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Empty Feeling

mom in the dark's picture

It's been 5 years, and no sign of change. This kid is winning, and I feel lost. My poor husband is stuck in the middle. And she is refusing to let me be a parent to her, nor treat me as such. I'm seriously about to lose my cool.

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mom in the dark's picture

I never wanted him to be stuck in the middle at all. And I do understand what you are saying. I stopped attempting to discipline her a long time ago. She never listens. And he never opened his eyes, when I warned him that I could see this coming for a long time now. Her BM and GM are the big reason for this issue. We've been trying to figure out how to take her rights away, because BM and her BD, never see each other on BM's weekend. She always is with GM. But when she comes home, because we have full custody, she ignores me like i'm not human, mopes around all the time if dad isn't here. lies to me constantly, and treats me like crap. I mean, how is a 7.5 year old capable of this? Dad finally sees it, and is trying to fix this. but it's killing me inside, and i don't know what to do next. i'm starting do doubt everything i know about being a parent. i've been raising my boys, basically without their father all their lives. My oldest is going to be 13 soon, and learning that both my boys are ADHD is hard to deal with period. Now i have to have her crap thrown in the mix, i'm near deflated now!

mom in the dark's picture

Of all the things my SD does, today is bad. Not as bad as one day, but still bad.
For example:

-No emotion or care for me at all. Actually throws it in my face when around other people, especially family. Dirty smug looks she throws in my direction. Like when she's around grandma, gives her hugs, like 10 in 3 minutes, and makes sure to look at me, and give me that 'in your f-ing face' look, as she snuggles in tighter.
- Walks around the house in the mornings before school, like she hates that i'm even here. And will cry on a snap of a finger because she thinks that her little game she plays with daddy, crying to make him putty in her hands will work on me. So not happening.
-Assumes she has automatic rights to do what she wants with food, clothes, toys, and when she wants to go outside and disappear, without letting me know, or asking permission. But if dad is here, asks him for everything and tells him where she's going.
-One day she actually went to school (this is the bad bad day), and told everyone that I beat her everyday after school, if she didn't eat her lunch. Which is a lie, and when my sons heard that from her classmates, they were actually so upset, that they cried, and didn't talk to her for a week.

This crap is repetative, everyday!
And then there is today! Oldest son gets up first, and quietly asks me if he can go on his laptop, so as not to wake the other two up. I said ok. Second son wakes up, asks if he can go on my laptop, so as not to bother SD. I said ok. At 9:30, they said that they were finally hungry for breakfast. So I made it. No sign of SD. But let me back track. At 6am, she got out of bed, and came in our room, looking for dad. But he had left for work an hour before. So when she didn't see him, she left our room, went to the bathroom, and slammed the door. When she went back to her room, she slammed that door too. But she wasn't sleeping, I could hear her playing. Any way, all morning, after the other two had eaten and were back to playing, she still never came downstairs. But she sure was back and forth to the bathroom a lot. So I let her be, even though I was concerned, I didn't want my gut feeling that she was purposely avoiding me to be true. At noon, I finally checked on her. She was back in the bathroom again, but for like 20 minutes. When I opened the door, and asked her if she was feeling sick or anything, she gave me this look like 'f- you', and then said, ' i'm pooping, leave.' I told her she doesn't talk to me like that, ever. My gut told me again, bad feeling. So i questioned her. Noticing that she has huge bags under her eyes, like she always does when she doesn't sleep, but she told me she was sleeping. i called her bluff. She really hates it when i do that, catch her in a lie. Then I asked her if she really was going #2, she just stared at me like a deer in head lights. So I told her to get up. Yep, just as i thought, nothing! So I called her father, who was working. Yeah, he's got a lot to deal with when he gets home. I really hate being right!

twopines's picture

You honestly could not have waited until your husband came home from work to tattle on your SD's lack of poop?

Disneyfan's picture

Demon child??? :?

The poor kid was subjected to a poop check. (who does that :sick: ) I can't blame the kid for avoiding SM.

Disneyfan's picture

Going back and forth to the bathroom and staying in your room is not terrorizing the house. Making a kid get off the toilet so that you can take a peek is rude and nasty.

mom in the dark's picture

i never said she was terrorizing the house. but you should really pay attention to what you read before you comment. if that is all you managed to pay attention to, well..... you don't have to live my life, and i will never live yours. i don't know you from a hole in the ground. so please, be mindful of what you say, i understand this is a blog site, but this is also a very tender subject. it's tough for any of us on here.

