Stepchildren and birth control
Help, I need advice. I have been married for 10 years and have 2 stepchildren (my husband's children from a previous marriage)and 1 child between us. My stepdaughter is 15 and my stepson is 19 and my daughter is 13. We have recently learned that my stepdaughter who is 15 is having sex on a pretty regular basis with her boyfriend. Both myself and my husband spoke with her upon discovering this and went through the whole respect yourself, use protection, etc. speach. Being a normal teenager she kind of just laughed it off and said she won't do it again. We offered to take her to get on the pill but she said she would take care of it herself.I gave her the phone # to planned parenthood and told her she has 1 week to show me she is using some kind of protection or I will tell her mom. Needless to say she didn't do anything so I let her know I had to call her mom, and when I called her mom, (my husband's ex-wife) she just kind of said thanks for your concern but she is too young for birth control and we are waiting for the whole situation to calm down and then we will deal with it.
I say, once you start having sex you don't stop and if your old enough to have sex and know your having sex, then your old enough to be on birth control.
I say we take her to get on birth control. My husband says let her mom handle it and if she ends up preggo's it's the mom's problem. I say if she ends up preggo's it will be all of our problem....
Any suggestions?????
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Wow!
IMO if a teenager is having sex then yes they should be on birth control. I was 16 when I got pregnant with my son who is now ten. I was pregnant my whole junior year and a mommy my whole senior year.
It was too much. I love my son to pieces, but totally wish I would have waited until I was older. I was a kid having a kid.
The thing is my mom had a similiar outlook on birthcontrol(not to mention she was very religious) and refused to even discuss birthcontrol. No one ever talked to me about BC or Sex or anything.
The week I went to get on BC they asked if there was a chance that I could be PG and of course there was so they did a test and instead of getting BC I got a baby.
I totally think you are right on this. Your SD should be on BC pills. If she's done it once chances are she will continue and it won't just be her mom's problem if she gets PG. It will be everyone's. I would not wish what I went through on anyone at the age of 15. You are not ready for that responsibility and you totally lose the last years of your childhood.
TAlk to Dad, beg, plead--let him read this post--but do what you can to get SD on some form of BC.
Alisha
HOLY COW
Don't leave it up to the 15 year old. Take her to PP yourself and make sure she gets on the Pill plus plenty of condoms. I became sexually active when I was that age, but I didn't wait for my mom to take me! Push aside whatever your personal beliefs are and get her some protection. Once the barn door is open, its nearly impossible to shut it again. Don't wait.
BC
I agree, she needs to be on BC. My boyfriends daughter has also had sex, but her mom has not taken her for BC either. I think BM thought again 'things would die down'. Well she did break up with the boy. But BM just found out that they have been seeing each other again. Boyfriend just stays out of it, but I asked him do you want your daughter to have to go through making that kind of decision, abortion or have a baby at 17? And do you want to raise a baby? Why take chances and put anyone through it. I agree, if they've had sex once..it won't take long the next time even if it is a new boyfriend. Some people think if they ignore it - it will go away. This won't go away! In your case, would BM be made if you and BD took her and got her on the pill?
You can lead a horse to
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it wear a condom.
Just because you take her to PP and get her the pill, condoms, whatever, there's no guarantee that she's going to use them. There's all sorts of crazy info spread amongst teens... the pill will make you fat and other assorted BS. Some of them would rather opt for the "pull out," which never works, or even decide to stick with oral sex, from which she can still get STDs. You can't be with them 100% of the time and you can't lock them up. You can't be there in those intimate situations to make them use protection. I think you have to provide it, but more than that, you have to find a way to get through to them so that they will actually USE IT. And that's the tougher job.
~ Anne ~
Something to think about
There are other forms of BC that don't require as much participation on her end. The patch, the depo provera shot, and even IUD's are great alternatives for when you're just not sure that she's going to take the pill or use the condoms. They won't keep her from getting STD's, but really in my opinion that would be the lesser of two evils.
Info on the Patch
Depo Provera Info
Info on IUD's
I became sexually active way too young. At that time, my father was too upset to really deal with it, and my step mother was very fresh at her role and didn't know where her boundaries really were. My aunt took me to the Health Department and got me my first gynocological visit, as well as put me on birth control. The Health Department in our town gives birth control to underage teens for free and will even sign a waiver of confidentiality saying that they'll never contact you at home and that no one needs to know if you don't want to tell them.
Her bio parents can disagree with BC or deny the problem all they want, but when that child turns out pregnant it WILL become everyone's problem...and them denying it will only assure that it will happen unless someone else that this girl trusts steps up to the plate and takes the responsibility upon themselves to educate her.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
Most of all the person impacted is the young girl...
The most important person impacted by her choices is SD herself and she has to want the birth control. The incidence of STIs in youth is on the rise and many of these are incurable and can be fatal. Teen pregnancy isn't a desirable outcome certainly but contracting an STI can be much more devastating. Hopefully, someone can chat with the SD and, understanding that she won't decide to abstain, discuss safe sex with her for her benefit.
15 Year old Stepdaughter
This is an easy one Mudhead. I have been there and done that with this similiar scenario! First, It is your husband's responsibility to discipline his daughter. You act as a support role. Second, you and your husband communicate to your stepdaugther that teenager sex is irresponsible and she should be on birth control. And, if she comes up pregnant or gets sexually transmitted diseases, it is not your financial responsibility to support her should she come up pregnant or need medical treatment because of her sexual endeavors. Third, if she continues to have sex and just so happen comes up pregnant, clearly communicate to her that she has decided to give up her childhood to become and mother. In addition, you are not finanacially responsible for supporting and teaching children how to raise children. Finally, if her ignorant biological mother thinks her daughter is young to be on birth control, well you think she is young to have sex and should her daughter comes up pregnant, her daughter needs to move in with her so she can help raise her biological granddaughter. When you say this, practice and remain firm on what you said. Now, to really drive it home, type up a behavior contract outlining the areas I mentioned aboved and have your husband to sign it, you sign it, and have your stepdaughter to sign it. Make three copies, one for you and your husband, one for your stepdaughter, and one for your stepdaughter's mother to be sent certified mailed to her by your husband. This way your stepdaughter will know the consequences of her irresponsible behavior because she can read it on her wall everyday!
I'm Worried Too...
Yeah, my BF's daughter is 16 and her parents aren't putting her on the pill. I can't understand why they don't just get her the pill? I mean - does that take away their image of their little girl? They cant face the fact that she's growing up and having sex? Well, it's really happening, folks!! I say face reality!!!
Besides, the kid has an awful time with cramps (so I hear). The pill would help big time.
My biggest fear is that she'll turn up preggo and put a whole crazy spin on this situation.
That could be a deal-breaker for me. Dealing with supporting a baby and all that would be too much for me. ugh.
I don't even like to imagine what that would do to his daughters hopes and dreams and life! Just not a good scene all around.