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BM's giving in... since we cornered her!

Mommywood's picture

SHE CAVED!!!

OK, so we have had all this baby mamma drama... in previous blogs, i mentioned that BM called CPS on us, came at me in my car after a drop off, etc...
ok so this past sunday, DH went to drop off SS. He was gone for like 2 hrs, and I was like wtf? where is he? did she kill him?
He comes home, and he tells me that she caved. She poured herself out to him and told him she's afraid of us, and "what we'll do to her next!"
Haha i love it. It feels like a victory to me!
See she had called CPS on us on false allegations that we left SS with my MIL (who is a known drug user to CPS), which we never do. They investigated us for a few days, and closed the case. I in turn, out of anger, filed a case against her, and DIDNT EVEN LIE! I told them hes 4, and hes not potty trained, his clothes are always too small, and has dirty nails, long hair, etc. That she drink a lot... and I had pics to show them of her FB partying it up on wkends when she has custody... anyway....
She finally revealed to DH that she had to go through a CRAZY investigation. That they did a psych evaluation on her, drug testing, they photographed all of her house, and she had to drive an hr & a half to the CPS office to get a bunch of interviews done.
She also got called by a detective notifying her that I had gone with pressing assault charges on her, but that since they had insufficient evidence as of now, they weren't gonna file the charges, but he left her with a very serious warning that she needed to refrain from telling me anything because any fuck up on her part would result in them coming back at her and really filing charges.

anyway, she went on telling DH that she was afraid of what we would do to her next, and that she was afraid of what we would concoct next. DH told her that anything that we've done is a result of anything that shes done to us... so she needed to quit fucking with us for it to end.

She kept asking DH, "ok so are we ok? Do i have to worry about you?" kind of trying to call it a truce, but DH never said yes. just to keep her on her toes so she knows we will go further if she does too.

I LOVE IT! cause everything was done legally, and shes scared shitless!

she also asked us if we wanted to go back to having him half the time like we used to, but DH told her we would continue with court order visitation so she doesn't try to pull shit and try to take him back again, and also cause were not her glorified babysitters, and she really took it that way... and abused the fact that we wanted him around and couldn't say no.

She also went into him leaving her... that if he hadnt left, SS might have it all and be better... again... she will never get over it... and he told her that it was the best thing he had ever done, he has never neglected SS (which he never has, hes been there more than her), and he was so happy to have an actual home and family to come home to... and he said that he could see the hurt in her eyes.
I feel bad for her deep down, i know it must suck to see him make the life she wanted with him with someone else. but at the same time, its not our problem, and she needs to just see it now as it being about her son.

DH also spoke to her about SS. he is really behind. he doesnt talk at all yet, isnt potty trained, throws crazy tantrums, cant dress himself, etc. and he is about to be 4 very soon. He told her that my BD is at the same level as SS, and she is just 13 months.... which is true. It sucks to see them together, there is a 3 yr. difference, and they communicate the same, know the same things, and BD knows a little more that SS sometimes.
BM took it as a shocker. she didnt know how behind he was, and she even got offended. He goes to school in August, and he needs to be potty trained and Know SOME things, and DH told her he didnt want SS to be labeled retarded because of how he behind he is when we know its her fault that she doesnt teach him anything.

Anyway, thats beside the point i guess. We had been telling her for months to take him to the school district and get him tested to make sure hes prepared for when he starts school, and shes ACTUALLY gonna do it! Finally! I think shes doing it because she thinks shes gonna get more in trouble with CPS, but hey! whatever benefits SS!

I just hope shes finally starting to snap. It seems as if she might be scares straight. but who knows. this woman is bipolar.

Comments

livinthedream's picture

It sounds like you have a long road ahead with young skids. We have gone thru all that kind of drama too. I have learned to protect myself & keep my boundaries. When you are dealing with an unstable BM, the possibilities are endless. I want to alert you that when a BM has a breakdown...there may be a hidden motive. I look at it as the "Art of War".I find that for me ...to be totally removed from the situation. All these years later...I have recently asked DH to keep his dramas with BM to himself/friends

Mommywood's picture

well i dont have contact with her, i havent for a while. Anything she says, she says it to DH, but DH tells me things, because I dont want to even hear something later, and think he was hiding it from me. I try to disengage when I can, but when CPS comes into my home and questions my mothering, I get involved and fire back.

And there is no truce between us. We still have our guard up. We dont know her motives, and we dont trust her. I know better. But he saw in her face how shes up against a wall because she fears that we will take her for custody, and she would probably lose, or not have the money for a lawyer. But we dont intend to anymore, its better for SS to be with his mom, and honestly, its a lot easier for us.

She doesnt know what to do with us, because she thinks we have more to come at her with, and im sure i can dig up more, but i only do it when she takes a first punch. Im not in it to fight, but i will protect DH,e ven moreso my BD because she tried to involve her with this CPS crap.

Anon2009's picture

I hope that this is what she needs to get herself some professional help and become a better parent and person. Does DH have joint legal custody? Perhaps SS could use some counseling too.

Mommywood's picture

yes, they have joint custody. and DH enrolled SS in speech therapy about a yr ago when she didnt want to make the time to do it. But as for psychiatric therapy, i dont know if im right, but i dont think he would benefit. he cant communicate, all he knows is "car" and "ball."

stepmom2one's picture

Barely talking at 4 yrs old---are you sure he is best off with his mom?

Mommywood's picture

no, we know for a fact he isnt better off with her, but it would be hard for us to take custody now. We wanted to, we got everything ready to... but we looked into it and really sat down and talked about it, and we cant afford to take her to court, and pay for his daycare (we both work long hrs). We also wouldnt have anyone but him and i to care for him, my mom watches my BD, but my moms a stranger to SS, and my MIL cant legally have small children under her supervision because of her drug use cases with CPS. BM gets all kinds of govt assistance for daycare, and medical, and we wouldnt qualify for any of it if we got him, were that couple that makes too much for help, and makes too little to do much more than live.

stepmom008's picture

Wow - a daddy that actually sticks up to BM and doesn't let her get away with typical BM crap! It's very concerning that the child seems to be so developmentally delayed. First thing that comes into my head is to worry about getting the child to where he should be and then deal with her. Maybe you could use her being scared of the two of you to work on getting her to be a parent or give DH the chance to. Guilt her if you have to but it's most important to help SS.

Mommywood's picture

and yes, thats what were working on now, Shes pretty scared of cps doing anything to her--although we all know CPS is worth a shit-- but she doesnt know that... she really thinks theres a chance they can take him away, and now she is working on taking him to get evaluated like he should have been before.
I really hope this woke her up, even if its not out of actual concern for ss, but for saving her own ass on getting her CS taken from her if SS is taken. time will tell....