He finally saw...
My BF finally saw how SD5 acts after she comes from spending several days with his mom and aunts. I've told him before she is a terror after she stays with them and has to be reprogrammed. He didn't believe me she was that different and he got to see it this week. SD5 was with her grandmother and 2 aunts from Friday the week before until Tuesday last week on fall break. They baby her and give her everything she wants. The one aunt will start to cry and bawl when she has to leave. I get they have helped raise her the last 5 years and it is hard letting a child go. But they act like they never see her. SD5 will start to cry because she knows it will upset them more.
When she got home on Tuesday she refused to eat supper. We cooked fish and fries, which she loves. I refused to fix her anything else when she wouldn't eat. BF left for work. She continued to act up not wanting to pick up toys, hit my dog and kept asking for other things to eat. She got into trouble for hitting my dog. I made her take a bath early and put her to bed early. She started throwing a fit because her older sister (SD13) got to stay up. She was on fall break all of last week and was staying with us. She was yelling in bed and crying. I told her SD 13 got to stay up longer because she didn't have school and to go to sleep. She kept saying she wasn't tired, I told her to lay there and be quite, which she didn't. I turned up the tv to tune her out. She finally fell asleep.
Thursday she didn't want to eat supper again, so I told her to get her homework and get started on it. She didn't want to do her homework. I have never really had a problem with getting her to do her homework. I go over all of it with her, check it to make sure it is neat and you can read it. I told her to erase some her numbers she had written because it was sloppy and you couldn't make out what it was. Cue the whinning she can't erase and there's nothing wrong with it. BF comes into the kitchen to wonder what is going on. I tell him. He tells her to do it and finishes getting ready for work. She continues to whine, cry and throws her pencil on the table. I finally tell her she doesn't have to do it but if she doesn't get it checked off by her teacher she won't be going to the festival at her school.
He called me later on and I told him this is what I was talking about on Sunday. This is what I deal with and I'm getting tired of it. I feel like my home isn't my own anymore and I do not have any personal space. He asked me what he was supposed to do. I told him I didn't know I've never been in this situation. I really wished I had stuck to my rule of not dating anyone with young kids. If you finished reading all of this thank you.
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Comments
Your BF needs to be caring
Your BF needs to be caring for his children.... period. You shouldn't be their primary caregiver (even 2ndary caregiver).. it sounds like the younger girl was cared for by aunts etc.. because he wasn't around.. is he still working OTR? if so, then the girl should be with those caregivers.. and when he IS home? Daddy takes care of her.. not you.
Personally, I don't see what you get out of this relationship if he is gone all the time and you are forced to be their caretaker.
He asked me what he was
Is he of low IQ?
Or is he ok with a badly behaved child that he does not want to parent?
Why is this child your responsibility?
I think you should go back to your rule of not dating anyone with misbehaving creatures/kids of any age.
You should not date anyone who clearly is a failure at parenting and expects you to step up where he will not.
Dump him.
Stick to your rule.
This guy has user/loser written all over him and it will not get better.
He isn't over the road
He isn't over the road anymore but works 3rd shift. He has to leave the house about 7:30 pm to make it work on time.
I am getting nothing out of this relationship other than more gray hair. I'm ending everything in the middle of December when school is out for winter break. This is so her schooling isn't interupted mid-term. I know it isn't my responsiblity to worry about her switching schools and the problems doing it but I do worry about her well being. She's stuck in the middle and I do love her. I'm making my exit plan. I just need to hang in there for 2 more months.
If you are planning to end
If you are planning to end the relationship by year's end, then allow grandma and the aunts to continue raising her as they see fit.
Tell your BF that you will no longer do ANYTHING regarding his child. If he leaves her home with you, call grandma or the aunts to pick her up ASAP.
Trying to force their family dynamic to change when you know you're on your way out of the door is wrong.
Yikes, this is frustrating.
Yikes, this is frustrating. My SO works 3rd shift, but his kids are very good and mostly there are just some blips and annoyances (just things that annoy me personally). Towards the beginning, I had the feeling of having no space either. Skids had run of the house, the dining room was their playroom, SS had the TV in the living room for video games...it sucked and was overwhelming. Things are completely different now (no more playroom, SS plays video games in his room, we are looking at houses with a specific "safe room" that will be mine to do as I wish with). I don't think I could have made it without those changes, much less be dealing with a difficult skid.
At least you have realized this isn't working for you. You are raising skids too much on your own, and it's too much. Despite my SO's work schedule, skids are pretty self-sufficient, so it isn't bad.
Side note- Do 5 year olds really have homework? So weird.
BF should change jobs
And be home at night to take care of her !!! It’s not your job to care for her. She should be at BM house is BF can not take care of her. If you are leaving in December, send her back to BM. I can see why you are leaving, all he wants is a babysitter that gives him sex. Or the Happy Family !!! That not going to happen.
"He asked me what he was
"He asked me what he was supposed to do"
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^This is his child and he needs to parent and tend to her, that's what he's suppose to do. You do way too much and go above and beyond. If she's giving you such a hard time than she should only be there when he's available, other than that why deal with the frustration if he's not being supportive?