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So Frustrated, Really Need Advice

mrspuertorico's picture

Hello everyone, so just to give you a little background on stuff first... my bf and I have been together for 2yrs... we just had a son who is now 7 months. I have two daughters, 7 and 5. He has a 3yr old daughter. His daughters mother is just horrid.... i can't stand her. The first year my bf and i started dating, his ex and I got into a fist fight outside my house on thanksgiving because she was cursing at me in front of my daughters after i was trying to be nice and introduce my daughters to her when she was dropping off their daughter. My daughters didn't see the fight because i told them to go in the house before i punched the bi**h in her mouth! Anyway, so since then i want nothing to do with her rude ghetto self. Now because of that, I don't really have a relationship with his daughter.... Im very stand offish to her and she's just "there" to me... I've expressed to my bf that he cant keep forcing her on me because then I'll just be more distant. He always has me watching her because her mother is always passing her off. She's gone so far as to block him after he's picked their daughter up so that way he will keep her until she's "ready" to get her again. After a while i told him i wasn't watching her anymore and she needed to go to a babysitter... that lasted like a week! My bf wants me to stay home with our son until he's a bit older so i agreed. My bf works 2 jobs... Monday through Thursday during the day from 9am to 7pm and Saturday 6:30am to 4pm,  then Friday, Saturday and Sunday night from 8:30pm to 3/4am.... his only "off" days are Friday and Sunday during the day. He gets his daughter every single week from Friday 12pm until Tuesday after he gets off work and sometimes until Wednesday morning or he'd get her on Saturday after he gets off work and bring her back Wednesday or Thursday, then get her back again on Saturdays!  I am with his daughter the entire time!! And on his off days, he's asleep... so I'm STILL watching her. My daughters stay with their dad for school purposes, so i get them about 2 weekends out the month so it's not AS hectic but I'm losing my F*kin mind! I've tried telling him to get her every other weekend because HE is not the one who has her... I AM, but he refuses! I feel like he just ignores me. He claims he doesn't want to "argue" with his ex and I'm like "F**k your Ex", that's YOUR daughters mother! SHE should have her all the time! He says when she's supposed to be with her mother she's actually always with her grandmother. I told him that's not my problem! He NEVER watches my daughters or our son because he's always working. I've told him i need a break, and it just seems to go through one ear and out the other. I really don't know what to do. I have so much resentment towards him for always putting her on me and I'm even more distant and annoyed with his daughter because I'm always with her having to do everything for her. I took a two week vacation to visit my mom just to get away and teach him a lesson, but that hasn't even worked!  I don't know what to do. I've debated about leaving the relationship but i don't want to do that to my son... it wouldn't be fair to him to take him from having both his parents around just because i don't want to be stuck watching his daughter all the time! Please give me some of your input.... and be easy on the harsh comments... just take a look from my point of view first. Thanks Kings and Queens! 


Curious Georgetta's picture

and to spend the freed up time with both his kids.  Tell him that you will work to offset the loss of income in the household, and then he can send equal time watching both of his kids.

That should make things equal. 


hereiam's picture

I've debated about leaving the relationship but i don't want to do that to my son... it wouldn't be fair to him to take him from having both his parents around

Your son already doesn't have both of his parents around.

ndc's picture

Is the time he has his daughter court ordered or is he taking extra time for BM's convenience? Why is he working 70+ hours a week?  Does he need to do so to make ends meet?  

mrspuertorico's picture

The "regular" court order is to have his daughter Friday from 12pm to Monday 12pm..... but they never ever follow the court order. He says he wants to keep her  "as much as he can" because he knows how her mother is and that she's always with her grandmother anyway.... i told him that's not my problem and HE is not the one that has her.... I AM. He never ever asks me to watch her, he just gets ready for work and leave as if it's MY job to watch HIS daughter. Our agreement was for me to be at home to watch OUR son. 

bananaseedo's picture

Here's what I would do- I'd drive her to bm myself ring the doorbell/leave the skid in a basket w/a note- Take care of your own kid.


Siemprematahari's picture

The way your BF dismisses your requests is awful and not sure why you continue to stay with him and allow this. This child is suffering from a BM who drops her off whenever and from a father who pans her over to the SM as he works 2 jobs. He spends NO quality time with her and using you as a babysiter (matter of fact they both are). This little girl picks up on all this. Please look at your BF actions and know that he will do this to your son as well. He's a sh!tty father and needs to really step it up and not continue taking you for granted.

Either I'd drop that girl off to her mother or grandmother and put my foot in BF's ass that you will not continue to be disrespected.