional, physical and financial needs (with the exception of sex of course).
"BM is very insecure but also
"BM is very insecure but also thinks she’s a great catch. She really thought that she’d be the one with a wonderful relationship that she could shove in DHs face and say “See you were the problem!”
Yep, this is BM2! It was all DH's fault, he wasn't good enough, he wasn't this, he wasn't that. She was gonna show him she could do oh so much better. It's now 11 years later and DH and I have been together 8 years, married for 6. The guy BM2 has been with on and off for 10 years refuses to marry her and she's cheated on him numerous times. DH also kicked her out of our home last year when she tried to go psycho slut on him, screaming that I should just F off back to America.
Yeah, BM2, you sure showed DH.
Hahaha, yep!
Hahaha, yep!
She was going to SOAR without him weighing her down!
As Stuggling said, she probably is embarrassed but her ego won’t allow her to accept that it’s her who’s the problem. I’m sure she’s blaming the exbf for this break up.
She told the skids that she wished she could find what DH and I have. At first I was kind of shocked. Wow, she actually sees that DH and I have a love and mutual respect for each other!
Nope! Turns out what she really said was that she wished DH would have been mature and smart enough to protect, respect, and love her when they were together. That losing her must had made him realize how to treat a woman. Good gawd, everything is about her!
BM2 told DH last year that
BM2 told DH last year that she just wants find a man that loves her for who she is. He laughed and said no you don't because you had that man and it still wasn't good enough! She tried so many lines and angles on him and he'd just fire back with the truth. She'd either walk away or get miffed. That's why she ended up shouting about why can't I just F off back to America. DH kept telling her how great I was and how I'd never use him or cheat on him and make him feel like he is good enough and loved.
There's nothing she could say because it was all true. So she ended up shouting in frustration because she couldn't combat the blatant truths about the horrible things she's done to him. Quite pathetic really.
Dunno why Mealticket hasn't
Dunno why Mealticket hasn't dumped BM yet, he must be dumb. She is the most toxic person in the world, sorry ladies ours wins that prize. If Mealtcket hasn't figured it out yet BM must be putting her best foot forward beacuse he is the last and worst stop on the Gravy Train. I think they must rarely see each other. SIL is certain Mealticket is gay. That would explain a lot. BM bragged to a mutual acquantaince that they never have seks. Either way, they are both hideous. Last stop for both of them, and Mealtcket needs an idiot to watch his kids when he's at work. Amazing he would trust a POS like her.