mom in the dark's picture

For all those that think I'm evil, no I am not. I am a concerned parent/step parent regardless. But this isn't the first time she's faked having to poop. Dad has caught her several times when he came home from work, and I just left her there. If I never checked on her, she could have been in real trouble - like potentially passed out for some unknown reason - or by chance, had her period and didn't know what it was. From my understanding, in her mothers family, and her fathers family, all females strangely got their periods by the time they were 8. She's almost 8. But yes, she terrorizes me daily, on a regular basis. So I'm not evil in any way, and yes I do agree that I let her get to me. But when dad isn't paying enough attention to the fact that I'm struggling, trying to be a parent of sorts, to a child who could careless if I lived or died, yeah, i'm stressed and pissed. I came on this sight, hoping to speak with other parents that are potentially going through something similar. I could only wish she acted like a normal kid around me. But I don't have that luxury. Oh yes, and on a side note, on several other occasions of her fake pooping, and getting caught, she dumped shampoo and body wash into the sink, i'm talking full bottles, added a small bit of water and splashed it all over the walls, and blamed my sons. Who were usually playing on the PS3 in the basement. Or taking a pen and writing on the bathroom wall, behind a towel on the rack, and pretend like she did nothing, and lied about it right to our faces. She has even locked the cat that we used to have, in the bathroom with her, and covered the poor thing in a whole bottle of Vicks vapo rub, from the tip of his nose to the tip of his tail. I had to wash him in the sick, with Dawn dish soap, and pray he was okay. Because the vet bill would have been high, or the cat could have died. look it up if you don't believe me. Plus she likes to waste toilet paper rolls full, by soaking them in water and then hiding them behind the toilet or in the cupboard under the bathroom sink. So if you think i'm in the wrong, if we could only switch lives for a week, you would totally understand. But i guarantee, most would have left and gotten divorce papers by now.

mom in the dark's picture

oh yeah, her BM is nuts. She is the one who left her daughter with her father, so she could go and be with the guy she cheated with. So imagine the crap going on, over on that side of life. it's crazy enough. BM and BGM buy her things constantly when she's there. Especially BGM. New clothes, that never come home. And feeding her junk food. They never cook for her, always buy buy buy

Disneyfan's picture

So you're making the choice to have the child stay with you while dad works instead of sending her to mom or grandma???

mom in the dark's picture

her mom and grandma live on the reserve in saddle lake. and we won full custody of her. her own mother made the choice to only have her for the last weekend of every month. So yes, i have as much responsibility of raising and taking care of her, just as much as he does to mine. i just can't do or say anything to her, because she likes to lie and cause issues. so i can only do as much as i can as a mom/step mom. meaning make her breakfast, make her school lunch, and if i'm home in time, cook dinner. otherwise he's making dinner. and on weekends, if he's stuck working, same thing different day. but she doesn't let me know she's snackish or anything. she like to let herself go hungry, even if i offer something to her, she doesn't take it. but then when dad gets home, she cries to him that she's so damn hungry, and says that i made her starve. Thankfully my sons have my back.

mom in the dark's picture

I went through 8 years of hell with my ex, the father of my kids. He was abusive. When it came to my husband now, before these obvious issues, we clicked, very well. And it took a long time for him to gain my trust. Now this is the situation at hand

Jshep's picture

The kid is 7!!! Stand up for yourself, sheesh. You are an adult. Who cares if she cries?! Make her understand that when dad is gone, you are the boss. No if, ands or buts. If dad can't handle that, then he can find someone to watch her while he's at work. I swear, if my husband expected me to watch my 9 year old step daughter, and couldn't punish her or make up the rules, I WOULDN'T DO IT!!!! I will NOT walk on eggshells in my own home, especially to a 7 year old. This sounds so ridiculous!

mom in the dark's picture

yes i know, and i have been doing that. then that's when she started telling lies about me beating her to the school. i have had several talks with teachers already

mom in the dark's picture

So now as today goes, crappy morning with her as usual. I come home from work, and nothing but dirty looks as per usual. She got off Scott free for the crap she did to me yesterday. Today dad let her outside, without acknowledging me as a person in the room. He goes for a shower after listening to the boys talk about parts of a video game they love, while she's outside in the yard. And the damn kid fell and scraped her cheek on the trampoline, but wouldn't tell me at all that she was hurt. But when she came in for dinner, and dad noticed, at this point I find out, a scrape on her cheek. Ooooh she was more than happy to tell him what happened. When he gave her crap for not telling me, and asked her why, she shrugged her shoulders and said, I just wanted to tell you, I didn't know she was here! Like total b.s.! Then come bed time, she thinks she can ask me for a bed time hug, like everything is okay with how she treats me. So like every other day, I shoot her down, and remind her of how she treats me day in and day out, standing my ground. She runs to daddy and starts crying on his f-ing shoulder, and he has the balls to look at me like I'm a Bitch for standing up to this 7 year old Hell spawn, like I'm less than human. Then he gives her giant hugs and smothers her in kisses, and she's happier then a pig in sh*t, and happily runs upstairs to bed. He continues to shake his damn head at me, and goes into our room and cries like a baby. Yet I'm the one damaged and alone in the living room. Go figure!